AIBU re Mother’s Day

[ChangedUserName2026]

My DH has always been very close to his mum (my MIL). To be fair, I actually get on well with her.

However, today he casually announced that he’s invited his parents over for Mother’s Day and will be cooking her favourite meal and dessert to celebrate. He didn’t ask me beforehand, just informed me.

I can’t help feeling a bit put out. I’m his wife and the mother of his DC, so I’d have thought Mother’s Day might involve at least asking what I’d like to do, or doing something that I’d enjoy too.

Instead, it seems I’ll be hosting my PIL and eating my MIL’s favourite meal.

DH does have form for putting other people (especially MIL) before me, which probably doesn’t help with how this feels.

AIBU for being annoyed about this? Or am I being a bit of a precious princess? My friends think DH is being a bit of a d@ck and have validated my feelings, but curious what MN thinks.

You know you don't win a prize for responding within a minute of the OP being posted, particularly when you don't appear to have actually read it...

Sounds like he takes you for granted. My H did that - not about MD - and when I realised it, I was ready to divorce about it. I was dead serious. I saw how my mother was completely taken for granted and disrespected by my father and sadly us kids took her for granted too. I still feel guilty about it, decades later. I absolutely refuse to be treated like that myself and think it is a terrible thing for kids to see.

My H will certainly never do that again.

Thank you

I know you didn't say that I was responding to the previous post.

I hope he has a nice surprise planned for you, he just cannot tell you about it. I also hope MIL is decent enough to not allow you to wait on her. I would never let my DIL run around after me on Mothers day. Both you and MIL need to sit back and take tomorrow off.

Fingers crossed it goes well, hopefully you will update us with good news

He obviously cares whst MIL thinks. You've said she wouldn't be impressed by his behaviour towards you.

I'd make a point of not being there for the meal or the clean up. You still have time to book an overlapping trip to the spa.

Book it now. Tell him this afternoon so he doesn't cater for you.

Let him explain to MIL and kids where you are.

I don't have kids but my mum has never bothered about Mothers Day. I take her out for meals as much as I can -my brother took her out last week and the three of us are going out next week. We just don't celebrate the day as such. (If it did mean something to her I would do something).

OP. I don't think this is just about Mothers Day-its about the fact he couldn't be arsed to do something else for you too -if the day does matter to you and you feel like you've been sidelined

Well exactly -I get that the hospitality industry is struggling but it's like Valentine's -everything is twice the price

This ends now then!

You have more problems than this with him. He sounds like a dick. You friends are correct. How old are the kids? When are you free of all of this shite?

I really agree with this. I’m a mum, and my own mum has passed away. This weekend my DH is taking his mum out for a meal. I have no issue with this - I think it’s lovely that DH is doing something with his mum. BUT the key difference is that we discussed in advance and agreed the plan. The issue here - as you say in your OP - is that your DH often outs other first and doesn’t consider you. I think you should address that with him but don’t frame it about MD, but about his treatment of you in general. Don’t make it a battle between you and your MIL on who gets first dibs on MD.

Go out. Book a spa day and a hotel room for the
night.

Don’t be a doormat op. The dc dont mean enough to him that he wants to sound in any way caring towards their mother on Mother’s Day. If you want to go out with them go out. He’ll be busy cooking for his mum, he’s prioritised her so he should be wholeheartedly supporting prioritising your time with your children. Take them somewhere nice, say as you leave but you’ll be cooking for your mum, naturally my
children will be with me. Or did you mean everyone in the whole family should just be focussed on your mum today? That would be an ex husband kind of move.

Please remember it’s good for your dc to be reminded your human with human emotions.

Id be off to the nearest pub -Wetherspoon probably. They are doing a Mothers Day special (eggs Benedict and prosecco)

(Assuming you drink and can get a bus there).

Wow. Maybe for your next birthday your close friends will all do a dinner you don’t love and you can come as long as you wash the dishes, because you’ll feel really involved by being asked to be scullery maid for the night.

you cannot genuinely believe the utter shite you’re posting.

This doesn't sound good. So he wouldn't be happy with the kids going out with their mum but she's to fall in with his plans -more than a bit shite.

I'm normally one to prioritise the older gen, so a grandma will take prescidence (sp?) But in this case since you'll be doing all the work and it's HIS mother, he's taking the piss

Tell him because he’s torpedoed YOUR Mother’s Day, he needs to treat you next Sunday instead and it needs to be a super-fabulous day out that you and the kids enjoy and you’re really looking forward to seeing what he comes up with.

Also, be sure to mention it tomorrow at lunch that your DH has chosen to celebrate his mum today and will be celebrating you, the mother of his DC next weekend and you and the kids are really excited about it.

Oh, and don’t do the clearing up after his guests that you had no say in inviting, or the cleaning beforehand.

I haven’t read through the post but wanted to say, sod him, leave them to it with the kids and take yourself out for a relaxing treatment or whatever else you’d enjoy doing, for yourself.

Well maybe this year -don't.

She's not doing all the work -he's cooking -she's just to do the clearing up (not that I think that's right).

OP -has he bought you a card from the kids to give you? Will there be any gesture?

Why would she say that if it's not likely to happen? He shouldn't have to be forced into doing something -he could have planned something at any point.

You have him every day, let his mum have a couple of hours with your family, being treated.
He needs to do all the cooking and cleaning up so that you are both treated.

Maybe he is planning on doing the clearing up as well (with the kids) as it’s Mother’s Day. Appreciate that’s not the norm in your house but perhaps he just assumes it goes without saying he’ll be doing the lot.

that’s me being generous!

id just tell him you’re a bit hurt as you seem to be considered last. Hopefully he’ll see your point.

I hope you have a lovely day @ChangedUserName2026 and everyone else.
I just had a big box of chocs delivered as am on a long shift tomorrow so won't be home. Ds1's gf has influenced this 😀 she'd suggested flowers but ds remembered I'm not keen on cut flowers. Ok now and again.

When dcs were little me, mil and my dm went out for a meal amd dh and fil babysat.
I also used to love homemade cards from nursery and school. Do you get them op?

How is the OP being treated by not having to do the washing up in her own home at a meal she was told about two days ago? He's not even cooking something she wants to eat.

She gets not to do the washing up in her own house? That's not a treat. It's nothing like it. A gesture doesn't need to be massive. It could be a box of chocolates. A bottle of wine.

Surely women don't have to settle for a Mother's Day treat of having the washing up done -if it would normally be their turn

If he had at least said -I'll cook you your favourite meal -but she's to do the clearing up too.