AIBU to feel hurt I’m excluded from partner’s friend group?

[Oldknowe]

So I had thought I got on ok with my partner's friends... I don't go out very often as I have the kids, but I am in their pub group chat.

I noticed it had been pretty quiet on the normally busy chat and mentioned it to my partner.

He said they had set up a new 'blokes only' chat, I wouldn't be able to join... oh well...

The thing is a month later I've found it's not; female partners of some of the others have been added, plus a newly single flirty woman.

(This woman has previously posted a picture of herself and my partner with a caption like "she thinks she's dreaming but knows when she wakes it will still be true that she's found love!" on Instagram.)

Ok so I'm pissed off, it feels awful to be excluded but what can I do.

But now a friend is getting married, there's going to be "an amazing evening reception, with 500 people attending" - all of the friend group are involved, my partner is helping with the set-up of part of it using equipment from our house.

I've just found out I'm not invited.

I feel really bad inside. Desperately low.
What is wrong with me?

What's a space fir bigot?

Oh, come on. If 'woman' doesn't mean adult human female, what does it mean?
What about 'mare', 'hen', 'ewe' and 'doe', can you define them too, please?

I got Designer to make one ...

Really, this is irrelevant. The t-shirt is marketed to 'gender critical' women, and worn by them. Anyone who supports trans friends or family will know that. And yeah, if an acquaintance of mine wore it, they wouldn't be invited to socialise with people who they deem to not exist.

apparently a while ago the bride-to-be spotted me in the street wearing a women’s rights T-shirt.

How on earth are @SarzWix and @TheCheekyCyanHelper getting from this ^^ that she is transphobic or a TERF? Isn't that a bit of a stretch?

She simply stated it was a women's rights T-shirt.

OP confirmed which t-shirt it was in another post.

Yes I am a Terf, I'm proud of standing up for women's rights and now I know that this woman is a homophobe and misogynist and is supporting putting women and children at risk.
She's also been incredibly rude to me - over-friendly to my face but happy to call me a bigot and other nasty names to my partner and to many other people behind my back! Not someone I really want to know now, or go to her wedding party. So that solves one problem. Her poor husband-to-be.

Where does it say that the T-shirt was anti trans?

I have looked at every one of the OP's posts, and excluding the last one, which appeared after my last one questioning this, there is nothing.

Has a post been removed?

I imagine this changes how most people would have voted in the poll. me included. Whilst you are free to think whatever you want (however abhorrent) the minute others know about your views they are likely to react to them.
Your hate is why you have been excluded from the group. If you didn’t deny the existence of a group of people then you would’ve treated differently to how you have been treated.

Standing up for women's rights isn't hate.

TERF is a term trans rights activists use to try and shut down debate - but it means Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist. And the Trans we exclude are the male ones. Men. No one is denying the existence of them, don't be so ridiculous. How could we, we're constantly bombarded with slogans about how they're the most targeted, downtrodden, vulnerable group of people in the world, despite all evidence to the contrary.

If you have a problem that Woman means Adult Human Female, then fine. But words mean things.

There are a few posts, I don't think they've been removed. OP was wearing a t-shirt from an organisation called 'Let Women Speak'. Have a read about them and decide for yourself what you think. I think it's batshit that an organisation claiming to fight for women's rights puts so much effort into opposing a single minority community and apparently calls anyone who disagrees a homophobe and a misogynist (see OP's note above). Meanwhile, most women don't feel safe walking down the street and it's not trans men or women that are responsible for that fear.

@PlainSailingWeather the OP is entitled to her opinion and to wear what she likes. I would like to feel safe both in the street and in the toilet I been assigned to from birth- as is my legal right.

@Oldknowesounds like you had a lucky escape. I second the ‘find your tribe’ post though!

I never said OP wasn't entitled to an opinion. I said the organisation that designed those t-shirts was batshit and I'm entitled to my opinion too.

There are conversations needed about how we share public spaces and how we keep everyone safe. You don't need to be extreme to do that, you can try and keep everyone safe regardless of their identity.

I have used the See All function and cannot see anywhere in the OP's posts that it was a TERF T-shirt. Where is this post of the OP's that says it is? Has it been deleted?

It was an adult human female tshirt. So despite the op having been with the grooms good friend her dh for 20 years, brought up their kids, facilitated him to spend many evenings out with these people while they also cut her out of the chat group, they have decided based on one tshirt that she is an irremediably horrible person who everyone else they know needs to be protected from and also they feel entitled to request significant favors from her dh at their wedding that they’ve excluded her from. Is it no dc at the wedding or is it jsut no tainted dc of people like the op. What pathetic judgy fuckers they are and people like this are part of the reason why the world is going to the dogs. People who cannot see beyond black and white, people who write someone completely off to the extent they will massively disrupt their community and treat their own friends badly ie the ops dh, and based on one tshirt seen once every other interaction becomes irrelevant. Is bad. Must be removed. Cannot be allowed to taint our lives. Total fucking hypocrites when it’s their behaviour here that preaches and lives intolerance and hate but also please do us huge favours.

Just scroll up a few posts and you'll see the OP confirming the t-shirt, and their views. Which as others have said, they are entitled to. What they aren't entitled to is to assume those views are acceptable to others 🤷🏼‍♀️ As I said previously, I would not invite a person with those prejudices to an event that trans people I care about are attending. I would be a lot more blunt about why they weren't being invited though.

This is exactly why anyone wearing a TERF T-shirt would be uninvited from my wedding (and my life overall).

Those are some of my dearest friends you're talking about and I will not risk exposing them to this kind of shit at my event.

That was after I queried it.

I don't have a strong opinion on this but I was curious to understand why it was assumed it was a TERF T-shirt when it wasn't mentioned at all by the OP at that point.

Someone else said 'Was it an Adult Human Female' t-shirt, and the OP said 'Yes that shirt'. (I'm paraphrasing, but I can't be bothered combing the thread for the actual posts)

Please feel free to contact MNHQ and have your vote in the poll removed then.
I'm not the one excluding people, for wearing T-shirts, calling them horrible names, trying to smear them to others or trying to force people to believe by threats and ostracism.

I must be missing something here. What is the issue with an adult human female T-shirt?

Did it have something offensive written on it?

I had a For Women Scotland badge pinned to it, who knows how much offense that caused.

Good on you OP.

FWIW keep wearing your badge, keep fighting for women’s rights here in Scotland and ditch the folk who disagree.

Love this! Well done @Oldknowe

be glad you don’t have to be with them for a whole day