Lack of thought or am I being ungrateful?

[Wrongsideof50]

So DD age 13, asked what I would like for Mother’s Day, I suggested her (and her dad) making us an afternoon cream tea, fancy cakes, sandwiches sausage rolls strawberries type thing.. he took her to M&S and Sainsbury’s to buy stuff..I had already suggested, to both daughter and husband..them making nice sandwiches with bread or little fancy bread rolls with various fillings and cutting them small etc..just like you would get in a restaurant/cafe setting. Today whilst prepping lunch with DD she asked if had any cucumber, tomatoes to go with her lunch ..I said no we’ve run out but you’ve bought some for making Mother’s Day stuff so we can just use some from that …reply was oh no we didn’t get any cos we bought ready made sandwiches!!! Wtaf!! They bought a few sandwiches from M&S to cut up…I mean I get buying the sausage rolls and also cakes to cut up to save them baking but at least make the bloody sandwiches!!! .to say I’m disappointed is putting it mildly…zero effort, zero imagination, gutted 😞 is it too much to ask they put effort in and make it , it’s not like I’m asking for three course roast lunch it’s a few sandwiches! Am I being ungrateful and overreacting…not spoken to husband about it yet but have just been to shop and bought some rolls (and strawberries) so she can make some of it tomorrow! ☹️

Yes but focused over the Ops imaginary belittling of her DD. With lots of fictitious conversations thrown in. Which Op has clearly said she wouldn’t dream of doing.

When the DD asked what her mum wanted do you think it would have been better to say “anything” or even better “nothing” ? She asked for a fancy tea and told her what fillings she liked.

The moan is about lack of effort not the quality of the sandwiches. Ops just having whinge on here. I expect she’s well over it now.

She was asked and it was delivered. She’s entitled to feel a little bit disappointed it wasn’t quite how she wanted to it, but that’s pretty much sums up every every expectation anyone ever has, rarely is the experience is as romantic as the notion. The husband & daughter probably saw the sandwiches and thought it was a smarter, more effective way to give mom what she wants, which I’d agree with, especially when M&S literally do mini sandwich platter sets that contain various different types of bread and fillings. Why be wasteful buying all these things individually when they’re literally there. To be as annoyed you’d come on to forum wanting your feelings validated is where I think she’s being ott and yes to validate her feelings you need to agree her daughter just didn’t do enough. When the opposite is true, even if she was encouraged by dad she still asked mom what she wanted and went to the shops and got it. Thats still more than most 13yo would have done. Even at best some may have got a card and a box of chocolates from the local shop. There was still a substantial amount of effort put in. I think this mom is being ungrateful. People didn’t agree with her and it wasn’t until she doubled down & accused others or tearing her down did people get a little more direct with her actions

Very true, @NoisyViewer

Try not having anything for mothers day not even a card even though you knew one of your kids had made one at school ( saw in school bag) and then taking kids to football and your MIL getting treated. I did get stuff other years, fortunstely a one off . Cant go wrong with M&S sandwiches. I can imagine you would be moaning about the mess in the kitchen and them using things you were saving for something else .

I bought my own flowers, booked a restaurant for lunch and then sat and watch a period drama film in my own. To say I was disappointed is an understatement. I did get a card though.

She wasn’t a little bit disappointed though!

As she said in OP to say she is disappointed is putting it mildly!

Total overreaction IMO! She rants on about WTAF etc.

I agree with PP. Be grateful your 13 year old DD cared enough to do something for you on MD.

I wonder how many DMs there are whose DD and DSc have gone NC, and didn’t bother
with a card or a call or flowers or make any effort at all.

Bear in mind that incidents perceived as ingratitude are remembered by DC for a lifetime

OP please come on and put professor plum or whatever he's called out of his misery and tell him to stop over analysing a one off event ffs the notifications are doing my nut in now!! I think the problem with a lot of commenters they haven't had a good rodgering for years!!

You could just unwatch the post? If it’s causing such angst!

I'm with you, OP. Personally, I am not a fan of any part of Mother's Day - but isn't the whole point of it do do something personal and handmade? Draw a card, make a gift - and, yes, knock together a few sandwiches. Of course, homemade sandwiches are nicer than M&S and it's an opportunity to make something special and creative, just for you. I think they could have made a couple of fairy cakes as well.

No that’s not the point of Mother’s Day.

It's not the poster who's annoying me it's the commenters.

Maybe being "gutted" is a strong reaction to her daughter's efforts for Mother's Day?
Anyway, I hope she's recovering and has enjoyed the intention, at least.

Am I the only person who doesn’t expect stuff from my children? If they send something for my birthday or for Mothering Sunday I am happy and grateful. If they don’t, I don’t mind. It isn’t a right to receive presents or outings etc. My children are all grown up now, but I always felt like this.
When your child asks you what you would like, it seems odd to me to go into detail and then get upset if it doesn’t come up to your expectations. My response to the question would most likely have been “A nice home made card please”.

I'm surprised that expectations so low and it's taken for granted that young people are inordinately thoughtless and selfish. The tradition is pretty minimal - it's a low bar.

I do expect my children to mark Mother's Day and would be upset if they didn't. Same with Father's Day, birthdays, Christmas. It is what we did as a family when they were growing up and part of our family traditions. They are adults now and I would see it as a huge message, and not a very good one, if they ignored it.

You can still unwatch 🤣

I meant she is allowed to feel what she feels. That doesn’t make her any less wrong. I think she’s being really ungrateful. Looking for something to be unhappy about and criticise. I hope her daughter didn’t sense it as this kind of things sticks with you.

I wasn’t criticising anyone. I just don’t see the value in a present given because the giver knows that the recipient expects it and will be upset if it doesn’t arrive or is not up to standard.