AIBU re Mother’s Day

[ChangedUserName2026]

My DH has always been very close to his mum (my MIL). To be fair, I actually get on well with her.

However, today he casually announced that he’s invited his parents over for Mother’s Day and will be cooking her favourite meal and dessert to celebrate. He didn’t ask me beforehand, just informed me.

I can’t help feeling a bit put out. I’m his wife and the mother of his DC, so I’d have thought Mother’s Day might involve at least asking what I’d like to do, or doing something that I’d enjoy too.

Instead, it seems I’ll be hosting my PIL and eating my MIL’s favourite meal.

DH does have form for putting other people (especially MIL) before me, which probably doesn’t help with how this feels.

AIBU for being annoyed about this? Or am I being a bit of a precious princess? My friends think DH is being a bit of a d@ck and have validated my feelings, but curious what MN thinks.

I would be tempted to be petty and snitch to the PIL 😆
Maybe let MIL know she needs to bring your favourite pudding, as DH hasn't asked you or given you a choice of menu, as it's all been catered to her? 🤔
Just a thought 😆
It's tempting though...

The one thing he could do for you this Mothers' Day as he's doing sod-all else, is do the cleaning up too

I'm aghast that MiL didn't ask about you though

He's cooking.
Mine doesn't.
I'd be grateful.

I am not sure she knows. I think it will become apparent on Sunday though.

If she didn’t have children she wouldn’t be a mother so wouldn’t be celebrating Mother’s Day!

I am sorry to read your DH won’t be cooking for you. I hope he spoils you in a different manner.

No, I don’t feel grateful for feeling like an afterthought or not even a non thought in my own home on a day I should be shown appreciation. Instead I will be partaking in a meal predominantly catered for the tastes of my MIL.

You are sounding very passive OP. Talk to DH, tell him you want at least one course of the meal to be one of your favourite things (dessert?) and if he doesn't do that then but what you want and have it. I would be tempted to get a takeaway to eat while they eat MIL's favourite meal, or do that in the evening maybe.

I definitely wouldn't be quiet and accept a fucking shrug off my husband! Talk to him.

And if he is difficult about it I would take the kids out for the day somewhere I wanted to visit and leave him to it.

If you let him treat you badly then that's what he will do. Get some gumption!

No I wouldn’t want to do this however tempting it is. It would cause so much strife.

I am far from passive. Whilst I am reflective, I am quite direct actually. I have to be in my job.

I’m slightly in mil’s situation. Both my Dd and DS are taking me out for lunch tomorrow, with their families. Not having a mother myself any more I wasn’t even aware of Mother’s Day until they’d made the arrangements.
But I feel so awkward. Both DD and Ddil are mothers themselves so surely it should be all about them. I worry they’ll feel resentful, and I’ll just feel uncomfortable.

Why do YOU have to find childcare for your 4 children? They're his kids too! And as part of your MD treat, he should organise the childcare.

When he asks 'what do you want to do today' I'd be tempted to reply 'oh, don't worry, I've organised myself a spa day with lunch and afternoon tea, in fact I'm just off now, see you later, byee' and walk out the door.
MiL can join him at yours for a chippy tea 😬

I am sorry you have lost your Mum.

in your shoes, I would assume that everyone agreed to the plan beforehand as I don’t think it is normal for unilateral decisions like this to be made when part of a couple.

I truly hope you all have a wonderful day together and that you feel comfortable and cherished. And that both you DD and DDIO are equally celebrated.

I think your husband is a disgrace for this. He simply has given you no thought at all. I would find this very upsetting and would be articulating that very clearly.

If I invited my dad over on Father's Day and cooked his favourite meal, and my husband went out with or without our child, my dad would probably think we had marital issues because I was choosing to focus on him rather than my husband and the father of my child.

My dad would probably suggest he come over a different day another year, or offer me money to go on holiday and "save the marriage" bless him lol. He would never want me to damage my marriage (the key relationship of your life) by prioritising him over my husband.

My mom wouldn't be offended if my husband went out either, but I think expectations of son in laws are so much lower than daughter in laws. Especially if my husband had lost his mother.

I would be anywhere except in the house that day; I would probably go to a spa, or a cafe lunch and cinema/shopping on my own. I would not be cleaning up after his dinner, nor would I be doing any childcare or entertaining. Your husband is a disgraceful, neglectful pig, and I would be quite overtly pissed off for quite some time.

I totally agree. We used to make a fuss of my DM and DMIL but at the time I was really struggling with DS and would have preferred a quiet day at home with just the three of us. It’s about who is currently doing the job! While you never stop being a parent, grandparents had their day when they were in post. The exception could be the grandparents who are providing childcare.

Could you ask if your son has arranged anything special just for his wife? And (if you agree with this) let them know that as much as you love to see them, now they are mothers the day should be about them?

Or you could buy flowers for your daughter and DIL and thank them for being wonderful mothers to your grandchildren on the day?

I think people only have problems when the grandmother's are dictating that the whole day should revolve around them. If you are gracious people are happy to share the day I think. Have a lovely Mother's Day ❤️💐 it will be my first one

You have my sympathies. My DH also used to pull the “but you’re not my mum” card to which I would reply “but I am the mother to your children”.

Like you I also loved my MIL but she had 3 other sons and yet only my DH felt he had to put his mother ahead of his wife! Like you, I wouldn’t have minded her being invited but the menu was always chosen for her.

I wish I had a solution for you. Mother’s Day is now about me, but I wish it hadn’t taken her passing to reach this stage.

Congratulions on this being your first MD! It’s such a special occasion. I hope you have a lovely day.

Thank you for the solidarity and understanding. I truly appreciate it.
I hope you have a lovely day on Sunday.

Thank you everyone for your input whether you thought IABU or IABR. Have had food for thought and validation. It is great to get a balanced view.

I am now going to step slightly away from the thread until after tomorrow as I am getting angrier and this won’t serve me well tomorrow. I don’t want my PIL or DC to feel uncomfortable.

I hope that if you celebrate MD, you have a lovely day.

I will come back and update.

My heartfelt thanks once again.

Thank you OP ❤️ I really do hope you will have a great day tomorrow and hopefully when your children are older they will celebrate you. You've been so patient on this thread, I'm certain you're a brilliant mom 💐

You sound mature and reflective. I hope your husband can be the same.

I would 100% take myself out for the day and let DH and his mum spend time with the DGC. In fact, that actually sounds like a nice Mother’s Day!

No way would I be cleaning up a single plate. Regardless of what the chore split normally is.

I hope that anything that may become “apparent on Sunday” doesn’t spoil the day for anyone.

This is my first Mother’s Day with no children here. I still feel loved and appreciated though and we can do nice things together at other times when restaurants aren’t so busy and overpriced.