Finances- why 50/50?

[Boxingshibes]

I know im lucky but I read so many threads about having to split everything 50/50 even when on maternity leave. I genuinely don't understand.
Why us it not 'our' or family money as you are a family?
When is got married 20 odd years ago i had a just above minimum wage as id lived abroad for years. Dh had a good job ( not mn good but around £40k)
I worked and also it was enough to support us, me and 2 children. I went back to work and we got a nanny as it was cheaper than nursery.
Now im the sole earner as dh is now medically retired. I'm on £70k but all our money is ours? I do pay for everything but it's not a problem as we are a family?

I read so many threads where people are using their savings/ going into debts just to pay 50/50. Why?

Barring abusive relationships, why?

I’m not suggesting we stop working, I’m saying we should be paid equally at work AND compensated adequately for the immense toll being the female partner takes on mind, body, time and the ability to concentrate once parenthood comes into the equation (or is even on the cards)

@OhMargaret "Compensated adequately" in what way?
Asides from obviously the physical element of childbirth and breastfeeding, my husband has been equally as involved as me in raising our daughter - I would expect nothing less of him just as he wpuld expect nothing less of me.

I don’t understand it either. Our friends will ‘owe’ each other money and we secretly think it’s really weird. We have a joint account where are salaries are paid into and all
bills come out of, it’s definitely ‘our’ money. We both have a personal account where we have £250 personal spends to spend as we wish. If we run out then we just take a bit more from the joint account.

We’re married, not flatmates who bonk.

Respectfully I disagree. Calling me a mug is most definitely blaming. I’m not actually angry at a stranger in the internet but who needs the patriarchy when women blame each other for the actions of men! A little understanding that life is complex would have been kinder.
We’d been together 10 years, married and both worked and contributed equally to household costs. This was a planned pregnancy and very much a shock that I had to use my personal savings to pay my share of bills. He could easily have paid them all during maternity leave without causing him any discomfort.
Not a decision I just accepted either, there were many heated discussions about this as I drained my savings and he went out and bought new equipment for his hobby from his accounts I didn’t have access to.
Hence the divorce as soon as I was able to. Which he now bitterly regrets and I don’t.

What additional toll?

Because beyond the obvious breast feeding that PP also mentioned, I’d bet there’s no need for anything additional for the woman to be doing.

and not every woman breastfeeds either.

I made the decision to have DC knowing that I'd be the one getting pregnant, giving birth and taking some maternity leave. It was my choice and I don't expect special treatment for it.

I adopted, so no breastfeeding here. I do think that I wouldn’t have anyway, because I’d want the dad to be able to also feed the baby, but haven’t tested that theory!

Actually not sure if the fact I adopted and didn’t birth means that I don’t qualify for compensation because I haven’t had the relevant “toll.”

I extended breastfed our daughter until she was 3.5 years. I still managed to work with zero issues. I'd love to know what "compensation" that poster I'm entitled to and from whom?!
Clue: None.
Why would I possibly think I should be "compensated"?!!

That's exactly one of the reasons why I didn't breastfeed.

@SouthLondonMum22 But conversely, it's one of the reasons I did. Both my husband and I got far l, far more rest and relaxation time than had I chosen to bottle feed. It made both of our lives so much easier.

I feel the same way about bottle feeding. So easy and we both got plenty of sleep.

I'm on £70k but all our money is ours? I do pay for everything but it's not a problem as we are a family?

Are you asking us or telling us?

@SouthLondonMum22 But I can't imagine you can feed pretty much in your sleep? That was a massive advantage breastfeeding afforded us that bottle feeding simply can't.

@nomas What do you mean when yoy say you pay for everything? Are you a single parent?

@nomas were you quoting me?

Why don’t you want special treatment? Why do you not think that that’s a special thing to do?

Everyone's situation is different and influenced by many factors.
I have never been able to understand how one partner (normally the woman) can choose to not work and be financially dependent on their spouse, after the children have started school.

@Mosman2020 Special treatment for giving birth?!! You cannot be serious!!

DH and I came into relationships with unequal finances. I got 60 percent of equity from house of former marriage. The person I married had only recently bought his own home. We had his home valued and had my name put on deeds. I paid equal amount I to put new house we bought together. We earned a similar amount and due to ages could not have DC. Therefore no reason not to each pay half. Over the years his salary rise higher than mine but I inherited some money. We still paid half. I invested my inheritance and got excellent returns ending up with higher income than his but still we paid half. Our mortgage is now paid off but we continue to pay half of bills and half each on holidays.

Are you a man? I’ve been through two pregnancies, met dozens of mothers going the through the same over the past few years and not one of them would say something so oblivious.

So sad that you don’t think you’re worthy

@Mosman2020 I personally think it's laughable! But go on then...when you say "special treatment", what exactly do you mean?

@OhMargaret I'm definitely a woman (unless men can birth babies?!!) Apart from birth and breastfeeding, I haven't endured any "extra toil" than my husband has when raising our daughter. What do you mean by extra toil in the first place?

What a ridiculous question. No, I’m not a man.

I don’t know who you’re expecting “compensation” from for your pregnancy and birth.

Maternity pay from work, any household money used during that time period, etc. That’s the compensation.

There’s no remuneration package owed to us from men for growing babies.

Harsh and insensitive post.
You clearly have no insight or understanding into the demise of relationships and behaviors that were previously hidden.
Your judgement and lack of empathy is astounding