Finances- why 50/50?

[Boxingshibes]

I know im lucky but I read so many threads about having to split everything 50/50 even when on maternity leave. I genuinely don't understand.
Why us it not 'our' or family money as you are a family?
When is got married 20 odd years ago i had a just above minimum wage as id lived abroad for years. Dh had a good job ( not mn good but around £40k)
I worked and also it was enough to support us, me and 2 children. I went back to work and we got a nanny as it was cheaper than nursery.
Now im the sole earner as dh is now medically retired. I'm on £70k but all our money is ours? I do pay for everything but it's not a problem as we are a family?

I read so many threads where people are using their savings/ going into debts just to pay 50/50. Why?

Barring abusive relationships, why?

I think it is abusing to insist on paying 50% of household costs when on mat leave. We just pool all our money and we aren’t even married.

I have no idea. When I read posts from women who are expected to cover their share of household costs from savings while they are on maternity leave, I get the rage 😡

God knows why women agree to the 50/50 on maternity leave, it’s a total mug move and makes no sense. I would only agree if l was paid the going rate the for 24/7 childcare on maternity leave

I agree. It must be exhausting to be analysing and arguing over every financial detail!

I’m on my fourth mat leave and no way am I paying 50/50. DH wage is covering our expenses same as usual. I only work part time anyway and my pay on mat leave isn’t that different to my normal salary. I don’t understand how anyone thinks it’s fair or reasonable to expect 50/50 contributions.

Where both people earn a similar amount and that amount is needed to cover living costs I can understand the need to save up to cover the shortfall in maternity leave. But for that to fall solely to the woman is completely unfair.

It was always “our” money even before we married, even though I was a single parent!!

Well obviously it’s abusive in your mat leave scenario. But there are cases where couples need to split their money as one of them will piss it all up the wall on crap. Two examples I’ve seen this week is where one wife has had a payout due to severe medical negligence, and another had a gift from a relative after the wife solely paid a lot of money for the whole family to visit her and the relative kindly wanted to reimburse their travel costs. In both cases the wives wanted the money to be put to one side for childrens uni fees/savings/pensions etc. And the husbands decided they were being unfair and wanted to spend a chunk of the money on unnecessary bollocks

We have separate finances because it works for us. It's that simple really.

People meet later in life now so may come into the relationship with a house and savings that were acquired way before meeting.

We are the same as you op, everything is put together, we don’t even have to have any conversations about money.

Massively offensive. As if we had a choice!
Yes I had to use savings as my ex wouldn’t increase his joint account contributions whilst on maternity leave. The alternative would have been the bills didn’t get paid and we wouldn’t eat.
Theres no agreeing to it when a man refuses to pay. He could happily spend £10k on his hobby though so obviously I divorced him.
But your judgement is incredibly insulting.

Because it's become easier to have a child with someone than share finances or get married

And if they do that financial pressure is still at the fore.
Like you op but to a smaller degree DH had more money behind him when we met but he's on ok not amazing salary and then I went back to work and had inheritance very small but it's what's making things slightly easier for us and has given us a small cushion.
I can understand people getting more cautious on second or third marriages with different children.

I was significantly the main earner, I earned more than double my ex. He didn’t earn enough to cover the bills, he could barely cover 1/3 of it.

It very much depends on earnings and outgoings. I had to use £20k of savings to cover mat leave but I knew that when I chose to have a child.

Because a significant amount of women on here are in shitty relationships and for whatever reason whether its desperation or low self esteem they just accept it

Im not thinking about 2/3 long relationships where you both want to protect your things. But as a new couple with children no step children why?
I know im lucky now ( I've been in abusive relationships) but I get so angry when I see so many women who have a dh/dp who insists on 50/50 on maternity or part-time who are doing everything!
Its so wrong especially as the men who insist on 50/50 don't do the 50/50 at home. They expect the money but don't do any housework!!!

and many of those shitty relationships also include shared finances. Not all relationships with separate finances are shitty, just like not all relationships with shared finances are good.

Likewise, I don't agree with one partner not working and just living off the other's earnings permanently. Married or otherwise - it's lazy.

Expecting your partner to pay 50% of everything when on maternity leave is shitty. Why would you try to defend any man doing that

I always always wonder this too. Ours is most certainly family money. Like, if I came into some money we would have a discussion about what WE would do with it, likewise if my DG came into some money. We are a partnership

@youalright Where did she say anything about whilst on mat leave? I agree @SouthLondonMum22. I'm married but chose not to share bank accounts. We both work.

Why would anyone agree to that or have a baby with someone like that is beyond me. Unless it was like a one night stand or something.

We pool all money into the joint account, and have joint savings.

We both have existing funds that we had separately when we met. They stay separate, personally I don’t touch mine as it’s my sensible safety net.

I earn almost double, and have absolutely no issue with more of “my” money making up our family funds.

I only feel that way however because we both work full time, and both share all household responsibility. I would be significantly more bothered if either of those things weren’t the case.

Or i cant go back to work as ALL MY wages Will go on nursery fees. No, it should be split.

I dont know if I would pool all my money amd spend whatever as been single so long but both partners should have the same disposable income in a family set up.

It's only shitty if that isn't what was agreed.

OP also isn't talking about maternity leave only.

I’m with you 100%, op.

However if I were ever to end up with another chap (say I’ve been widowed) then I would keep things separate. I would still myself as being a unit financially with DH and want to protect his interests (for example, by keeping our family money for our family).