AIBU to want to tell colleague’s wife about his workplace affair?

[Berrylipshade]

Name changed for this.
I’m watching an affair play out in work. Been going on for a long time. Everyone knows. Not at all discreet. Today it was bad, cuddling, neck stroking, hands in hair, in plain sight of a few of us, and leaving for “lunch” together.
He is a horrible arrogant man. His poor wife & young kids.
I hear him telling clients about his wife and comes across as so devoted. He’s a pig.
The one he’s shagging is single, but an obnoxious flirt. The whole thing just makes me so annoyed.
i wish I could not care.
but i keep plotting to leak this to his wife.
is that wrong?

Thanks all…
maybe tomorrow I will wake up and just not be so angry about it. I don’t know why I’m this bothered. But today I’d just had enough of it.
ill sleep on it.

My ex had two workplace affairs. I would very much have welcomed being told.

This

@Berrylipshade Id normally say stay out of it but if he is rubbing it in people's faces then I'd feel so sorry for his wife and let her know.

Or maybe she already knows???

This reminds me of that Coldplay couple. They were openly having an affair colleagues knew. Just like that couple were outed these two will be as well. But if I was the wife I would want to know. She will feel a right fool if she finds out his colleagues knew and never told her.

Same happened at a place I worked. They sound exactly the same type aswell.
he went on holiday with his wife, when they got home somebody had posted printed copies of many/all of their horrid email exchanges through their letter box addressed to his lovely wife.
he vanished from the company.

Same thing happened at my old work, they were caught and reported to HR. But of course, because he was more senior and a man, she was asked to leave! Even though she was single and he was married. So don’t predict how it will all pan out.

Talk to them, at least they might stop the public displays.

Tell her if you can. Preferably anonymously. She deserves to know. It’s awful to be the wife and realise that everyone at his work knows and no one respected you enough to tell you.

I did this in my workplace a year or so ago, married manager having an affair. I anonymously told his wife via messenger, she asked for proof but I had none really, I just told her what they do and that they go on lunches together. No idea if she believed me or just didn't want to, either way the affair carried on and he's still married.

Maybe it was a shitty thing to do I don't know, but he's the one having the affair. I'd like to think she's still lining up the ducks though, I do hope so

But as far as I can see on here, not one woman who was being cheated on says they're glad no one ever told them

I would hate this. Their openness would make me complicit. I could not stand by and watch, without action. Yes the wife might be happy with an open relationship, she can do nothing if she is.

This is why men continue to get away with bad behaviour because no one does anything about it

Bastard!

You need to make sure you tell his wife for the right reasons and not because you dislike him and want to get one up on him

He could probably have you charged with harassment if he found out it was you be very careful
It’s usually the messenger that gets shot

Then she’s left wondering who would send that and therefore who knew about it, whether her family and friends know etc. That’s going to make her paranoid on top of everything else. Anonymous notes are disturbing and cowardly.

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” – Edmund Burke
Evil thrives not because of monsters, but because good people remain silent. Burke’s timeless warning urges us to act, to speak, and to resist passivity when injustice appears.
#EdmundBurke #DoSomething #SpeakUp #ResistEvil #MoralResponsibility #EthicsMatter

If you told this man's wife, even anonymously, is there any chance he could find out it was you?

From your update, it's pointless speaking to HR or anyone senior.

If there's zero chance that telling this man's wife could be traced back to you, then you should tell her.

If there's even a vague possibility that you could be found out, then I would stay out of it completely.

It's grim behaviour but it appears he has previous for being a cheating rat, so it's probably not a surprise he's at it again. Sadly, the more times he 'gets away' with it, the bolder and frequency of these affair will happen. What I will say is, eventually he will become too complacent and become cocky and sloppy...his wife will find out herself.

Might add i have little no patience for this bullshit. If they wanted it to be discreet then why the hell are parading in front of everyone. Actions have consequences. And this it!

Somehow let her know so she has a chance not to waste more of her life being attached to this creep 💯%

Please let her know. She deserves to find happiness with someone decent one day.

I understand why you've had enough , i witnessed an affair in my workplace many years ago ,there were moments when they didn't seem to care how awkward they made us feel and we all knew their spouses too.
It blew up ,there was an anonymous communication and hell was let loose.
I was very young at the time but if i was in that position again i would let their partners know if i could get away with it .

I mean I would only do it if I could do it anonymously, or if I couldn’t I’d only do it if I was leaving the job. I understand how you feel though it would enrage me as well.

I'm another one voting tell her...

It’s hardly evil or unjust! It may be unpleasant but that’s a tad extreme 😊