To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

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Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

I often drink alcohol free gin and tonic, but if I'm not thirsty I will have just one, whereas I would probably drink more than one hot drink even if I'm not thirsty.

i see what you’re suggesting but that kind of defeats the point a bit for us.

the whole reason we decided on alcohol free was so the day itself just doesn’t revolve around drinking at all. if we suddenly “open the bar” in the evening then realistically the focus of the reception would shift straight to that.

also DP can actually be around alcohol anyway as i’ve said in other replies. we go to restaurants where people drink, christmas etc and it’s been fine. so it’s not really about me trying to whisk him away before anyone opens a bottle.

it’s more that we just don’t want alcohol to be part of the wedding day itself.

the rough timings are something like ceremony early afternoon, then drinks (non alcoholic obviously) and canapés, meal mid afternoon, speeches, then a few hours in the evening with music and chatting etc.

we’ll probably leave around 9 or 10 depending how the day goes. people are completely free to go to a pub or carry on somewhere else afterwards if they want to though. we’re not expecting everyone to go home the second we leave.

Set menu fine. Only providing salad as groom is dieting and temptation needs removing not so fine.

You wouldn’t go if it was someone you loved and they said it was for personal reasons?!

How much Horlicks can anyone actually drink ?

Definitely stick with it but I would also warn people in advance so they don’t make travel plans around not being fit to drive

I wouldn’t mind this at all as long as I knew in advance so I could take the car and not worry about taxis and hotels. I do enjoy a good drink but wouldn’t be bothered without. Hope you have a lovely wedding!

The groom doesn’t have a past addiction with a meal deal. Try reading the original post.

It’s your day and anyone who is a real friend should be supportive given your other half is a recovering alcoholic

I have?? I’m responding to your snotty and superior comment that nobody NEEDS to drink.

Im not sure I suggested that one has to stick to the same drink all night.

Its assumed gthat someone might have a coffee, couple of teas, perhaps some water, perhaps some hot chocolate or a horlicks (if they like that sort of thing), if like me they like hot drinks.

It wouldnt be compulsory.

@Justgorgeous and FYI, I haven’t ONCE suggested the OP supplies alcohol at her wedding.

I'd happily go to an alcohol free wedding without complaint, especially in this case with your reasoning. But in all honesty I probably wouldn't dance much and just sit chatting instead. I need alcohol to do the macarena.

And by definition, the people who turn up to this wedding are people who’d go to a dry wedding.

A close friend or relation isn’t going to mind, because celebrating your day with you in your way is what is important. Others might because their wish for a boozy party will outweigh that. I didn’t have an alcohol free wedding, in fact we had open bar, but I did have a small wedding. I realised I didn’t want to worry about what people thought of my choices and feel in the spotlight, and so only having our nearest and dearest there was the right choice for us.

Agree, Imo it shows an unhealthy relationship and view of alcohol to assume people "need" it when they say they just have a better time with it.

Although it might come from seeing family/friends genuinely go off the rails over alcohol, so i can understand alcohol being a bit of a sore subject tbf. My dad was an alcoholic and for a long time I couldnt imagine ever touching it.

Firstly, my best wishes to you both for a happy wedding day.
I have been to a dry wedding (Quaker family). and 2 dry funerals. One turned out to be more of a wake, a glass or two would have helped the reminiscences.
As others say you need to let people know prior to the event. You might like to consider an earlier finish and or departure.
I would certainly attend any of my friends event or wedding with or without a drink and wish them well just the same.
Cheers Dave

I thought the same. A daytime event AF is much less strange than an evening do. Eg a large majority of people (myself not included) will not dance if they are sober. So having a typical evening disco wouldn't work unless you have a lot of very extrovert guests. I would do it as an early ceremony followed by afternoon tea or similar where it's not so obviously a time when people would usually drink.

Having said that, I'd also agree that if people care more about drinking than sharing your day, they're aren't worth having there.

It's absolutely nobody's business but your own what you serve at your wedding. People are a bit thick if they can't put two and two together and imagine that someone at the wedding who you care about may have an alcohol problem. Again, none of their business who and you are under no obligation to say

We had a wedding where guests could choose if they drank or not. We had one person present who was known to drink far too much and they managed not to run from table to table swigging everyone's wine.
Treat people as adults.

I don’t drink much, but would find an alcohol free wedding weird, even yourself said you didn’t drink much and then listed weddings as one of the exceptions- yes people will think it’s weird and, unfortunately will be the thing people remember most about your wedding as it’s the unusual part. Drinking at social events is part of the culture in this country so you will stand out with this

However, you and your future DH have every right to have an alcohol free wedding in your circumstances. But tell people upfront (some people will bring it). As others have suggested tell them it’s for personal reasons they will understand - most will guess one of you has an alcohol problem some will think you’re pregnant and controlling everyone else’s drinking. Unfortunately people will speculate.

I think the OP is looking for answers to validate their decision, which is fair enough.

She should have asked people to comment whether they drink or not with their reply, obviously tee totallers or very occasional drinkers won't mind!

I think she just needs to accept (a) some may not come and (b) many guests will not stay until 9pm when they intend to leave, they'll leave more like 6pm. If she's OK with that then fair enough

I agree with your friend OP. It is odd to have an alcohol free wedding unless you are Muslim or alcoholics, your guests will most probably know if you are Muslim, so will therefore assume the latter.
Going to all the expense of a wedding for it to be dry- no thanks.
And to all those saying ‘if you can’t have one night out without alcohol you have a problem’ please grow up.

I say it’s up to you but if I wanted an alcohol free wedding I wouldn’t have a night time disco - just seems awkward.

Id Have wedding, canapés, meal, speeches then cake and tea/coffee then end. Some folk will go to pub, others home. Otherwise o think it risks being a bit of a flop! mainly not because of the lack of alcohol but having a disco / lights down etc. Fine if it’s more like a hotel set up where people can sit around chatting at tables but it’s the disco that makes it weird.

I think it is a bit odd, and probably wouldn't enjoy it as much if I wasn't having a drink, people tend to be more extroverted and fun when they've had a drink, so mingling etc is much easier, otherwise you may find people are just sitting around chatting in their own groups.. a full day event from early afternoon to lunchtime could be incredibly boring in fairness.

If I knew the reason I'd completely understand your decision, and would respect it, but if you aren't planning on telling people the reason, then they may, understandable, question why, and/or not be that ecstatic about it!

Either way it WILL become a focus point as it is quite unusual.