To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

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Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

I’m not sure my post said that anywhere - at what point did I say the alcohol was the main event?

But certainly, as mentioned if DH and I are giving up our time to enjoy an event together, then I would expect to be able to enjoy a glass of wine with my meal.

It depends how much I liked them 😂 I may decide to be there for the ceremony and meal and leave.

I’m assuming you are someone who raises a judgey eyebrow to those who aren’t as pure as you?

I'd go to an alcohol free wedding, of course, though I think many people would leave a lot earlier than a wedding where the wine is flowing.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to have a dry wedding. I'm like yourself and barely drink anyway, haven't for years and could happily never touch a drop again. I personally think that anyone who would have an issue with this is just pathetic. It's like some people don't know how to have fun without alcohol, I find that really sad.

Enjoy your wedding and I hope that your DP continues on his life-changing journey. It sounds like he's done very well with it so far.

I agree with this. I’d have no issue, but many will find it strange at a wedding in our culture. They will likely speculate unfortunately, so you may be better
off just sharing your reasons. Genuine friends and family would be supportive; and I assume all of his side would already know all his history anyway?

I absolutely can cope and hardly drink at all. However I don’t like having my choice dictated to me when there is a bar and I am paying for my own drinks. I hardly ever go out so when I do I’m not going to justify my decision to have the occasional alcohol drink. The op is free to not provide alcohol themselves but personally I think they are out of order expecting the bar to refuse paying customers from buying when they normally would serve. I’m also surprised they agreed to. If op wants no alcohol at all they should be having the reception somewhere without a bar in my opinion.

You don’t have to ask them! I chat to my kids and their friends/partners about all sorts. Luckily, they can discuss a wide variety of topics, not just what’s on TikTok.

Is asking a gen z the new "my DH says...."?

I think it depends who you’ve invited to the wedding. I think it would be better to have the wedding earlier in the day and finish earlier.

If I was invited, I’d come because I’d want to support you and celebrate the happy couple. If I’m honest though, I’d be sneaking off to the pub for a quick drink halfway through and I’d leave early. I’d try not to leave too early because I wouldn’t want to be rude but I wouldn’t want to stay all day and all evening without a few drinks. Weddings can be long and what makes them fun is having a few drinks, getting a little tipsy and having a dance. I wouldn’t fancy doing that sober.

But this is why it’s important to think about who you’ve invited. Maybe your friends and family love sober events and go to the alcohol free raves!

Congrats on holding conversations, I do also.
Not about mumsnet threads, usually about the stuff that matters 🥰
Move along now.

But I would like to be told before hand so I can make my own mind up ahead of arriving as opposed to finding out on arrival. I would be upset (and head off somewhere else as soon as possible, to make the most of my night away!)

Well I guess we can see which side of the divide you are on. Nothing against a drink myself but to insist on alcohol at an event or not go is pathetic.

You had me at recovering alcoholic.

Keep the wedding alcohol free. Don't even give it a second thought.

I don't blame you for wanting this but it's hopelessly naive and idealistic. The wedding classics threads are filled with examples of alcohol-free weddings where people where drinking out of the book in the carpark and getting more loaded than the normally would be and then causing a scene inside. Half people outside, some inside. Many hiding flasks/bottles in their bags and taking swigs during the day and reception.

The general consensus is it is worse to have alcohol free because people drank more than they would if it was per glass from a bar from their stash outside in the car.

So just be careful.

You are invited to our wedding at X on the 19th.
You are not allowed to buy alcohol at the bar, which will only provide non alcoholic drinks.
Bags will be searched on the way in.
Do not leave the reception other than to use the toilet which is just off the reception room.
Do not use the downstairs bar to have a drink.
Do not ask the barman to provide you with alcohol. They are forbidden to do so.
Wedding ceremony is at 12. Canapes at 2, dinner at 5 and dancing from 8.

The celebration is alcohol free on medical advice. That is John's medical issue only of course, but everyone attending must pretend to have the same issue on the day. Thank you for your co-operation and looking forward to seeing you there.

Well Ive just asked the cat

She said ' where's my dinner'

In the circumstances it sounds eminently reasonable. And means that at your wedding, for once, any non drinkers won't be stuck with a choice between tap water and cheap orange juice, whilst the drinkers are living it large.

Awkward in what way? I had already answered the question with my very first post when I said I wouldn't go. So you asked the question because you wanted to debate with me? Which bit are you debating?

Are you not interested in how different generations perceive things? I am! They happened to be in the kitchen so I asked them.

But we can have a MN argument about if you wish 😘

It’s their wedding. They can do what they like. lots of wedding hosts will dictate stuff! Do you not eat the food because it’s not your choice? Do you listen to the music because they’ve taken that choice from you too??

It sounds like you’re being awkward because you can and want to make a point.

its one evening!!

My gen z said "sounds shit"

I like his perception 😂

I have lost track now of who I asked what! I probably asked if you would really refuse to attend a good friend’s wedding purely because you couldn’t drink.

Dont be ridiculous, why are you talking such a load of shit.

No. I am not ‘pure’. Whatever that means. I do judge people who would refuse to attend a loved one’s wedding, purely because there is no alcohol on offer though.

I have no issue with that. The young people I spoke to said they would enjoy it less. But they would still attend.

So you would not go to the wedding of a close friend or relative if there was not going to be any alcohol!

I so hope at least one of your children when they get married opt for no alcohol. Will you go?