AIBU to feel hurt I’m excluded from partner’s friend group?

[Oldknowe]

So I had thought I got on ok with my partner's friends... I don't go out very often as I have the kids, but I am in their pub group chat.

I noticed it had been pretty quiet on the normally busy chat and mentioned it to my partner.

He said they had set up a new 'blokes only' chat, I wouldn't be able to join... oh well...

The thing is a month later I've found it's not; female partners of some of the others have been added, plus a newly single flirty woman.

(This woman has previously posted a picture of herself and my partner with a caption like "she thinks she's dreaming but knows when she wakes it will still be true that she's found love!" on Instagram.)

Ok so I'm pissed off, it feels awful to be excluded but what can I do.

But now a friend is getting married, there's going to be "an amazing evening reception, with 500 people attending" - all of the friend group are involved, my partner is helping with the set-up of part of it using equipment from our house.

I've just found out I'm not invited.

I feel really bad inside. Desperately low.
What is wrong with me?

I would like to add something from a man's point of view. I would not even consider going to a big event like this if my wife wasn't invited. As for somebody calling her a bigot because she believes a woman can't have a penis then I would have told them to get stuffed and find someone else to do your disco! My wife comes FIRST, end of! My friends are just My friends, if I had to choose then it would be easy... I'd prefer to stay in every night with her than lose her.
On another note, if a woman unknown to my wife wanted to pose fir a picture with me kissing my cheek the answer would be 'no thanks'
OP you deserve more respect from your husband

Thank you everyone. I've been really struggling with this and am feeling very low.
I woke up this morning with the realisation that I'm the partner, I'm not a bloody 'plus one' anyway, even calling me that is an insult! Thank you to the poster early on the thread who pointed this out, it's taken a bit of time to register.

No, it really doesn't!

I think you mean @gannett

Suckered into the all-round batshitness of AIBU. Also heartened that while the transphobia is very loud and depressing, plenty of MNers are also obviously completely sick of it.

I'll be jiggered if it doesn't.

@NeelyOHaravery odd and some of us are none of those things so quite stereotypical.

Is t it odd how the definition of woman triggers so many people. Almost like they know the reality!

Well I've been speaking to my partner some more...
He says bridezilla told him that if she ever sees me wearing the T-shirt again in the street she's going to punch me in the face!
I'm horrified, this has gone way out of the realm of anything I'd imagined, over a T-shirt and not agreeing. I'm horrified he hasn't told me.
I'm so, so glad I didn't take my son to her house after Christmas. I cannot understand why she spoke to me then at all, or invited me over?!
My partner and I have the same views yet he's treated well by her and I'm threatened and excluded!

If this was my partner and he still went on to help at the wedding after the bride’s threat to me, then I would seriously be considering ending the relationship.

Me too, OP he has heard all this aggression and hatred towards you and is having a lovely time choosing a nice pile of records to ensure she has a lovely wedding 😵‍💫.

I'm so, so glad I didn't take my son to her house after Christmas

Sorry but I’ve lost track of the timings - you wearing the T-shirt, her inviting you and your son over, organising the wedding - which order are they in?

So I think it was last spring I would have been wearing the T-shirt. Then at Christmas she invited me and my son over. I found out I wasn't invited to the wedding this weekend.

So, why doesn't your partner have your back?

Good question. Utter laziness and avoiding issues is as far as I can fathom it atm.

He's weak.

All this is coming from your partner. Are you absolutely sure it’s all true? Are you excluded from the chat vs a new one started for some reason and he said ‘Don't add Oldknowe, she doesn’t like it’, she didn’t invite you to the wedding as ‘she’s busy that weekend and can’t come’?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's telling me the truth, though it's quite chilling to consider it all from another angle.

When did she say this to him? Was it last spring after seeing you, or more recently?

None of this really adds up, or at least not in the order you’re saying it happened.

And if it did happen in this order then your DH doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

I can’t get away from thinking he is the common denominator in this strangeness.

Yes, last spring I believe though we can't remember when exactly.

I can't believe your husband is still friends with someone who said they would punch you in the face.

Me neither.

This is awful OP. I would expect my husband to stand up to anyone who made threats against me. It speaks volumes that your DH isn’t sticking up for you.