Lack of thought or am I being ungrateful?

[Wrongsideof50]

So DD age 13, asked what I would like for Mother’s Day, I suggested her (and her dad) making us an afternoon cream tea, fancy cakes, sandwiches sausage rolls strawberries type thing.. he took her to M&S and Sainsbury’s to buy stuff..I had already suggested, to both daughter and husband..them making nice sandwiches with bread or little fancy bread rolls with various fillings and cutting them small etc..just like you would get in a restaurant/cafe setting. Today whilst prepping lunch with DD she asked if had any cucumber, tomatoes to go with her lunch ..I said no we’ve run out but you’ve bought some for making Mother’s Day stuff so we can just use some from that …reply was oh no we didn’t get any cos we bought ready made sandwiches!!! Wtaf!! They bought a few sandwiches from M&S to cut up…I mean I get buying the sausage rolls and also cakes to cut up to save them baking but at least make the bloody sandwiches!!! .to say I’m disappointed is putting it mildly…zero effort, zero imagination, gutted 😞 is it too much to ask they put effort in and make it , it’s not like I’m asking for three course roast lunch it’s a few sandwiches! Am I being ungrateful and overreacting…not spoken to husband about it yet but have just been to shop and bought some rolls (and strawberries) so she can make some of it tomorrow! ☹️

And 20 years from now your daughter will still remember that you thought she did not put enough effort into your mother's day tea.

Which they did. They got her exactly what she asked for. If she didn’t want sandwiches, cream tea cakes and sausages rolls like you’d buy in a cafe or restaurant (as in all bought) but all hand made from scratch at home she should have specified,

Oh stop being ridiculous. They did exactly as you demanded asked, don’t be ungrateful because they bought one thing that doesn’t live up to your standards!

Yep. Not getting validation so throws in a drip for more sympathy - MN classic

Remember the days when Mother's Day was a card and a bunch of daffs? How quaint! Now we have HOW DARE YOU EXPECT ME TO EAT SHITTY PRE-MADE M & S SANDWICHES YOU BASTARDS! YOU CLEARLY DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL!!! I might be paraphrasing slightly.

So predictable

As a child, if I'd come across someone who always cooked from scratch, id assume it was because they couldn't afford the shop stuff. So as a treat I would get them shop stuff. Children don't tend to see home-made as a treat.

Be mad at him not her. She’s 13.

She did specify, she asked them to MAKE nice sandwiches with bread or fancy bread rolls with fillings.

The DH should have done better. Such a low bar for men here.

😆

Ready made supermarket sandwiches are not nice in my opinion and I would never normally eat them.
"...these are M&S sandwiches"
My DM made everything from scratch and consequently I saw ready made things at other people's houses as such a treat! I know it's 'your' day but DH and DD are providing what you asked for, maybe they just fancy a less predictable spread than what they usually have.

I sometimes buy M and S sandwiches to cut up when I am hosting lunch. Much better selection and flavours. It's a shame if you will waste your Mother's Day and your daughter's treat over a sandwich.

You missed the “or” in her instructions,
“them making nice sandwiches with bread or little fancy bread rolls with various fillings and cutting them small etc..just like you would get in a restaurant/cafe setting”

so making sandwiches OR little fancy bread rolls…just like you’d buy in a restaurant.

DD chose the second option.

M&S will probably do better than your fridge.

I never understand why people post in AIBU and then complain about people "tearing me down" when they get disagreeable replies.

And personally I can and do make an excellent sandwich, but I'd never turn my nose up at a pre made Marks one.

No, you’ve not understood. She said to make sandwiches or to make rolls. As in you buy rolls and make your own filled rolls with fillings.

Seriously, how are you not getting this? You must be doing it deliberately.

Agree. The 13 year old girl will only remember the resentment from her mum when she tried to do a nice thing. What a sad memory to carry

Your poor daughter. She does something nice for you and this is the reaction she gets. It IS thoughtful to buy lots of lovely nice cakes and sandwiches from M&S.

Why are you taking this out on your daughter like your husband wasn’t even there? And the last part - you sound lovely! Not sure I’d want to be expending very much effort either!

About everyone waiting to tear you down: it isn’t them. It’s you.

I hope you can hold it together enough to look grateful for your daughter’s sake at least.

Really?????

Yeah that’s really lazy and a stupid way of teaching DD how to spend money… chucking £4 per sandwich away instead of just making some at home. Good job dad she’ll not be able to feed herself.

Nothing suggests OP was resentful to her dd, you and @Cakeandcardio have assumed that.

Your daughter and husband must dread Mothers' Day, Christmas and your birthday if you are always so critical and ungrateful.

Your daughter bought what she thought you wanted and you haven't even waited until Mothers' Day before you've decided it's shit.

Part of the pleasure of doing nice things for people is a positive reaction (even if they've got it slightly wrong).

If you can't be pleased they will stop trying (maybe your husband already has) and then you will have something to complain about.

My memories of Mothers' Day as a child are not happy ones. Every year my siblings and I would try so hard to please her and every year we failed.

Her own mother, our grandmother, was the same and mother was always complaining that grandmother was always so ungrateful. Unfortunately, although she could see her mother's faults, she was completely blind to her own.

Don't end up being one of those mothers that "can't understand why" their adult children couldn't give a shit about them and "never make an effort".

Because 9 times out of 10 they’re posting to get validation that they’re right so when it doesn’t go their way they
a - add a drip feed for more sympathy
b - play the ‘omg it’s a pile on’ victim card

Or more often than not both

To those saying I should have told them I would prefer homemade sandwiches ..I did! I even suggested a few of my favourite fillings and suggested they check to see what we have already and what they might need to buy…and that they could enjoy making them together tomorrow. I would never show her or tell her that it’s not good enough and be moody tomorrow with a face like a cats arse as someone suggested! But let’s not go with that narrative as it doesn’t suit the people that like to tear others down by being nasty!