To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

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Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

No, but I’d plan to leave sharpish probably

Yes but by definition these are people who go to sober raves. Not a cross section of people.

then have alcohol free drinks, they taste the same as those with alcohol

Yanbu

It sounds lovely OP - feel free to invite me :)

Yeah I’m just being honest though. I’m sure lots young people these days go to sober raves and dance etc. But unfortunately maybe the older generations are more self conscious. I am happy to dance sober - I love dancing and I’m often the first on the dance floor. However, even at boozy weddings it can often be half empty.

What we think should happen (lots of sober people dancing) and what realistically will are different.

I'd love that. And i drink

Just have the day bit, then. I’d have less formal food, not a sit down meal, and maybe ice cream van, chips, burgers, bbq, cakes, sweets, candy floss: a kind of fair atmosphere,

Completely understandable. Id still come to a no alcohol wedding!
However, i would add something to the invite. Something simple like "please note, this wjll be an alcohol free wedding"

Lots of alcoholics of many years standing would still struggle with that, its not an indicator of anything, its part of the disease sometimes.

Stick to it OP, its the right thing to do.

I mean, I’m a big drinker but I’d be fine with it. I’d immediately assume one of you, or one of your close family, was an alcoholic though!

What is the schedule like ?

If the wedding say ends at 3 then 1 hour to get everyone to the venue, 2 hours for the meal/speeches takes you to 6. then have 1 hour to circulate etc up to 7. Open the bar at say 7 and then disappear around 7:30-8 which allows you to get up early for the plane flight and allows everyone else to have a drink while you avoiding most of the drinking evening and having a convinving excuse to get out.

Sorry but have to disagree with this. I regularly drink alcohol free beer, and it’s fine-but totally different to normal beer. Alcohol free wine tastes like vinegar, absolutely vile. Nosecco tastes like schloer.

Honestly op congrats on your wedding and congrats to your DP for managing to stay sober.

Why do you care so much?

I still find it interesting that you would be ‘majorly pissed off’ at having to attend a wedding because you couldn’t have a drink. Is alcohol the main draw then? A bit disappointed I get. But being so angry?

Ha. Don’t worry. It’s an awkward question for some I know.

Oh, and it’s a debate forum. Where people ask questions ;-)

I find it so sad that people are saying they would leave or even not turn up if they can’t get alcohol at a wedding. You’re there to celebrate the joaning of two people, not get pissed and ‘let your hair down without the kids’ that’s just an added extra if that's your thing and available. If you can’t celebrate the marriage of your friends without demanding alcohol or a legitimate reason for not having alcohol available you really need to consider your relationship with alcohol. It’s really sad people
cant go out and have a good time without alcohol.

OP you don’t need to justify to anyone why you have made any of the choices you have for your wedding. Just you enjoy your day and night of dancing and screw everyone else!

Me too, I dont drink soft drinks. I would want hot drinks, a good selection like good coffees, proper good tea (no UHT milk), chai teas, different teaes, good hot chocolates, even things like horlicks or hot milk drinks

I do like some alcohol free drinks but honestly, they do NOT taste the same as those with alcohol!

We went to an alcohol free weddings they noted it on the invite so everyone knew what to expect and everyone had a great time.

Your wedding your choice. But I wouldn’t want people thinking it was cos we were tight. Maybe say it’s important to you both to stick to an alcohol free lifestyle and focus on all the delicious alcohol free cocktails you’ll be having

'the dry wedding is more about removing temptation and just making the day feel relaxed rather than it being that he can’t physically be near alcohol'

You cannot remove temptation from an alcoholic, they'll get it wherever they can so you have to let him manage his addiction himself.

Try to focus on your guests and allow them to do as they please regarding booze or no booze.

Alcohol free 'dupes' are largely horrible.

Beer, just about meets the mark but the rest is awful, the gins are horrific and dont get me started on some alcohol free spiced rum I had once

The problem is, like soft drinks, they use sweeteners and think the drink needs to be sweet. We need to have more bitter flavours

Im very keen on tonic waters, Fevertree do some lovely variants which we drink at home as just a drink int themselves, very bitter which we like.

Did you not enjoy weddings before you were 18? Did they only become fun when you were 18?