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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick of Cool Girl Mum sister-in-law?

324 replies

ThatPlumViewer · 13/03/2026 14:41

Absolutely at my limit with my sis in law and want to know if anyone else has come across this kind of Mum. The best way to describe it is that she is a pick me/cool girl Mum who always gives the impression she’s too good for motherhood.

The straw that broke the camels back was last weekend. We were all at my Mum’s house and she was given a homemade card from my brother and sister in laws son, my nephew. I said something along the lines of “ah how sweet, did he make one for you too?” to my SIL, and in response she just laughed and said no, that she doesn’t celebrate Mother’s Day so that’s why he made the card for his Granny when they made them at school. I must have looked shocked because she went on to explain that she finds Mother’s Day really naff and cringey, and she doesn’t need a day to be celebrated for doing something ordinary. It was as if she was judging those of us who do make a big deal about it.

I can’t stop thinking about how pathetic she is. This is a long line of behaviour like this from her. She was weird about her pregnancy - she was constantly saying how easy she found it, she never got sickness, she barely even felt pregnant. She chose to have a c-section and kept joking with us all that she was “too posh to push” like she was better than having a normal labour. She didn’t even give birth in her local hospital because her and my brother did loads of research and she decided she had to be in an outstanding rated hospital, and so travelled for that. She didn’t breastfeed and I know she told my Mum she found it gross which felt goady to those of us who did, and was always telling everyone who my brother did everything for her post-partum and she couldn’t understand why so many women struggled to shower with a baby. She never wanted to be called “mummy” and I know she got into a row with a health visitor when they referred to her as such.

Her son sometimes calls her by her first name now and only sometimes Mum, which is so pretentious. Everything she does is like a dig at the way Mum’s usually do things. She always said she never really felt different when she became a mother, didn’t have the usual trenches with her baby and went back to work full time with no problems. She always says her son has slotted into their lives perfectly. It’s like she thinks admitting anything has been hard or a struggle is embarrassing. It’s exactly like all the Cool Girl wives on here who say they don’t care about their husband watching porn or going to strip clubs - I feel like she’s trying to make herself look better than all the rest of us who like Mother’s Day and found newborns difficult. Everyone else I know who became a Mum found a real solidarity in being real and honest with other mums about things, but she wants to appear completely relaxed and too cool to hang out with other Mums. I just think the Mother’s Day thing has tipped me over the edge.

OP posts:
Toddlertiredp · 13/03/2026 16:19

Sounds like she potentially struggled with becoming a mum and this is her way of coping. Lots of reasons why she is like this but doesn’t sound like it affects you particularly if it is annoying. I think I’d just let it roll over my head to be honest.

likelysuspect · 13/03/2026 16:20

I think on a site like this people dont really accept or acknowledge how many mums in real life dont want to breast feed and dont like the idea of it.

Alliod40 · 13/03/2026 16:20

This reply has been deleted

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diddl · 13/03/2026 16:20

I never got "morning" sickness.

I don't know anyone who did.

In films when a first sign of pregnancy was throwing up I used to roll my eyes.

Didn't realise that the majority of women do!

skippy67 · 13/03/2026 16:22

I can’t stop thinking about how pathetic she is.

You need a hobby.

Mimzy26 · 13/03/2026 16:23

Maybe she's just a dick

Muffinmam · 13/03/2026 16:24

AtIusvue · 13/03/2026 16:12

You were being goady OP, when you asked if your nephew had made a homemade card for her too. Then the amateur dramatics when she says she doesn’t do Mother's day.

You sound like hard work.

I thought so too. The theatrics are ridiculous.

The OP sounds very judgmental. Each family is different. It’s like an adult being shocked when a Jehovah’s Witness reveals they don’t celebrate Christmas with presents and Santa. A child might be shocked hearing but an adult should have a bit more awareness about the world.

DaisyChain505 · 13/03/2026 16:24

You have no idea why she is the way she is and shame on you for judging her so much.

She could have had a strained relationship with her own mother growing up which has had a knock on effect of how she deals with being a mother.

She could not be a “natural” mum and these are the ways she deals with it.

There are many reasons why she acts the way she does. Try not being so closed minded.

Muffinmam · 13/03/2026 16:25

skippy67 · 13/03/2026 16:22

I can’t stop thinking about how pathetic she is.

You need a hobby.

I don’t think the sister in law is pathetic at all 😒

Ungulanta · 13/03/2026 16:25

This is surely a reverse, can't believe anyone could be this unreasonable. Your insecurities are visible from space - lay off the poor woman and let her get on with her own life in the way that suits her.

Catcatcatcatcat · 13/03/2026 16:27

.

OhBettyCalmDown · 13/03/2026 16:27

OP you sound incredibly bitter about this. You’re talking all of her differences as a personal attack.

Im someone who doesn’t want a huge fuss on Mother’s Day and also doesn’t give a shit if my DH watches porn. I don’t say these things to impress other people or seem cool because generally speaking i don’t talk to anyone about either subject. It’s just simply my opinion.

I think it’s a bit odd that she gets her child to call her by her own name but each to their own. With the examples you’ve given this sounds like more of a you problem. You seem quite intolerant of other people’s life choices.

Catcatcatcatcat · 13/03/2026 16:28

You sound jealous and judgy.

Just limit contact with her if her happy life upsets you so much.

Boomer55 · 13/03/2026 16:29

I can’t see the problem. A lot of us find MD to be cringey, expensive, and performative.

Bring a parent is normal - I don’t need it recognised. But, my adult kids do anyway..,,😉

skippy67 · 13/03/2026 16:30

Muffinmam · 13/03/2026 16:25

I don’t think the sister in law is pathetic at all 😒

Me either! The OP said she can't stop thinking about how pathetic her sIL is, so I suggested she get a hobby...

Thereissnowinmywellies · 13/03/2026 16:30

Drivingmissrangey · 13/03/2026 14:46

I’d say you’re the one with the bigger issues OP. You sound incredibly judgmental.

I had multiple c sections[ large family] didn't breast feed any of mine wasn't able to it was no big deal and have never celebrate mothers day. So what's the problem OP just because some people think some things are cringy or their not interested in? We're all different, I hate Strictly and reality programmes, doesn't mean I think I'm edgy for kicking back against the norm. Just don't like them.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 13/03/2026 16:30

Tableforjoan · 13/03/2026 14:56

Sounds like you rather judgy of her.

So what if she was too posh to push and picked the best hospital for her birth.

So what if she personally finds breastfeeding weird. They are her boobs.

She doesn’t celebrate Mother’s Day. Oh well you’re the one who asked and she explained.

She had an easy baby and recovery? Great love that for her. It’s nice when people don’t struggle.

These are all your issues with her rather than her doing anything wrong.

Edited

^ This ^

Knittedfairies2 · 13/03/2026 16:31

Just ignore her, and stop giving her headspace.

ponyinmypocket · 13/03/2026 16:31

Everyone I know like this has/had PND.

Of course there are people who just do things differently, but I find they don't rub people up the wrong way as it's clearly just who they are.

NotAnotherChickenNugget · 13/03/2026 16:32

My Dsis can be like this and feels like we’re still in high school sometimes but I know deep down she’s actually very insecure so goes to the extreme to show how laid back and “cool” she is. I’ve found it difficult over the years as she will make passive aggressive comments like your SIL but ultimately try to ignore.

Sassylovesbooks · 13/03/2026 16:32

Essentially you are two different people with different opinions. That's OK. There's no law saying we have to all be the same. Perhaps her son has been an easy child, and she simply hasn't experienced the same as you (or a lot of us!). The only thing I find odd is not liking being called Mum or Mummy and preferring her own child calls her by her first name.

I don't think she's trying to deliberately goad you (or any other woman). She has just experienced things differently and has a different view point.

You're not wrong in your opinions, but neither is she. I'd take a step back. Stop viewing every word out of her mouth as a personal slight against you.

godmum56 · 13/03/2026 16:33

2O26 · 13/03/2026 16:16

Your SIL is extremely sanctimonious. She thinks she's above you pions (aka normal mothers). She must be exhausting to be around. OP, not sure why so many posters are jumping on you.

Sounds like she is uncomfortable being a mother. She has to tell the world that nothing has changed for her -she's still exactly the same person she was before she became a mother. "Methinks, the lady doth protest too much". My advice, ignore her. She is to be pitied.

Edited

what is a "pion"?

shortsaint · 13/03/2026 16:34

I was a bit like this. It was because I still wanted to be me and not simply defined as a mother. I also found the baby bit quite easy (later not so much!)

We’re all different.

BlonderThanYou · 13/03/2026 16:35

I think you sound very judgy, she wants to do parenting her own way (like we all do) and that’s fine. The way you parent is totally unique to you and the way she parents is totally unique to her.. Stop seeing everything she does as a judgement on you. Just accept you do things differently because you're different people

Bloozie · 13/03/2026 16:35

You both sound as bad as each other. She's insufferably smug, you're really insecure and take everything personally.