AIBU re Mother’s Day

[ChangedUserName2026]

My DH has always been very close to his mum (my MIL). To be fair, I actually get on well with her.

However, today he casually announced that he’s invited his parents over for Mother’s Day and will be cooking her favourite meal and dessert to celebrate. He didn’t ask me beforehand, just informed me.

I can’t help feeling a bit put out. I’m his wife and the mother of his DC, so I’d have thought Mother’s Day might involve at least asking what I’d like to do, or doing something that I’d enjoy too.

Instead, it seems I’ll be hosting my PIL and eating my MIL’s favourite meal.

DH does have form for putting other people (especially MIL) before me, which probably doesn’t help with how this feels.

AIBU for being annoyed about this? Or am I being a bit of a precious princess? My friends think DH is being a bit of a d@ck and have validated my feelings, but curious what MN thinks.

It's mother's day. Come on, keep up.

I'm sorry @ChangedUserName2026 I hadn't read full thread when I posted that. I hope you are still able to enjoy the day with DH and his mum/ your DC grandmother, but not lift a single finger to facilitate the family day as it is definitely your day to put your feet up.

And that your DH helps your DC make a lovely fuss of you in the morning before any visitors arrive. There's nothing like a luke-warm milky cup of tea with cold buttered toast in bed to remind you how much you are loved 💖

Fuck that for a laugh! Not on Mother's Day. Him and his dad and the kids can do it. Don't be a mug!

Thank you 😊

Indeed it is Mother’s Day on Sunday. I am aware. Hence this whole thread!! 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Yes, this!

If you still have your Dad, you could certainly tell him this. It might make him think.

Not on Mother's Day and certainly not when he's doing this for his mummy, and not for you.

Sod that and sod him.

Just look forward to when your kids do it for you on Mothers day . Do you not like what he's cooking for his Mother ? Sounds like he's a very thoughtful son .

Do not clear up! That will sort next year.

It can be a day to celebrate all mothers surely. That’s what we do and we now have four generations.

So your DH is planning to have a lovely time with his children facilitating their involvement in doing something special for their grandmother.

On mothers day.

I really hope he is planning on doing the same for you for breakfast...

We used to have both mothers over on mother's day, making three mothers including me. It was nice.

If husband is cooking, all the better.

His mother won't be around forever. I remember how much my mum and mother in law enjoyed having a fuss made of them, they were happy times.

Can’t say it would bother me. Actually I have no idea when this day is. I just see it as something promoted to sell cards etc.

We have that same rule. Except on Mothers Day, Fathers Day, birthday's the person being honoured gets waited on and doesn’t lift a finger.

That's a job for dc and dh

Op you sound so passive and people pleasing…no wonder he’s treated you like this.
i guarantee that you will also sit there with a smile on your face, running around hosting and cleaning and end the day with a whole lot of resentment and still say nothing.

the fact that he didn’t even ask you what you wanted to do. Not even consider a favourite meal for you. The absolute disregard for what the day means to you too.

Not on Mother’s Day!!

id be going out too. He can cook and clean up and you don’t have to help him portray wonderful family life, he gets that when he’s earnt it.

And was your dh a bit of a dick to you about it, strongly implying your happiness was completely irrelevant to him on Mother’s Day?

@Shinyandnew1 The OP posted her AIBU question at 19:46, and you posted your response at 19:47.
Did you really forget within one minute that she said that 'he' would be doing the cooking, and that, 'she would be there with their children'?

Also, would it really be a treat for you to go out on Mother's Day without your children?

I’d be doing exactly no clearing up.
He’s being an inconsiderate git.

I don’t particularly like or dislike the chosen dishes. These wouldn’t be my first choice.
He is indeed. He does a lot for his parents.

i do not begrudge DH celebrating his Mum at all. It is lovely. However it is in sharp contrast to what sounds like any planned appreciation for me as the mother of his DC.

Just remind him that is great he’s involving the kids in the cooking but it’s Mother’s Day not Grandma day so he needs to make sure he also helps them do something special for you in the morning.

I struggle with hiding my feelings. However I don’t want to make things awkward for my PIL. My DH’s choices are not their mistake.
believe me my DH is in no doubt that I am upset about his seeming lack of care or consideration.
I shall not be performing any hosting duties on Sunday.

Originally I assumed his mum was in her 50s or 60s and I would’ve kicked up a fuss and said no to her coming round. 80s is very different. My grandparents are in their 70s and early 80s and sometimes I wonder how much time I have left with them.

I’d say “That’s nice dear. I’m off to the spa.”