AIBU to think our 18 year olds should work instead of wasting away weekends?

[Roxen]

First of all, I know they are 18 so I have no control over this, it’s more about the debate between DH and I.

DH and I have twins who are 18, in their last year of school, they are doing IB diploma so it’s quite intense, has a lot involved in it, exams start at the end of April and run through May.

We agreed to neither of them having part time jobs as between their studies and the extra things they have to do they wouldn’t have time. However this weekend I’m feeling quite annoyed about that, as neither of them are going to do anything remotely related to school.

Last night they went to a friends birthday party, got home at about 2am, they then along with DD sat up for the F1 sprint race. Went to sleep for a few hours woke back up for qualifying and went to sleep again afterwards. Now they have all gone to the pub where they will stay all day for the 6 nations matches. DD has said when she gets home she will watch the Indian wells tennis semi-finals, before going to sleep and waking up for the F1 tomorrow. They then all have tickets for a football game tomorrow, before going out for dinner with school friends.

I think this is a stupid amount of time to spend doing very little over a whole weekend, I don’t really enjoy watching sports but my kids do and I increasingly feel it takes up all of their time. DH thinks it’s fine, it’s culture and they can study another weekend. I think if they have the time to waste a weekend away in front of the TV, they have time to take on a part time job.

AIBU?

Op you sound miserable. They’re only 18. What job do you expect them to have.

It sounds wonderful OP, it’s great that they’re enjoying being 18!

Have they ever had jobs?

Competition for jobs is crazy, I wouldn’t say not hang a PT job at 20 as a FT student is lacking work ethic, truly.

Mumsnet really tends to begrudge young people having even a day off a week and not working. If I had parents like that I'd have jacked in A-levels or uni and just got a full-time job instead. At least if I was working 40 hours a week I might get left the fuck alone on the weekends.

How did you fund your social life?

My Dd has had a pub job from year 10 and will carry on till end year 12. She’s going to stop when she starts y13 as she will have lots of ucas prep to do and we are going to start paying her an allowance then to help her. I’m happy to do that as she’s been earning her own money for three years.

if your twins have never had a job then I think it would be great for their development, if it still leaves time for their academic work.

Why does it have to be a paid job? DD volunteered with the Scouts since she was 14. She was a young leader and is now a proper leader for a Beaver group.

I am sure that she gained plenty of experience dealing with a variety of issues, meeting preparations, meeting planning, she spent weekends on camp with them.

I preferred she was doing something which gave her a variety of skills but kept it flexible during exam and mock periods instead of working for money and neglecting her studies.

@reluctantbrit looks like they have to do some volunteering as part of the course

They have the rest of their lives to have to clean, do admin, build furniture at weekends. As long as they are grateful and pick up around the the house I would let them. They will never have this time ever again, let them look back fondly if it’s financially ok.

Why do they need a job when they are busy in school ? They need downtime, they’ll be working at a real job soon enough for long enough. Give them a weekend off.

Neither of my two had weekend jobs during their A levels/Btec and both are now the most hard working young people imaginable. Dd danced at a very high level & was also into watching sports & Ds was involved in music & amateur theatre.

can’t blame them for wanting to watch sprint & quali. I know Dd did (plus she was up for Australia GP last weekend. I’ve been to the football this weekend. Everyone needs some relaxation & social time.

Why don’t you think they should have any down time? Do you work in some capacity every day?

It sounds like one weekend where they went out and enjoyed themselves. I have a just turned 18 year old. He hasn't got a job ( he did have in year 12) and I would prefer if he did get a job, but not now, 2 months before exams. DS has been out a lot with various friends for his and their birthdays. He has been doing revision during the weekend as well. It seems a bit of an overreaction to one weekend watching sport during a quite intense time to moan that they should get a job. DS and your DC can look for a job over the very long summer break. They will also most likely have to work into their 70's before they get a State pension, if it even exists anymore by then!

You say they are working hard for their upcoming exams. This weekend they are enjoying themselves. What’s the problem? My DD needed the occasional day off from intensive study too. At the moment she’s counting the hours til she comes home from Durham and even though she will have some course would to do over the Easter break she will also spend a lot of time sleeping and vegging out. She worked last summer, has a paid internship at uni starting April and another internship abroad this coming summer, it’s not like she’s slacking and I don’t have to give her any money at all.
As long as they are conscientious with their schoolwork, give them a break. However I would expect them to work this coming summer.

Also, presumably the consequence of not working is not having any/ much spending money? So it’s up to them!

My dd is 17 (yr 12) and her main income source is babysitting for local families rather than an official job. She does WE every Weds pm but that’s not paid.

I didn't really have one. I'm an introvert and need downtime which means not being out the house 24/7. Socialising was just another chore for me.

Sounds like they’re having a great time. They’re 18, the real world is going to come for them soon enough, let them have fun.

easy come, easy go

no need to work part time, money in the bank and stay up all night watching sport win to parties

They need days off ! We all do!

Mine have incredible work ethic and not a bit spoiled.
Not a fan of pt jobs in this house, i prefer they focus on college in term time. Summer no bother but not termtime.
Heavy courses along with an erasmus, they have had enough to be doing.
Such a narrow minded view that they only learn a work ethic and money management from a pt job.
Nor has it held any of them back not working term time. Internships, grad programmes, high end positions. All achieved so far..
Im so so glad i was able to support them in this. A weekend off does not a slacker make.

Yes indeed - there's a lot of sentimental foolishness apparent on this thread.

My DCs worked at babysitting from their early teens and got hourly part time jobs thanks to the references from people they babysat for, then while at u iversity held down part time jobs. They had long CVs by the time they started interviewing for graduate level career track positions.

Regardless of the difficulty of finding jobs, I bet there are plenty of smart young people out there working part time, and they will reap the benefits when future employers see that they managed time well, getting excellent A level or IB results while also turning up and doing their PT jobs. A student who has no references, no experience dealing with ordinary working environments, and who can show no evidence of ability to manage their time is not going to be as attractive a prospect as one who can show they can keep several plates spinning and still get excellent results.

In today's graduate job market, grades are only a part of the picture a graduate presents to a future employer.

I’ve read all your posts several times to see if Im missing something, but I have to say that I think you’re being incredibly unreasonable with your expectations.

As part of their course these young people have had to do " something creative, something active and something that is service for their local community/volunteering " on top of their schoolwork. Dont know how long they do these things but OP said it could be quite a lot and agreed this meant no time for part time jobs. Now this is winding down before the exams OP suddenly wants them to get jobs. That is not the same as a child just doing schoolwork and working a few hours on top. Time enough to work during the summer. The something for the community and possibly the other compulsory parts is already building their cv/ giving them references and contacts.

She does need to be careful that they dont spend all the summer blowing all their inherited money but at the moment she is BU.

IB exams start in 6 weeks and the IB revision is insane. Remember they are revising for six different subjects with 3 at higher level. If you think they can pick up a Saturday job now it sounds like you haven’t got your head around what the IB involves, and presumably they have only recently completed all their IAs? It’s a one off, I’d be seeing what revision support they need rather than fretting about their downtime.

That said IB exams finish much earlier than A levels so they will have a big long summer if they are heading to uni. They will have a head start advantage in looking for summer jobs. Thats the time they could be out looking for casual jobs and not getting bored with nothing to do all summer.