Lack of thought or am I being ungrateful?

[Wrongsideof50]

So DD age 13, asked what I would like for Mother’s Day, I suggested her (and her dad) making us an afternoon cream tea, fancy cakes, sandwiches sausage rolls strawberries type thing.. he took her to M&S and Sainsbury’s to buy stuff..I had already suggested, to both daughter and husband..them making nice sandwiches with bread or little fancy bread rolls with various fillings and cutting them small etc..just like you would get in a restaurant/cafe setting. Today whilst prepping lunch with DD she asked if had any cucumber, tomatoes to go with her lunch ..I said no we’ve run out but you’ve bought some for making Mother’s Day stuff so we can just use some from that …reply was oh no we didn’t get any cos we bought ready made sandwiches!!! Wtaf!! They bought a few sandwiches from M&S to cut up…I mean I get buying the sausage rolls and also cakes to cut up to save them baking but at least make the bloody sandwiches!!! .to say I’m disappointed is putting it mildly…zero effort, zero imagination, gutted 😞 is it too much to ask they put effort in and make it , it’s not like I’m asking for three course roast lunch it’s a few sandwiches! Am I being ungrateful and overreacting…not spoken to husband about it yet but have just been to shop and bought some rolls (and strawberries) so she can make some of it tomorrow! ☹️

He should ask for them as OP has had to ask for her present.

Maybe depends on what fillings were bought & what you were hoping for?

Idk I mean making a some sandwiches when everything else has been bought doesn't seem like a huge ask.

Reminds me of my late mil. One year we took her to a very expensive olde worlde hotel near us,mother's day afternoon tea, once on a steam train ride, she complained. On the train she said "is there anything else"? Nothing was ever good enough.

I never bothered with my mum after she slagged off my efforts one year. I never sent a card or gift again. Life was a lot easier for putting in the mental distance.
Since I've had kids I told them I didn't want to do mothers day and they respect that.

I think it’s unfair to say zero effort when Mother’s Day hasn’t happened yet. She could have been planning a nice lunch - maybe not made the sandwiches but laid the table nicely, served you drinks, lovely card with a nice message on the table, food all laid out nicely, pre made sandwiches cut in half to make little ones all laid out on a plate etc.

Obviously if she just chucks a sandwich in a packet at you and calls it a day then fair enough.

I also think that people view pre-made food differently. You are seeing “she’s not put the effort in to make it”, whereas she might be seeing “we never buy food like this, it’s a treat, it’s better than I could make”.

Exactly this. What she's done is thoughtful, I don't think it matters at all that the level of effort is lower than it could've been.

I think we can all tell from a few lines how OP likes freshly prepared stuff. If he hadn’t noticed all his meals are home made, and worked out that is what OP likes, then yeah, he’s a shit H who has not bothered to understand his wife.

But y’all carry on telling women to be grateful for whatever minimum effort, low thought ‘gifts’ come their way. Why would we be worth more?

Thanks to all of those who “get it”…for the others that think I want you to tear into my daughter you couldn’t be more wrong! I wasn’t asking you all to do that!! ..my husband took her shopping, she said to buy rolls to make posh sandwiches, he suggested ready made.. they know we cook from scratch and therefore I don’t think it’s too much to ask..it’s one day a year! Ready made supermarket sandwiches are not nice in my opinion and I would never normally eat them.

They bought them on Friday for Sunday?
I don't mind a freshly made shop sandwich. Whilst I'm away from home.

If you always make sandwiches from scratch then having pre-packed sandwiches is a bit rubbish.

But from now on when sandwiches have to be made, you need to involve others in the process so they are completely aware of how to make a nice sandwich.

Nice drip there

No she did not. The first line says
So DD age 13, asked what I would like for Mother’s Day,

OP was asked what present she would like.

No no no please don't ruin this memory for DC. As far as she is concerned, they have got you exactly what you wanted, and she will be expecting you to be over the moon! If you say you are actually disappointed it will really hurt her.

Your husband is another matter, feel free to call him a lazy sod away from DCs earshot.

they know we cook from scratch

Seems your DH is an 'I' as well as a 'we'. Re-education in the groupthink is required.

Yabu sorry

I hope for her sake your daughter doesn’t buy a ready made card.

The point is if he wants sandwiches he should say it.

Oh get a grip ! Just be grateful and say how lovely thank you.

Oh dear, you sound horribly entitled. Perhaps it would be better, next year, if you book yourself an afternoon tea somewhere fancy and tell your daughter the day before? Save her having to disappoint you again.

I think you have lost sight of the fact you are saying this about a 13 year old girl who initiated doing this special treat for her mum.

No the Op reduced it to just her daughter in her second post. Zero repercussions on the DH, her daughter should have made more effort.

The is OP didn’t have to ask for a present, she was asked what present she would like.

Which they didn’t get her.

She is 13! I think some people have unrealistic expectations.

Ready made sandwiches are grim at the best of times, let alone ones that have been kept for 2 or 3 days before hand. I get you, OP, when I do afternoon tea I buy the small rolls from M & S and it's so simple to do some simple fillings. It's an entire lack of effort but I'd put that onto your DH and not your DD.

Jesus Christ.

She is thirteen, she asked what you would like and she’s probably really excited about doing it for you (unless of course you’ve already made your displeasure obvious to her!).

She isn’t just chucking you a packet of sandwiches, she’s making you an afternoon tea! She’ll no doubt set it up nicely for you and has taken the time to think about what sort of things you would like on there.

It’s a Hallmark holiday.

You are being completely unreasonable.