To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

[PopItStar]

Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

Fin to be alcohol free, definitely tell your guests it’s an alcohol free wedding so they don’t book unnecessary hotels or taxis.

Alcohol free wedding should like a good idea. If people can’t hack it then they are welcome to fuck off early or not come.

Some people are not naturally outgoing or confident and would rather not take part. It's good manners to consider your guests
Oh the irony.... So the host, who fought an addiction, will continue to fight for all their life, should put their needs aside because a couple of people lack confidence without the consumption of something that is deemed unhealthy and addictive itself!

Honestly, anyone who thinks like this really need to consider their reliance on alcohol if they'd rather miss the wedding of someone close than having to enjoy themselves without alcohol.

Do it but celebrate it openly. Those who come will have a surprisingly good time. Many people dont like the boors and might even be pleased to think they will stay away

This is the voice of experience.

But to a degree it does depend on how many of the guests want to have alcohol and how many don't.

If both sides of the party are used to boozy occasions then it will be far different than if both sides are largely teetotal.

Well, I think it would be a good test of recovery. The man is not going to be able to avoid looking at or being in the presence of alcohol for the rest of his life! And also, if not everyone knows about his recovery, they certainly will at the wedding. Something to bear in mind if the treatment and recovery is not known about by all guests.

Alcohol-free fizz is very good these days - drinks like 'Nozecco' (which is a very reasonable price!) could be offered for the toasts/as a welcome drink. Do it your way, OP.

I’ve been to weddings which were not alcohol free, but where this happens anyway because of the cost of drinks at some places. Some stupid people will always do stupid things. You can’t live your life planning around that.

I'd do this.

I would be more than happy to attend. Congrats to your partner for his recovery.

I agree it depends on the venue and whether there is a bar etc.

And plenty don't. !

Wedding only for the naturally gregarious with loads of social energy. However, if your social battery runs out quickly unless artificially topped up, please stay at home. ?

Tricky one. But well done DH. Sorry if I’ve missed it, but are you planning on telling people in advance?

Theres no right answer but I might fall on the side of those who suggest adding - for personal reasons we’ll be celebrating without alcohol. You could do this with the food preferences rsvp part. Maybe if people know in advance there will be less fuss / questions rather than turning up and thinking “where’s the wine?”

have a wonderful day x

I’m just telling the @PopItStar how it is, rather than telling her what is kind

My main point is to tell people beforehand, alcohol at a wedding is a societal norm, like it or not

Or do an afternoon tea style celebration rather than risk a damp squib evening

No. Perhaps think about how to enjoy yourself without relying on alcohol.

A wedding should be enjoyable for the bride and groom, not some kind of weird endurance test!

Honestly I’d go along to the service if this was a close family member and maybe spend 1/2 an hour after wards saying congratulations but then I’d make my excuses and shoot off early after leaving a card/gift. If it was a friend I’d probably just send the gift and skip the entire thing. In the same vein, I’d go to a daytime christening was alcohol free and leave after 30 minutes. I’ve no interest in sitting around people that I wouldn’t normally choose to be with without the social softener of alcohol. I’d rather be sober at home around my house and send good wishes and a gift than going out to a sober event. Is just not my thing at all.

Have a drink love, and unclench immediately!

I would also consider just being honest about the reason why. It might lower the risk of people trying to sneak booze in.

I’m absolutely of the mindset that it’s your wedding, your rules. You should be able to have it exactly as you want. If I was a guest I would respect it.
But… just to say that in honesty I would be quietly disappointed if I got to a wedding and it was alcohol free. Just to be completely upfront. If I had arranged childcare, I get about two nights out a year and a wedding would be included in that, I would be disappointed to not have a nice drink with the meal etc, especially if people have hotel rooms and are staying away from the night and don’t need to worry about driving home etc.

I would assume that someone on the invite list had an alcohol problem, but I wouldn’t assume bride or groom necessarily.
The event is likely to have a more buttoned up atmosphere without alcohol.
Agree best to tell people in advance.

Choosing not to go to an alcohol free wedding because you want the option to drink at a wedding, very much is a problem.

It's your wedding and you can do what you like.

It wouldn't put me off attending, I really like a drink from time to time and see no issue with enjoying it but don't see the focus of a wedding as drinking.

I would definitely assume an alcohol free wedding when I knew the people getting married were not active in a religion that forbade alcohol meant that at least one of them was a recovering alcoholic.

Well, I think it would be a good test of recovery
Oh so the person who is unable to have fun at a wedding without alcohol has the authority to de ide that it would be best for the host to be exposed to alcohol... Yeah OK!

Having an alcohol free wedding doesn't mean he will avoid it for the rest of his life. He likely has already faced many tests during his 18 month sobriety.

He simply wants to enjoy his wedding day without having to also test himself which I don't think is too much to ask.

I don’t think this is a good idea people will just sneak it in. Some might leave to get alcohol to bring in or just not bother going at all. Some people have the mindset you tell them they can’t do something makes them more determined to do it.