AIBU re Mother’s Day

[ChangedUserName2026]

My DH has always been very close to his mum (my MIL). To be fair, I actually get on well with her.

However, today he casually announced that he’s invited his parents over for Mother’s Day and will be cooking her favourite meal and dessert to celebrate. He didn’t ask me beforehand, just informed me.

I can’t help feeling a bit put out. I’m his wife and the mother of his DC, so I’d have thought Mother’s Day might involve at least asking what I’d like to do, or doing something that I’d enjoy too.

Instead, it seems I’ll be hosting my PIL and eating my MIL’s favourite meal.

DH does have form for putting other people (especially MIL) before me, which probably doesn’t help with how this feels.

AIBU for being annoyed about this? Or am I being a bit of a precious princess? My friends think DH is being a bit of a d@ck and have validated my feelings, but curious what MN thinks.

I think if he thinks that mothers should be pampered on mothers day, then he should be facilitating that for you on behalf of your children, if they are too young to do it for themselves. Otherwise he is celebrating his mother's role as mum more than your role as mum and I'd be questioning why.

I'd also be questioning why he is happy to choose what he wants to do / eat on fathera day but isn't reciprocating.

Either these days are important to him, in which case he should be putting in effort for you, or they're not - in which case he shouldn't be putting in the effort for your mum.

For full disclosure I'm not bothered about mothers day, we don't really celebrate other than a card, but I think the discrepancy in treatment here is quite pointed, unfair, and upsetting

I wouldn't care at all, Mother's Day is what you want it to be, your not his mum so I find it strange you'd want him to treat / cook for you, if your kids are to little to understand or get their own gifts then you'll have plenty of time when they grow up.

I think it's lovely that a son wants to still make his mum feel special, you only have one mum and your not his.

Look i would not be happy.
And i'd probably make this a hill to die on and I would make it fucking uncomfortable all round Inc for his mother. Why would OP want to make the day uncomfortable for an elderly lady who has done absolutely nothing wrong?

It's always helpful to read all the OP's posts. Her mum has passed away.

Surely your gift on Mother’s Day is that you don’t do the cleaning up!

@ChangedUserName2026

Why will you be doing all the clearing up when it's your day too?

@FloofBunny I know so edited, my mums dead too, so sorry op I know it's hard, I still stand by I what I said

Definitely head out OP you haven’t been factored into this plan at all.

I just don’t get adults doing Mother’s Day, we celebrated when the children were 2-12 but for me it was all about them. I have no need for Recognition from my kids they’re good and don’t owe me anything.
I think it’s a bit outdated tbh

I think he should have involved you in the planning - it shouldn't be beyond him to combine a treat for you both - taking you both out for a meal would be an obvious option.

So do we EXCEPT for birthday, mothers/Father’s Day.

id say fine treat your mum but I’m not shopping, cooking or cleaning up as it’s my mother days too.

and on fathers day I’d go visit my dad and leave him with kids

I think once you have kids the new parents then become the main focus on mother's/father's day.
This makes me feel very sad, as if parenting only counts in the early years. Unfortunately my DM is now suffering with early onset dementia so won't be aware what Sunday is but she is still my Mum.

Is your mil aware that your husband is catering entirely to her?

I'm just asking as I get on really well with my mil as well and know she'd be mortified if her son snubbed me like that on mother's day.

I would tell him how shitty it is but otherwise try to enjoy the day. Have a glass of wine with your mil while they do the cooking and cleaning.

I kinda think the opposite.
When you have young kids being their mum is the centre of their world anyway. They are always telling you they love you.

I think Mother’s Day is more about making sure your mum knows how much she is still loved, even when that bits over.

I think you need to talk to your DH again. If you can’t face the conversation, send him a message or email. Tell him you’re really upset about the way he’s treating you and it’s made you question how much he really cares about you and respects you as the mother of his children. The very least he should do is cook something special for you and do all the clearing up after the meal.

If he doesn’t apologise, then you should definitely go out on Sunday!

I’d be upset tbh. It’s very uncaring of him to not even consider what you would like to do. We have the same rule whoever cooks doesn’t clean but on this occasion seeing as he wants to cook the special meal for his mum and nothing special for you I’d let him clean up tbh. I’d also probably go off and do something nice for myself.

Edited to add as I pressed post prematurely and phrased myself badly: really sorry about your mum that must be such a difficult situation and must make mothers day quite complicated for you.

I think in situations like the OPs and many others we see here it's not that parenting only matters when the kids are small but more that the ones with small kids are doing the active parenting or mothering part right now and should therefore be prioritised where there are different generations of mothers.

But not to even discuss it with his wife, the mother of his DCs - that's where it all went wrong.

I am so sorry to read about your Mum. This must be so difficult. I do hope you all have a lovely day together. Big hugs to you.

I too think it’s wonderful DH wants to make a fuss of his mum. It’s lovely. And he should definitely make the most of having her around. I also am delighted that my DC have the opportunity to have their DG in their lives regularly. I don’t begrudge this at all.

However, I would have appreciated a bit consideration. Had he discussed with me inviting his parents over for the day I would have been happy to agree. I do genuinely like my PIL. I would have also liked for some thought about perhaps preparing some part of the meal with me in mind. Genuinely don’t think I am asking for too much here.

I really dislike "Happy Mothers Day Grandma" cards!

I have no idea tbh. I guess I will find out on Sunday.
and yea I do fully intend to enjoy some wine 😄

Remind him of that, and ask him why Mothers' Day is different.

I totally agree.

Not any more! If Mother's Day is not about the mother in your household but about the mothers of the adults of the household, then Father's Day is not about the father in your household but about the fathers of the adults of the household. I suggest you enquire what his father wants from the day, and your husband can go hang.

That's not on!

You know that yet you have asked your friends for validation and now you are on here asking the same thing.

There is an elephant in the room - that he puts other people first. I'm not sure you can sort that out before Mothers Day but this is a concrete example to start the conversation you need to have.
Good luck and if you are too angry about this Mother's Day, go out with or without the kids. Do what makes you happy and is within your control - it is Mother's day (not Mother in-laws day) after all.