Finances- why 50/50?

[Boxingshibes]

I know im lucky but I read so many threads about having to split everything 50/50 even when on maternity leave. I genuinely don't understand.
Why us it not 'our' or family money as you are a family?
When is got married 20 odd years ago i had a just above minimum wage as id lived abroad for years. Dh had a good job ( not mn good but around £40k)
I worked and also it was enough to support us, me and 2 children. I went back to work and we got a nanny as it was cheaper than nursery.
Now im the sole earner as dh is now medically retired. I'm on £70k but all our money is ours? I do pay for everything but it's not a problem as we are a family?

I read so many threads where people are using their savings/ going into debts just to pay 50/50. Why?

Barring abusive relationships, why?

@SleeplessInWherever Absolutely! Laughing at the thought of saying to my husband: "Yes I'll have a much-wanted and planned baby with you (your first and last btw), but I expect some money in return." Blimey! It would make me sound like some sort of prostitute!!

It’s not something I’ve done and never would but from colleagues and friends it’s a common theme I’ve noticed.
Half of the woman are the higher earners therefore have more savings / better mat pay so earnings doesn’t change. The other half is where DH/DP literally can’t afford to cover all expenses for a few months. Poor salaries? Poor financial choices ? Who knows.

I didn't have to feed or even wake up at all when DH was doing his share of feeding.

@Youshouldbestrongerthanme

It’s all a bit “rent a womb” for me.

I have birthed the child, here is your bill. Does the bill change if the labour is more difficult than expected? Do pregnancy complications come at a premium?

My best friend’s newborn is currently cluster feeding so she’s essentially permanently attached - £500 a day?

@SouthLondonMum22 Better still, neither of us had to wake when I was breastfeeding. As bedsharers from birth she just latched on.

Why would I want special treatment? Having DC isn't a requirement, it is something I wanted to do. I'm not sure why I deserve special treatment for making a choice.

We never bedshared and never wanted to. Sounds like breastfeeding worked wonderfully for you as bottle feeding worked wonderfully for me.

You’ve been very lucky in that case, physically and mentally.

Assuming you believe in gender equality, why do you think there should be no compensation for women going through pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding, other than maternity pay to cover their physical absence from work during that period?

Do you know the statistics on birth injuries? On mental health for mothers versus fathers after birth? Of the ongoing impacts on earning potential?

In terms of research, there are literally hundreds of data points available on this, it’s a growing area of study.

Here’s one:

journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0146167219829174?__cf_chl_tk=jLqPoH5cuNq8qI4FdSV6sgmsXvdLtXKwsZY2NoJtBsY-1773353315-1.0.1.1-zLhwQViOsUWny7RcrRtgsP9RIkKY9W4u5IgSxhJu7q4 you believe they exact no excess toll on the mother?

@SouthLondonMum22 Indeed. If I'd have chosen to bottle feed (which i never would have done but I respect it's personal choice) it simply would not have been logistically possible for both my DH and I to stay in bed throughout the entire night. A massive advantage for us (plus many more of course).

@OhMargaret What sort of "compensation" do you propose and who pays it?!!!

We’ve always been 50/50 for everything. We’ve earned different amounts at different times, and now I’m earning double what my husband earns (although he’s soon to get a new job which will put us closer to even). I’m due to go on maternity leave soon and we’ll continue to split everything 50/50 because we can - I get a great package with work so I won’t really notice the less income by the time I go down to it. We have separate savings too.

It’s just the way we’ve always done things, we’ve never considered another way. I like it because I spend my money very differently to him. I earn my own money and I spend it how I like. Equally I don’t dictate how he spends his. It works for us. To be honest I couldn’t care less what other people do, as long as both partners are happy.

We did stay in bed. Just had a perfect prep in the bedroom for night feeds.

@OhMargaret

I’m not sure who you’re referring to at this point.

However… the compensation, outside of the financial elements mentioned, is the baby. Men paying us for having their children is a dangerous road to go down, and skates far too closely to some sort of weird womb ownership situation.

Having children is optional. “Going through” labour isn’t compulsory, nobody makes us do it. It is a choice, that you either make or don’t.

The impact on earning potential - also optional. There is no law saying mothers must work part time, or leave the workforce, or take a lesser paid job. Which is why many of us - don’t do that.

Any in balance in responsibility for the children - optional. No law saying you must breast feed, you must be default parent, you must manage all things child and home related.

You cannot demand compensation for a series of choices that you have made about your life.

@SouthLondonMum22 Which you have to get up to operate!

Not if it is next to your bed.

@SouthLondonMum22 So you can literally stay asleep whilst operating it?!! That's amazing!!!

You said stay in bed, not stay asleep. Of course I didn't stay asleep when using it but I didn't have to get out of bed either.

@OhMargaret
Should I get compensation for having periods?

@SouthLondonMum22 I didn't fancy waking up overnights personally.

I completely agree.

and I didn't fancy breastfeeding. Again, we are both very happy with our choices which is all that matters.

Sorry but you did have a choice because you chose to have a baby with a prick like that?! Surely that would have been discussed in advance? Good for you for divorcing the twat though!

@SouthLondonMum22 Did you consider it at all may I ask? Considering the huge advantages to both maternal and baby health for a start?

DH didn’t suddenly earn more when I was on mat leave, so I used the money I’d saved for that purpose. I’m not prepared to be a dependent, I’m a working adult and an equal partner.

@Youshouldbestrongerthanme why are you so obsessed with the way someone else fed their baby and your way being superior in all areas! Can’t you just be happy with your decision and move on? So belligerent!