Finances- why 50/50?

[Boxingshibes]

I know im lucky but I read so many threads about having to split everything 50/50 even when on maternity leave. I genuinely don't understand.
Why us it not 'our' or family money as you are a family?
When is got married 20 odd years ago i had a just above minimum wage as id lived abroad for years. Dh had a good job ( not mn good but around £40k)
I worked and also it was enough to support us, me and 2 children. I went back to work and we got a nanny as it was cheaper than nursery.
Now im the sole earner as dh is now medically retired. I'm on £70k but all our money is ours? I do pay for everything but it's not a problem as we are a family?

I read so many threads where people are using their savings/ going into debts just to pay 50/50. Why?

Barring abusive relationships, why?

Do women still ‘run the home’? I’m not sure that’s true. Maybe in some cases but it’s definitely a lot less common.

I think people contribute in different ways. DP is excellent with DIY so takes care of all that stuff that I don’t need to worry about.

We do 50/50, I earn more and we do equal amounts of housework. Am I abusing DP?

@MidnightMeltdown I imagine if they are a SAHM/housewife and their husband is the only one earning then yes, the expectation (quite rightly) is that in the main they do "run the home." That's kind of their job.

I agree. I wouldn’t want to have to downgrade my life in order to prop up a partner who earned significantly less. They could take on more hours or more responsibility if they wanted more spending money. Mind you, I wouldn’t probably be reluctant to date someone who earned a significantly lower salary.

@MidnightMeltdown So ideally you'd be looking for someone who earns similar to you?

That’s an entirely different situation though if one partner doesn’t go back to work at all. Fine if the man wants to support a housewife, but lots of men resent this.

@MidnightMeltdown It's what a lot of women want though? To never go back to work after children.

Ultimately, couples will decide what's best for them, but it seems unfair if one partner gets unfairly penalised financially.
If a woman takes maternity leave* and takes time out for childcare, it seems unfair that she loses out financially on what is a joint decision.
*please note I am referring to maternity leaves where the woman loses pay, not where her income remains the same.

Yes, if I was looking to date someone new, I would ideally be looking for someone in a similar salary level as I think it makes for a more equal relationship. Obviously there can be ups and downs over the years, but I would prefer to start off on a more equal footing.

I’m on mat leave now. I was the higher earner and unfortunately sometimes the partners wage won’t cover it all- simple as that. That said, we knew we were trying for a baby so we were putting an amount per month into an account ready for when my pay went down to statutory so that we knew we had the top up to pay the bills just the same as we always did. But there really is no his and mine, I pay a little more because I earn more, but shopping, treats, meals whatever it’s just whoever pays. Works for us!

I’m sure a lot of people, of all genders, would prefer to never work again! Doesn’t mean they get to unilaterally decide someone else has to pay for it

@BlatchFord I couldn't agree more. Although even if I won the jackpot I would still want to go out and provide for my family - I take a great sense of pride in that.

Me too! I love going out to work and enjoy my job. When our first was born I took a short maternity leave, and my DH gave up work and stayed at home with the baby. It worked for us.

@OlympicWomen Love this! One of my best friends (male) is doing exactly the same when his wife returns to her career after mat leave.
Why doesn't it happen more often?

I don't know. This was more than 30 years ago
My DH didn't like his job, I loved mine. He resigned, and did the housework, cooking and childcare for 5 years. He loved it. Happy family!

The only time you should.be 5050 is if you have no children and you do 5050 housework.
If you have kids then the person sacrificing their career should be being paid. If one of you comes home to a cooked meal. Gets in a clean bed, gets up to magically everlasting shower gel, puts on clean clothes without ever thinking about it, you should be contributing more to the household.

If one of you has moved away from your own career or family to support the other person's career then you should be paid for it.

In our fsmily. Our money is our money, we're a team, but we trust wachother to be acting like a team mate. Not everyone can trust that their partner won't spend everything they can get their hands on on themself.

But no woman on maternity leave should be skint while the father of the child is unaffected.

This doesn’t make sense. If you win the lottery — I assume we’re talking multi millions — then your family are already provided for financially. Earning more doesn’t make a meaningful difference to the money or lifestyle available, everything that’s needed is already more than covered. In that case any kids would benefit far more by additional time and energy from their parents, surely? Wanting to continue working because you have personal ambition or enjoy it is fair enough but it can’t be about financial provision in that scenario.

Good for you.

each to their own I say.

@UraniumFlowerpot If I won the lottery it wouldn't be for financial reasons but that is not the only reason I work. I would be lost without my career as it gives me a huge amount of personal satisfaction and purpose and I have worked hard to be where I am today.
At the same time my 5 yo has me a lot so win-win ❤️

Wait wait wait why would you celebrate a man giving up work to care for kids but you’re so dismissive of women who do? This comment has really surprised me, given everything else you’ve said previously.

It’s disgusting

@UraniumFlowerpot Oh he's not giving up work permanently. He is working around the baby until she is school-age. Respect.

Ok, your previous posts have seemed dismissive of women doing the same (or going part time or switching to a less demanding career or whatever). Perhaps your ire is very specifically directed to someone who declares they will never earn money again. To me, at least, it has come across more that you despise any choice that trades off potential earnings for childcare or family balance. Especially if that choice is made by a woman.

Maternity leave aside, I don’t understand why it’s 50/50 anyway. Ours has always been joint but in the extremely unlikely scenario it wasn’t I would agree to 50% of each wage.
with 50/50 imagine the scenario of all bills come to £30k p.a. One person on £50k puts in £15k, the other on £15k (part time due to childcare) puts in… ah, all their salary! Whereas with 50% of salary, £50k puts £25k in the pot, £15k puts in £7.5k.

I simply do not understand why anyone would agree to 50/50!!!

@UraniumFlowerpot Well you are correct in thinking that I don't have much time for women who give up all paid work permanently once they have children, yes. Same applies to men although of course this happens far less often.