Lack of thought or am I being ungrateful?

[Wrongsideof50]

So DD age 13, asked what I would like for Mother’s Day, I suggested her (and her dad) making us an afternoon cream tea, fancy cakes, sandwiches sausage rolls strawberries type thing.. he took her to M&S and Sainsbury’s to buy stuff..I had already suggested, to both daughter and husband..them making nice sandwiches with bread or little fancy bread rolls with various fillings and cutting them small etc..just like you would get in a restaurant/cafe setting. Today whilst prepping lunch with DD she asked if had any cucumber, tomatoes to go with her lunch ..I said no we’ve run out but you’ve bought some for making Mother’s Day stuff so we can just use some from that …reply was oh no we didn’t get any cos we bought ready made sandwiches!!! Wtaf!! They bought a few sandwiches from M&S to cut up…I mean I get buying the sausage rolls and also cakes to cut up to save them baking but at least make the bloody sandwiches!!! .to say I’m disappointed is putting it mildly…zero effort, zero imagination, gutted 😞 is it too much to ask they put effort in and make it , it’s not like I’m asking for three course roast lunch it’s a few sandwiches! Am I being ungrateful and overreacting…not spoken to husband about it yet but have just been to shop and bought some rolls (and strawberries) so she can make some of it tomorrow! ☹️

I would have much preferred M&S sandwiches to homemade. Homemade would all have been the same bread whereas with bought you can have wholemeal, seeded, oat or white and the fillings can be properly matched to the bread. Smoked salmon and cream cheese needs wholemeal while prawn mayo needs seeded or oat.

I’d prefer the made sandwiches - more professional looking and less squashed and more hygienic.

I think you had an adult vision in your head or the Instagram version of life. You could have shown her a Pinterest board if you want something done exactly people need more information.shes only 13 ,plus imaging whatyou want and expecting a man and a child to deliver is a bit silly. She might be able to get her head around it in the future but setting her up to fail then sulking will ruin her memory's "I remember the time my mum sulked on mothers day......" I have always found that if I want something done do it myself because I am the only one who is living in my head." Praisr her instead and next year she might come up with something by herself.

FWIW, I notice my 9yr old prioritises outcome over effort in presents - for us all. While I too would love to think of him pouring his time and effort into making something just for me, he came home proud from school that he’d fished some discarded kids’ artwork out of the bin for his Granny’s birthday as it was better than what he could produce.

I think time and effort - homemade sandwiches rather than M&S, for example, is appreciated much later. Mid twenties, maybe?

TBH I think this is bloke style thinking and daughter is only 13. Yeah, I get it, you thought they would make it all by hand, but honestly? They think they've bought you nice treats and will lay it all out and wait on you. Must have happened by now and I hope you were appreciative!
Give it time and next request, be more specific. It's no different to them getting you flowers and the wrong chocolates...maybe buying dark chocs and not realising you like milk or something. They meant well.

They made an effort to get you some lovely food from m&s, I'm not sure why you'd be upset about that.

You know what I got for Mother's Day? A teabag! And 3 cards, 1 of them I'd paid for. So I don't really have any sympathy for your premade sandwiches! 😂

Jeez gimme M&S sarnies over homemade definitely. They went shopping and bought a nice selection of food, I’d be made up with that!! Stop being so ungrateful

You’re an unbelievably ungrateful wagon. Hope they do zilch for you next year.

The whole point is OP got what she asked for. Afternoon tea. To nit pick over the rype of sandwiches is petty bearing in mind her DD obviously thought her Mum would be happy.
A big tbank you would suffice. Lots of poor Mums get forgotten. She should be grateful.

Perhaps they are fed up with having everything made from scratch and M&S seen as a treat/novelty! I would have as a kid. In addition I would have thought also Oh for God's sake why we cant we be like my mates' families and have ready made food now and then. M&S ready made food is hardly deprivation!

Wow. Who’s the 13 yr old here? Get over yourself.

This ^ For Mother's day I let my young dcs know I only need "a coffee (from daddy), a card & a cuddle (the hug is the best gift of all). I never ever want them to feel pressured, or like they need to fuss. This is so important to me after dealing with my own dm who was difficult to please.

Dc 6yrs came excitedly running in with a card he decorated and a cuddly toy he picked out and had chosen off his own back, he had the day crossed on his calendar himself and reminded dh to take him to the shops. It melted my heart when I heard.

Honestly I was the happiest Mum in the whole world, as I cuddled my dcs and sipped my coffee in bed. I could never imagine nitpicking over a few sandwiches; I wouldn't care as long as I didn't have to make them!
It means so much more when people do things because they want to do them.

😂 Well I hope it was one hell of a good cup of tea!

you're lucky you got to be a mum in the first place; Lots of women don't, for many reasons. Be grateful.

I’m not a fan of things like Mother’s Day for this reason, creates expectation and disappointment - it wasn’t just the sandwiches themselves, OP was expecting her DP and DD to be having fun making the sandwiches together etc, it’s all nice and that but you’re hurting your own feelings. And it’s a hard day for so many people. Two of my friends have lost a teen child in the last year, and so many friends now have lost their own mums, I can’t tell you how grateful I was to get cards at 11am when mine woke up and get Taco Bell on deliveroo for us all, and to speak to my own mum.

You clearly don't make good sandwiches.

She asked her husband to help 13 yr old tho!
I would be so sad too. Lack of thought and care here

Yeah,you use the leftovers the following days!
Is this why this country wastes so much food? Because one days leftovers are thrown away?

NOT princess behaviour! She wanted an afternoon tea, they just went out and bought stuff. Not the same thing!

In years to come there will probably be a post 'AIBU to think mother is too demanding and ungrateful'

My, admittedly much older DD makes wonderful egg mayo sandwiches for special occasions. Has done for some years. She loves cooking and preparing food. However, I wouldn't be at all disappointed at shop bought. She makes sausage rolls too. We are both veggie so she uses veggie sausages. But as I say, wouldn't bother me if the whole cream tea was shop bought. It's the thought that counts.

She GOT an afternoon tea!! So what if they bought stuff! FFS didn’t it used to be a bunch of daffs as a token of appreciation.

Anyway she went out and bought stuff to make them make her princess tea.

If I were in your shoes, I would be grateful. My DS hasn't spoken to me for over 20 years ... even a mouldy old shop bought sandwich would've made my day on Mothers' Day!

YABU. They've gone out to buy nice food for a special lunch for you & it's not good enough in your opinion because they've not made the sandwiches themselves. Very ungrateful of you. I hope you didn't let your DD see how annoyed you were. She'll be devastated that you didn't like her Mothers Day Treat.