To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

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Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

I wouldn’t have any issues with this setup.

But I don’t need alcohol to get me through one day/evening.

Make sure you say "alcohol-free" with a hyphen to reduce the risk of people interpreting it as free alcohol...

I'm teetotal. Did you read the post properly, or were you too busy clutching your pearls and getting right in there with a knee jerk judgment.

Remember there are a lot of people on MN who don't drink so the replies here may be squewed.

I've never been to an AF wedding and am another who would presume the bride or groom were an alcoholic hence the lack of alcohol. Which is fine but please let people know as it will make a difference to the constant questions of why is there no prosecco/beer/wine...

If the venue does have somewhere where alcohol is served (hotel bar, etc.) then you will get people popping down there, they get chatting to others doing the same thing and the party ends up in the bar rather than the wedding venue 😕

Definitely make this very clear on the invites to both the full day and evening do.

People will make plans, book taxis, book childcare, even hotels that they might not need if they can drive.

It is unusual, so it needs stating as often as you can - we are brought up to associate celebrations and happy occasions with alcohol ( which is mad but true).

You will unfortunately also come across people trying sneak alcohol in to your wedding, going back to their cars or rooms for a drink etc, so be prepared to be a bit disappointed in some guests.

Firstly, yes people will find it odd if they don't understand why, given out cultural norm is to serve alcohol at weddings. You need to be able to sit with that, and perhaps have answers for those who push.

Secondly, where are you having your wedding? If at a hotel or similar, the likelihood is that they will have a bar available for their non-wedding patrons. People will go off to these bars, perhaps even without realising your ban on alcohol. Ditto if there are any pubs or bars nearby (those guests may not come back again, which may be a blessing). Just be mindful in your planning.

I'd appreciate a heads up so I didn't arrange taxis or accommodation unnecessarily but other than that id happily accept an invite and not give it a second thought.
I cant believe how many people would decline or plan to leave early!

yeah and there's a reason no way really does that any more as its a crap idea.

Not really, but even so most people in the real world would be the same

of course it’s the hosts’ choice, but it should be mentioned

If not, people will leave early or not join in dancing

I think your wedding your choice and also think that anyone who "expects alcohol" or would gossip is not someone you'd want on your special day. I do agree with people who have said that you and your fiance and anybody who knows the background should all have a line for the nosies.

First of all, well done to your fiancé op on staying dry for 18 months.

secondly, you have what you want at your wedding. I personally like a drink at a wedding but it’s not my wedding.

What I think is odd is that your (and presumably his) close family and close friends don’t know he’s a recovering alcoholic.

This is also what stood out to me from the entire post. I wouldn’t want to take a gamble on my entire life with a recovering alcoholic. SO SO many opportunities for them to slip. Becoming parents are a big one too

If your good friend was getting married and chose to have an alcohol free wedding, you wouldn’t go? Your want to have a drink at a wedding is more important than your want to see your friend get married? That is messed up.

good grief, do you have to be drunk to dance/rush off to find alcohol?

The problem being is that i think people will leave early as they will be driving and think may as well just go home, also not everyone like moctails so i think you have to think about what you will offer ie alcohol free wine and bottled beer and guiness etc and special coffees otherwise people may be bored, not everyone will want to drink coke or water or fizzy orange, and if theres a bar there it would be a bit weird to say you cant have alcohol if its on display,

You clearly didn't see the recent vegan wedding thread and the huge fuss some people made about going without meat for one meal at a wedding.

Plenty of choices force things on guests at a wedding - location, childfree, vegan or veggie, non alcoholic etc.

It's HIS wedding. I'm sure he simply wants to enjoy the day without going through an 'ultimate test'.

I love a drink but would quite like this for a change, no worries about how to get home, no next day dread. Will save too a fortune too.

HNRTF but I think it is absolutely fine and yes I certainly love a few drinks,this is your day and you should both have the wedding that works for you.

I like a drink but it wouldn’t bother me if I knew in advance (I’d drive and save money on taxi/hotel) and if there were good mocktails and AF beer and something to go with the meal. I hate sugary soft drinks.

That was crazy. Who knew some people can't do without eating meat for an afternoon!

All I get from your post is that you consider yourself to be boring as you don’t drink, and you don’t want to be sat like a “lemon” surrounded by other equally boring people you know as they also will not have had a drink. It’s genuinely pathetic in my view. I thankfully have enough of a personality and am surrounded by people with enough of a personality that not drinking will not be an issue for one day. And watching people get drunk is not a form of entertainment.

It's your wedding and your decision and that's absolutely fine BUT I expect you'll get a bit of an exodus to the pub at some point! People do view weddings as an opportunity to let their hair down, drink and dance.

I wouldn’t be bothered about no alcohol but I do think many people will bail out and go elsewhere

So if a close friend or relative had an alcohol free wedding or party you wouldn’t go?
That’s fucking ridiculous and I love a boozy wedding.

There were similar responses on a vegan wedding thread recently and they were pathetic as well.

I don’t drink much at all. Haven’t had any since Christmas. I drink and enjoy a couple of glasses on special occasions…..like a wedding. Wanting the option to be able to purchase the drink of my choice at a special occasion does not indicate a drinking problem, nor a problematic relationship with alcohol and all the people clutching their pearls and making stupid, bitchy comments like that should really shut up.

There’s nothing wrong with deciding to have an alcohol free wedding, there’s nothing wrong with choosing to be teetotal, and there is also nothing wrong with wanting to be able to have a drink either.