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Original poster

Boyfriends debt.. gutted

95 replies

ForLuckyReader · 14/03/2026 23:13

Gutted.

Just found out about boyfriend’s (33) debt. He took out a 2 X 15K loans 5 years ago after he bought his house. The interest on them is huge. He will be paying them off for next 3 years. He has no spare £ each month due to the minimum payments, car finance and his mortgage.

My heart has sank. I am an avid saver and have worked so hard to get out of my working class background (I am a Dr now). Both parents on benefits since a young age and have sacrificed so much to get to this point to ensure I have enough £ as an adult. The poverty trauma is real.

Anyway.. I’m bloody gutted. I just know this isn’t going to work.

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 14/03/2026 23:18

He’s up to date with his Mortgage, and is paying his debt down. Maybe he made some bad choices in the past, but he seems to be trying to rectify that now.

Easterbunnygettingawrapping · 14/03/2026 23:18

Be thankful you found out now before you bought a property with him or got married.... My exh was useless with money and had debt. Was glad to be rid of him. Thankfully no dc together or financial ties..

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 14/03/2026 23:20

If he's staying on top of it all I don't see why it all has to be over.
3 yrs is short term imo. Cant you ride it out?

Whatever you do, don't pay it off for him!

Holdmybeermoment · 14/03/2026 23:23

So, he’s in good employment, owns his home, is paying off his debts. It’s just 3 years. He might not have savings, but a lot of people don’t when they’ve managed to get a mortgage and get their house set up.

It could be worse. I’d be looking at the entire picture, of who he is as a person and what the loan money was for, how he lives, how he behaves, how he treats you etc. But it sounds like you do think you’re better than him so then dump him. You do you.

IngridsLittleToe · 14/03/2026 23:24

Financial differences are deal breakers for me. I need to share my attitude to money.

My initial thought was RUN.... but then...has he changed? Was it a mistake? Does he recognise that?

Lesina · 14/03/2026 23:24

If he is serving the debt, paying it down and not missing payments not sure what the issue is? Seems to be a you problem.

Lemonfrost · 14/03/2026 23:24

What's the problem? It doesn't obligate you in any manner.

Holdmybeermoment · 14/03/2026 23:25

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 14/03/2026 23:22

Looks like he does. They split date nights 50/50. Pretty fair, and pretty normal in modern dating. OP wants him to pay… presumably because he has a penis.

Whataridiculousdog · 14/03/2026 23:26

It sounds like you want a man who bank rolls you rather than a relationship of equals.
He has a plan to pay his debt off and he is a home owner.

But it sounds like you want a walking ATM for a boyfriend so it probably is time to move on

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 14/03/2026 23:28

Holdmybeermoment · 14/03/2026 23:25

Looks like he does. They split date nights 50/50. Pretty fair, and pretty normal in modern dating. OP wants him to pay… presumably because he has a penis.

Show quote history

Oh I agree with you. She was complaining about him not paying for the whole of date night. But he's being responsible by paying off his debts while she pays £350 a month to live in his house!

IngridsLittleToe · 14/03/2026 23:28

Having read the other thread where you are living rent free in his house I think you're unreasonable to judge!!!

outerspacepotato · 14/03/2026 23:32

Better you find out how financially incompatible you are now than after you're married and it becomes marital debt.

So he's paying mortgage, 30k in additional debt on minimum payments, and a car loan.

You're debt averse and prefer very conservative levels of financial risk. I don't blame you for that given your upbringing.

BlackRowan · 14/03/2026 23:33

Do you have a mortgage or own property outright?

Thecomedyclub · 14/03/2026 23:34

OP why are you even posting in here? You are appearing to be grabby, and even if I am wrong, you don’t really like your boyfriend so how can anyone help you?

Minjou · 14/03/2026 23:35

outerspacepotato · 14/03/2026 23:32

Better you find out how financially incompatible you are now than after you're married and it becomes marital debt.

So he's paying mortgage, 30k in additional debt on minimum payments, and a car loan.

You're debt averse and prefer very conservative levels of financial risk. I don't blame you for that given your upbringing.

She lives rent free in his house .. easier for her to be debt averse

PollyBell · 14/03/2026 23:40

What poverty trauma it is his debt and he did this himself

Createausername1970 · 14/03/2026 23:40

On the one hand I can see your point of view.

On the other hand, I was like your boyfriend when I met my DH.

I couldn't sell a property because of negative equity, but had moved to a different area of the country, so I was paying mortgage and rent and although I was renting out the property I owned, it wasn't covering my costs. I was then made redundant. When I met DH I had debts and my outgoings were more than my incomings.

Eventually I moved in with DH, sold the property and took out a personal loan to cover the negative equity and spent as much as I could each month to clear the loan.

I was a massive red flag, but thankfully DH could see beyond my temporary financial woes.

xOlive · 14/03/2026 23:41

After reading the other thread, it sounds like the grabby and judgmental Doctor wants a fancy husband who will probably be too busy working to take you out at all anyway.
I think you’d be doing this guy a favour by walking away.
He owns his home, is paying off his loans and his car and at 33, I don’t think that’s the worse position he could be in.
Go and find somebody else’s house to live in.

Createausername1970 · 14/03/2026 23:49

Createausername1970 · 14/03/2026 23:40

On the one hand I can see your point of view.

On the other hand, I was like your boyfriend when I met my DH.

I couldn't sell a property because of negative equity, but had moved to a different area of the country, so I was paying mortgage and rent and although I was renting out the property I owned, it wasn't covering my costs. I was then made redundant. When I met DH I had debts and my outgoings were more than my incomings.

Eventually I moved in with DH, sold the property and took out a personal loan to cover the negative equity and spent as much as I could each month to clear the loan.

I was a massive red flag, but thankfully DH could see beyond my temporary financial woes.

Just read the other thread.

I think he is living within his means, and you are getting a very good deal living with him with no real expenses.

I think your expectations are not compatible with his reality.

youalright · 14/03/2026 23:53

Of course you are an avid saver you are living rent free. We would all be great savers if our total outgoings for bills and food was £350 a month

TwistedWonder · 14/03/2026 23:55

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 14/03/2026 23:22

He’s also aged a year in 12 minutes

TwistedWonder · 15/03/2026 00:01

So as a newly qualified DR you came out of uni and medical training with no debts or loans and managed to save?

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 15/03/2026 00:02

TwistedWonder · 15/03/2026 00:01

So as a newly qualified DR you came out of uni and medical training with no debts or loans and managed to save?

And she doesn't own a property.

FlavourtownBaby · 15/03/2026 00:04

If you “just know this isn’t going to work” then end it now, stop wasting your time, his time, and our time by starting multiple threads

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