to ask my friend to replace the baby play gym I lent her?

[OldPossumsPracticalCats]

My friend asked to borrow my baby’s play gym when my first wasn’t using it anymore. I said that was fine, but I would want it back for a second child. I am now expecting my second soon, so I asked for it back. When it was returned, it looked like it had been really badly treated. The mat is stained, some pieces are missing, the sensory cards are bent or gone, and the guide booklet has gone as well.

It was immaculate when I handed it over; all the parts were there, the fabrics weren’t stained. It was used every day for about seven months by my first, and intermittently until about ten months when my friend asked for it, and I had a refluxy baby who played hard with it, and it’s suitable from newborn so it’s not as if it has lots of tiny parts that are easy to lose.

It sounds petty but I cried when I saw it and wish I hadn’t lent it. Obviously I can’t go back in time but would I be unreasonable to ask for a replacement for the mat for my new baby? She didn’t mention the condition when she dropped it off, just thanked me again for it so I don’t know if she’s just hoping I don’t mention it because she must know that it’s not in remotely the same condition as when I lent it.

It’s up to you if you’re particularly bothered about this friendship as it’ll probably make things awkward going forward. If you don’t really care that much about the friendship then I’d ask her to buy a new one.

I just sent it 😬 I‘m hoping that the items will materialise. I decided not to mention the stain because that’s wear and tear and I still
wish she’d mentioned it but it’s what it is. I think when I saw it yesterday I was just really upset by the whole thing but now I’ve had some sleep and time to process, it’s the missing parts that I want back or to be replaced.

Don't know why people are having a pop at the original cost of the mat. It's not like that's any excuse for returning it wrecked, even if it was q cheaper version. I can't imagine borrowing something cheap and returning it aaged and saying 'you don't mind do you, it was only £30'

It's irrelevant anyway as friend knew the brand / cost

Such a shame. I would never lend anything as expensive as that.

I would talk to her. Say it’s in a real state now and she should replace it.

#OldPossumsPracticalCats
I'm really sorry this has happened to you ~ the Lovevery play gym is a really lovely one and, because of the design, stains will show more clearly on it than the highly patterned ones

It's been a while since I had a conversation with a friend who has a Lovevery subscription but she told me their Customer Service is particularly helpful and they'll replace spare parts. I know she had one or two toddler toys for her firstborn where the parts got used (art materials I think) so she queried whether she could get replacements for her second child and they sent her some

I know you said you don't have a subscription, but just wondered if they would help you with replacement cards etc?

Hope you are able to get this sorted in time for you new baby's arrival 💐

I have seen this time and time again that some folk are more careless with items that they do not own and haven't paid for. Almost like a switch in their brain says to them, 'It doesn't matter - it's not mine anyway!'

Sometimes you learn the hard way that it is very risky to lend something to someone. If she had apologised to you and offered a replacement when she returned it to you, there would be no issue.

If she is a decent person, she will see your message, apologise immediately and replace the items.

She would have been a hell of a lot more careful if she had been the one to pay 140 quid for it!
Hopefully she has the rest of the stuff.

Well done on sending that message! Keep us updated. What she's done is really rude and disrespectful.

I'm glad you sent the message. Trouble is the stain will be set now. She should have spoken to you when it happened.

I wonder if she lent it out to another friend in the interim, who has lost all the bits and stained it? It just seems really odd to return something damaged, stained, and missing parts without an apology or offer to replace it.

I think that was a good message and hopefully you feel better now for sending it rather than staying silently resentful. I’m surprised how many people seem to think nothing made for babies should last and everything is so disposable. My Lovevery playmat is (according to the person I bought it off) on its fifth baby and I fully expect to pass it on afterwards. I couldn’t find the Argos link someone had apparently posted but my baby is now five months old and can roll over so lots of the playgyms he used to enjoy at playgroup, the library, other people’s houses etc. are no longer suitable as they’re not sturdy enough or too narrow whereas I think he’ll get a few more months out of the Lovevery one and then it can be used for longer as a tent so, for me, it was definitely worth buying.

Are you absolutely certain that she’s returned “yours”? Is it possible that she’s passed it on/ sold it; not anticipating you wanting it back (surprisingly normal, even given the original “borrow” agreement) and has just bought a “replacement” as cheaply as possible?

When lending things of relative value like a play mat, always take a photo of it before you hand it over.

I was never a fan of sharing baby stuff like this, but YANBU OP. I hope your friend acknowledges you and the issue with the condition of it now.

The cost doesn’t matter it’s the principle! She borrowed something she knew you would use again. She was given it in good faith to look after and hand back in much the same condition.
did she think you mustn’t be bothered due to the condition that you hadn’t used it much?
id be having a chat and send her the link where she can purchase a new one or a replacement for it!
why do people today think you can trash other people’s belongings with crappy behaviour and get away with it?

I agree. I'd be so embarrassed to return something to my friend in that condition. Do people have no shame about this? Evidently some people don't, like OP's friend!

I can't see if anyone has suggested the replacement parts option
https://shop.lovevery.co.uk/collections/the-play-gym-replacement-parts
I would just add that to your message. I'd let the cards go but other parts should be replaced.

I think it's one of these lessons learnt times. You are right to be annoyed if if came back in a shabby condition., And and she is quite cheeky returning it like this and not saying anything. If it was very expensive then ask for a replacement. But really don't lend baby/children's stuff and expect to get it back pristine. But it does sound wrecked.

Is the mat not washable?

So well put OP, I agree with you so much. The mat looks lovely and if I’d known it existed this time last year when I was pregnant, I definitely would’ve got one! I also would much rather have this than an expensive hand bag!

Re the stain op, could you cover with a patch - perhaps some crinkly fabric or something else that fits the sensory theme of the mat and make it yet another exploratory feature? You could even do several such patches to make it look less of a one-off.

I realise this is a pain but at least you might be able to feel you have "bespoked it" for baby 2!

Babies don't wreck things if you keep an eye on them and don't let them on it until they have had their hands and face cleaned after eating, or you don't let them lie in it without a nappy. For sure a baby won't have taken and hidden the instruction book. Yes a baby could posset on it or the nappy could leak, but you would surely clean it for your own baby's sake, nobody would want their baby to play lying on poo or puke. Sunlight gets rid of poo stains if ordinary washing doesn't.
My daughter has been given a (much cheaper) baby gym which her baby loves, and uses a lot. Her friend has twins and then a singleton. It was in great condition and still is. When her baby finishes with it she'll be able to pass it on to someone else.
Borrowing expensive stuff can often be fraught with difficulties. Someone mentioned a non returned breast pump. Pumps have a finite life, if someone borrow a one which has had heavy use and it fails when it is with her then this puts her in a difficult situation, it would have failed with the owner eventually. Also while they are failing they are not so efficient and don't work as well. Much better actually to rent one.

This is the risk you take I think with lending anything.Someone once told me " Always think of a loan as a gift" in other words you never get back what you give.If you are friendly ask for replacement parts .I dont think you can expect her to buy a new one really

I’m a bit careless but this is why I never ask to borrow stuff and am reluctant even if someone tries to foist stuff on me. I wouldn’t want to depreciate someone’s designer baby item plus she knows it’s special - that’s why she was after it

Yes, tell her to replace it. I cannot stand people who can’t take care of items borrowing from other people. They know they’re irresponsible and careless about their own things but cheeky and disrespectful enough to borrow.
Edit. I can be careless about my stuff. I don’t borrow.

Jesus! I've never heard of this stuff. I liked it in the old days when you shoved baby on an old quilt and laid out whatever kitchen utensils looked least likely to take out an eye.

I think this is really down to you OP for lending such an expensive item and expecting it back intact. If she's a good friend then I'd leave it (assuming the bits don't turn up). I'm still friends with my baby-mum friendship group and we are all ancient now. But don't lend stuff again that you want returned.