Funeral directors share our private road - AIBU about what I saw yesterday?

[Habbyhadno]

This is such a random post but…

I live at the top of a private road just off a main road in a small town. At the main road end we have a funeral directors that faces the street, the building is tiny and it’s a branch of another directors in a neighbouring town where the directors is very much a shop front.

I thought this one would be the same, but they do seem to store bodies in there. We’ve had a fair few hearses park on our road as we turn into it (at the side of the shop), I literally have to squeeze my car up the road as obviously hearses take up a lot of space and the road isn’t wide at all, it’s a bit of an inconvenience but whatever.

However, last night me and my three kids 6,8 and 12 were heading out and we were all walking down the road and I spy a private ambulance with the back door open and clearly two bodies were in black bags in the back of the van.

There were two people out there about to start manoeuvring the bodies into the building, but I’m a bit icked out by it all, I don’t really think the kids need to see that and I felt a bit weird about seeing it (there’s not any other way we could have gone as the road is small and there was no getting away from it).

Do you think I should pop in and speak to them about being aware of who is around when they are unloading bodies or AIBU? I just feel like they could make the operation a bit more concealed rather than hoiking them out literally in the street, it seems a bit disrespectful and it’s been playing on my mind. What do I do?

My grandad died in the bath (massive heart attack). Undertakers struggled to get him out, assumed some hoiking and my DF who had arrived to support my gran had to help them get the body out of the bath 😔

But the undertakers, the side of whose premises occupy space on the road, and who have two parking spaces on it that the OP thinks they bought from neighbours who own houses on the road, presumably have access rights (and possibly are liable for maintenance like all people with houses on private roads).

So what can the council do then?

You know that’s voluntary not compulsory to be a member of these establishments.

good to be part of it but not all join

See, you talk about expecting them to be 'more discreet' but havent actually said how you expect them to achieve that in those circumstances?

What time was this actually at?

I think youre being very unreasonable. Its a funeral director, they deal with death and dying every day. To expect that to never occasionally be apparent is naive.

Yes, exactly. So they are entitled to run their business as they are and all claims of "but it's undignified, doing it in a public place" are unjustified.

I think you and I are on the same team, you've possibly just misinterpreted my meaning.

Cardboard coffins aren't cheap and they need a lot of strengthening so that they can withstand the weight of a body. They aren't as environmentally friendly as people think.

Trying to figure out ways to resolve the situation
cardboard coffin is ok for transportation and can be reused- you are not burying it every time it would be more discreet than the current situation
are you looking for suggestions on how to resolve this or just having a whinge?

A cardboard coffin would also absorb any body fluids from the person who is deceased, and there are plenty of those. Probably not so reusable and not very environmentally friendly if that coffin doesn't go all the way through the process for the person.

Yes, they are as discreet as possible, but while you were in the back room there could have been anyone passing by. That’s who I meant by ‘anyone who lives there’, anyone who lives nearby who couldn’t be kept away by for example closing the road for a few minutes or other such measures.

Death is rarely discreet. Funeral directors do their best. What is so bad about seeing a body bag?

My dad died a month ago. Dropped down dead in front of a kid's play park. People doing CRP right there and then.

Just to clarify for anyone who hasn’t read my previous post, I’m saying they are as discreet as they can be but it’s precious to think that the general public can or should be shielded from sometimes seeing these sorts of things.

Really sorry about your df, that sounds awful .

You must be able to see a difference between an emergency, unpredictable situation and a service actually choosing to do something in full view of the public without using screens?

A body in a bag visible to the public just doesn't demonstrate respect or dignity, 2 things that should be the cornerstone of any funeral director.

I really can’t see how it is undignified for the dead person. The body cannot be seen. The bag isn’t transparent. No one walking past knows whose body is inside the bag.

@Gloriia A body in a bag visible to the public just doesn't demonstrate respect or dignity

Why so though? I wouldn’t say that’s disrespectful or undignified as long as the bag is being treated respectfully (not being thrown around or dragged along fir instance), but just being able to be seen in a bag is not disrespectful in and of itself surely.

The OP saw body bags in the back of a vehicle. She didn't see any hoiking or any moving of these body bags. Only by putting two and two together did she know the bags contained bodies.If they'd been in the back of a white van outside a builders' yard they could have contained enamel baths. If the OP and her children had gawped and dawdled (which they didn't) then the moving of the bags would have been put on hold until they'd buggered off.

Then their premises are not fit for purpose.

There are regulations around health and safety and the like, and professional bodies funeral directors can sign up with on a voluntary basis, but nothing specific to ensure insoections, formal registrations or anything else

commonslibrary.parliament.uk/research-briefings/cbp-10475/

Yes, me too.

People die. As long as they were being respectful why is it an issue? They have to go somewhere. They have to unload them from the ambulance into the building somehow. Are they meant to just teleport them?

Thank you for saying this. I was shocked people were suggesting they reuse cardboard coffins!!! Bodies are juicy!

I had the same experience where I used to live - and it was inappropriate imo especially as local school children were passing by. Consider contacting your local councillor to complain. Take no notice of the people saying it wouldn't bother them because it definitely WOULD especially if it was in front of their children.

Most funeral directors do not off load black bags with bodies where children are present - how would you like your children seeing dead bodies in (what look like) long bin bags?

Coffins in limos are pretty respectful - a totally different thing than bodies in long black bags being shifted off a transit van.

You SHARE a road with a funeral director. What did you think they were going to use the road for ?