AIBU re Mother’s Day

[ChangedUserName2026]

My DH has always been very close to his mum (my MIL). To be fair, I actually get on well with her.

However, today he casually announced that he’s invited his parents over for Mother’s Day and will be cooking her favourite meal and dessert to celebrate. He didn’t ask me beforehand, just informed me.

I can’t help feeling a bit put out. I’m his wife and the mother of his DC, so I’d have thought Mother’s Day might involve at least asking what I’d like to do, or doing something that I’d enjoy too.

Instead, it seems I’ll be hosting my PIL and eating my MIL’s favourite meal.

DH does have form for putting other people (especially MIL) before me, which probably doesn’t help with how this feels.

AIBU for being annoyed about this? Or am I being a bit of a precious princess? My friends think DH is being a bit of a d@ck and have validated my feelings, but curious what MN thinks.

Do you hand on heart really think that not being considered at all or even consulted on Mother’s Day is looking for drama?

^ This OP
Mother's Day frees you from any division of labour!! It should be official!! But I hope you spend the day how you want to!!

So it's OK for op's day to be pissed on as long as his dm has her day?
Wow..

Indeed! 😄

You do have a good point, but on the other hand, his mum must be getting on, and he might have been reflecting on how his Mother's Days with his mum are numbered. Especially if she's had health issues.

I think you have to be clear in all of this that DH and the kids also do the clearing up. You’re also a Mum of the family who should be getting a day to relax.

Without your having to clear up it’s not so awful. Although making a meal you enjoy too would be nice!

Exactly!! FIL should be pitching in with the clearing up, not you, OP!

MIL is in her 80s but very spritely. She is involved in all sorts of clubs and activities such as gardening and walking.
I do hope we will continue to enjoy her company for many more years to come.

I think t should be the day you divorce him.

Why not open a bottle of wine, you & MIL sit down & relax?
But, yeah… You will probably be asked to do lots of things!

WAIT, though. We don't know what OP's DH has planned for her for Mother's Day.

Very true.

This would be a terrible way to respond. We don't even know yet that the DH hasn't planned anything for OP. Doing what you suggest would be extremely uncomfortable for everyone and would probably cause a family rift. OP, I hope you don't react like this.

So what are you going to do OP? I’d be going out with DC and leaving DH to entertain his Mumsy on her special day.

All these threads looking for slights around what’s a hallmark holiday are just tedious.

you’ve got family coming round, your DH is cooking.

enjoy it and be thankful you are all healthy and happy

I think you need to speak to him before Mother’s Day. At least you’ll know where you stand and if anything is planned for you. Then you can plan accordingly. I think it’s better to speak up otherwise he’ll always be prioritising Mummy and your resentment will build.

In my simple head, its Mothers day and you are the Mother of his kids. At the very least he should have consulted you and arranged maybe breakfast in bed etc for you.

This is not a normal family meal, its his treat for his mum and the treat is his from start to finish which includes the shopping, prep and cleaning up.

Do you drive OP? If so, at tea time, I would be taking my kids out to celebrate Mothers day with me, whilst their Dad cleans up after his present to his Mum. I'd make sure he stays at home.

I like my PIL and would not want them to feel uncomfortable or cause a rift with them. Me being upset is not their making.

And whilst I am not happy with DH’s approach to this Sunday, I don’t want to embarrass him either. I will however initiate a conversation about this when I am feeling less upset.

So I will not be going out. But equally I will not be doing the hosting or clearing up duties.

I know how you feel OP. It’s MIL birthday as well as Mother’s Day on Sunday. We are spending the whole day with her going to her favorite restaurant even though we have been there a million times and the menu is nothing to write home about. My DM loves too far to visit. I feel very resentful as the day will be all about her .

Thanks for your perspective.

if you find these types of threads tedious then perhaps don’t read them and engage?

Anyway, I do appreciate reading a different approach which makes me consider things differently.

In her eighties? Oh. OK, that is a decade where people tend to drop dead, or die after a short, apparently-not-serious illness. Since your DC are young, I wondered if she might be on her late sixties or only 70. If she's in her eighties, plural, in all likelihood you have few Mother's Days left with her. I can see more why your DH wants to do something with his parents. But he STILL should have consulted you!

I am sorry to read this. I do hope you have a lovely day nevertheless.

Not on Mother’s Day though?!!

I would tell him that day doesn’t work for you and the kids and go out with them for a nice day out. Why should your kids not get to spend Mother’s Day with their mum? He’s a selfish prick!!!

It's her birthday, though...

You're gonna have to update us later on Sunday now, OP! I'm invested!