AIBU re Mother’s Day

[ChangedUserName2026]

My DH has always been very close to his mum (my MIL). To be fair, I actually get on well with her.

However, today he casually announced that he’s invited his parents over for Mother’s Day and will be cooking her favourite meal and dessert to celebrate. He didn’t ask me beforehand, just informed me.

I can’t help feeling a bit put out. I’m his wife and the mother of his DC, so I’d have thought Mother’s Day might involve at least asking what I’d like to do, or doing something that I’d enjoy too.

Instead, it seems I’ll be hosting my PIL and eating my MIL’s favourite meal.

DH does have form for putting other people (especially MIL) before me, which probably doesn’t help with how this feels.

AIBU for being annoyed about this? Or am I being a bit of a precious princess? My friends think DH is being a bit of a d@ck and have validated my feelings, but curious what MN thinks.

But not on Mothering Sunday

Im a tad torn here, as Ive never been a mother, only a step mum, and I had a very rocky relationship with my own mother so Mothering Sunday was a pure nightmare for me

Thinking on this scenario, with my background, I wouldn't be very unhappy about it, not to the extent I would leave the house

I personally would go along with it being Mothering Sunday, reminding DH that yes, his Mother is to be celebrated, but you are as well, and tell him its your day as well so you will be putting feet up and expecting the same hospitality as afforded his mother - ie - you want be lifting or laying a finger

Then, I would just sit back and enjoy the fuss

Spot on. Thank you.

But not on Mother's Day surely?!

He should have involved you in the decision making, and will hopefully cook AND clear up, but I feel kind of sorry for MIL. We don’t tend to get together with extended family so much these days so surely Mother’s Day is a great opportunity to celebrate Mum’s of all generations.
To be honest, some posters suggesting OP head out and make MIL feel uncomfortable are ridiculous. Would they want their own mothers to be in that situation?

I am so sorry to read Mother’s Day has been so challenging for you. I hope this Sunday will be as ok as possible for you.

And thank you. Yes I intend to do absolutely no chores on Sunday.

For Father's Day have yourself a day out with friends... Say he's so lucky to be spending his special day with the dc...

No way would I be cleaning up . Why would you be ?
I vote for going out for the day too.

Can you invite your parents too and make it a family day where DH cooks for all the mums?
I would be annoyed at the lack of consultation and thought for you, but I quite like Mothers Day being a big family affair, I don't really understand the idea that grandmothers should forget that that are mums too.

This would have been wonderful. My ideal scenario. Sadly neither of my parents are around.

If it wasn't for his parents or yours your children wouldn't be here, enjoy the family while they are still around ❤️

This.

OP you are being far more understanding than I would be! I get on well with my MIL but Mother’s Day is my day to celebrate just as Father’s Day is my husbands to do whatever he wants. If my husband was foolish enough to act like yours I would be furious. I know you said you won’t be going out separately so I would be making sure DH was under no illusions as to how angry I was and that this would not be happening ever again. I would be very disappointed in my son if in the future he treated the mother of his children like your DH has! It is absolutely a day to celebrate the mother who has children at home, the grandmothers on each side get flowers, a card and a phone call or celebrate another day.

I'm sorry to hear this OP. He sounds like an inconsiderate shit 💩

I'm working all day on Mothers day, so we are celebrating it tomorrow (Saturday) instead, so that we don't miss it. 💕

Sadly both mine and my DH mums have passed away, but he will make a fuss of his Nanna on Sunday (she's nearly 100) and Our DS is excited for the weekend as it will involve lots of cakes! 😆

Would you say to him that you would like your favourite meal cooked tomorrow, and that way stretch the day out into the whole weekend? So to speak?
I'm really sorry that he was an insensitive shite. 😔 I hope you get to enjoy this weekend 💕
@ChangedUserName2026

Maybe mil in law can help clear up ...see how he feels about that

Thank you. I agree it is important to cherish parents (I fully appreciate this given both of mine are not around).

I am not upset at having my PIL to visit for the day. I am upset about the lack of care and consideration my DH has shown. Who knows. He may have a surprise in store for me. To be clear, I am not asking for a grand gesture. A card would be enough. But the way it has come across today, it seems that my MIL, and only my MIL, will be celebrated on Sunday. I am hoping fervently to be wrong.

It would have been out of order to invite his family (or anyone) round for lunch without talking to you first even if it wasn't Mothers' Day. I can't really imagine that. Just seems like a fairly necessary step if you want to host - make sure the other adult in the house is on board and it's convenient for them. So yes, you're totally justified to be annoyed by the lack of consultation.

As for the Mothers' Day aspect, I always think that you only get aggrieved at not being shown care on "special days" when you don't get shown care for the rest of the year. Look at all the posters saying things like "it's the only day you don't have to run around after everyone" - well if you don't have to run around after everyone by default then carving that out on one day per year isn't so important. So as well as the lack of consultation, I think the pattern you've noticed of being de-prioritised should be addressed.

I think a lot of posters are missing the point that it's not really about the specific plan, which OP seems fine with, but the two more general factors.

Thank you so much.
Mi am sorry to read about your DM and MIL.

I hope you have a a lovely day celebrating tomorrow. And I hope your husband had another wonderful day on Sunday with his nana. 100? Amazing!

Exactly this! Thank you for articulating the issue so much better than I have.

My first year as a mum I helped dh put all their old cine films on video with a soundtrack. I didn't even get a card! His excuse was dd wasn't old enough to get one. Going ballistic doesn't even get close to how I felt.

He never ever got it that wrong ever again. Ever.

Ooh yes, this. Clearing up for someone else's mother (not even yours) on Mothers Day? Your children must be confused, surely it should be called Grannies Day!

How about some plain speaking OP?
Just tell him he's messed up, arranging his mother's day around his own mother instead of around you, and not even checking that you were OK with that before committing. But he's done it now so you will attend the meal with a good grace.
Next year though, you would like the day to be focused on you, to show that he values you and your role in the family.

Surely he has involved the kids in choosing a present or buying/making a card? That is your fuss. You will also have dinner made for you, making his mums favourite meals (so long as not something you dislike) is making a fuss of her too.

It is a difficult balance doing right for mother of his children and his own mum. Cut him some slack.

I'm going against the grain here and will get flamed i know. He most definitely should be considering you and doing something nice for you and that consideration should extend beyond mothers day. That aside, his own mum doesn't cease to exist now he has a wife. She has brought him up and cared for him so in my view she shouldn't be cast aside. We all only get one mum and a good mum worries about her kids whether they are 5 or 50. I say this as a daughter, mother and mil.

Which is fine as a general rule but not on Mother’s Day! Especially when he is cooking his mum’s favourite & you are just there by default.

You shouldn’t be lifting a finger on Mother’s Day. Your DH is a twat.