To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

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Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

She did. She said 3 course meal and then a few hours for dancing

Your wedding, your choice - and, let's face it, you have about as good a reason as there could be for making it so.

The reason you're getting kickback is because people don't know WHY you've banned alcohol. If they did, they'd understand and I very much doubt people would challenge it. As you said, though, not really everyone's business.

Weddings mean a lot to the happy couple and very close family members but they're also all a bit samey and boring for guests. I'm sure you understand why most people look forward to drinking at weddings. Yes, people can go without for one day but it's also understandable that they might not look forward to attending as much.

Maybe think about adding in extra food or entertainment to make up for the likely lull in party atmosphere, if doable?

Keep guests stuffed and busy so they don't sit around moaning with faces like slapped arses!

You think they are providing every food in existence for the meal? If not, they are "controlling" that, must be terrible people.

It's a private event, and you are indeed guests at a private event for someone elses celebration they are organising, and you can enjoy that event or not attend. Not throw a tantrum that your lifestyle isn't the centre of attention and your personal preference aren't catered for.

Drinking is a lifestyle choice. Not drinking is normal human state not some crazy way of existing.

That's illogical. If somebody provided a set menu, let's say steak and chips followed by chocolate pudding... is that controlling what guests consume?

Oh yes! They should just change their entire wedding plan. Thank goodness you came along!

An alc-free wedding I once went to had big firework display at the end - something to stick around for!

I really think you should just ditch the evening bit. Even you don’t want to stay at it!

change the format to something you and others would enjoy more.

I don’t mind not drinking in general but I wouldn’t drink all these soft drinks, I’d just drink water.

I don't really drink these days - it makes me feel so awful, I have largely cut it out. Dh has never drunk as he has a medical condition that means it's not recommended. But we always provide alcohol and soft drinks at events, because it's what people want. And I want them to be happy. I just think it will upset a section of your guests if they can't drink and that's a sad start to your marriage.

I think people are just trying to help the OP. If she can alter the timings slightly and not have the band and dancing. She may save money. Rightly or wrongly many people won’t dance sober.

Even at slightly boozy weddings the dance floor can take a while to get going. Let’s be honest - after a long day and no alcohol how busy do we think a dancefloor at 9pm will be?

I don’t mind not drinking in general but I wouldn’t drink all these soft drinks, I’d just drink water.

Hot drinks need to be made available. I don't like drinking lots of soft drinks.

I agree that having an eveing reception is a little optimistic. I imagine lots of people will leave before the evening buffet is laid out.

YANBU.

It's you and your partners wedding, do what works for you. Sobriety is a massive thing that should be celebrated and protected. Nobody needs alcohol, they should be happy to come to your wedding and celebrate you guys relationship without that even being a concern.

I find it sad the number of people who have said its unreasonable or guests should be catered for in the sense of getting drink.... fair enough if someone had an allergy that needed catered for, not alcohol, that's just ridiculous.

But you would turn down the wedding of a loved one because you can’t have a drink?

Maybe look at your relationship with alcohol.

It wouldn’t bother me at all. Nobody NEEDS to drink.

Along with the soft drinks, I would definitely serve some nice coffee and tea. I’ve been to some alcohol-free Muslim weddings, and they served strong coffee which definitely helped me with the dancing!

She said 'music etc in the evening for a few hours'. We don't know exactly what that means, but I do think this is the bit that potentially needs looking at. If there is a dancefloor, it shouldn't be the main focus or only entertainment available.

Depends how much of a stick people have up their arses, I suppose.

And I don’t NEED a catered meal, a meal deal from Tesco will fill me just as much. But would I enjoy a wedding with a cheese and ham sandwich and bag of quavers as much as a three course meal? Of course not.

I have a friend who organises sober raves. People dance.

Brilliant idea.
Congratulations on your partner's sobriety, long may it continue.
Enjoy your special day

i actually went to a wedding party where the food offering was frazzles and jelly sweets 😂 A voucher for one free drink..

OMG, I hope the evening/night time crowd are a bit less judgy and puritanical when they join in later.

The chat is becoming repetitive now and going around in circles saying either one thing (I can do without alcohol Miss) or another (I think AF weddings are ridiculous Miss) and so on.

See ya later for more AF fun 😊

I would enjoy this. As a choice. Not a long wedding though

I'd wager some other discreet substance might be involved.

i feel like a few people maybe aren’t reading the replies as i’ve said a couple of these things already.

i genuinely don’t mind if some people leave earlier. i understand not everyone will want to stay all evening without alcohol and that’s ok. we’re not planning some huge late night anyway and we will probably head off around 9/10 ourselves.

same with people saying “you can’t stop people drinking”. yes i know that. i’ve said that already as well. if someone was absolutely determined to sneak something in i can’t physically stop them, i’m just hoping people will be respectful enough not to.

also just to clarify again as some people seem worried he won’t cope being around alcohol at all. DP can be around it. he already is in normal life. restaurants, family events etc.

at christmas there was alcohol around the whole time and it wasn’t an issue. as i mentioned earlier he was actually offered a can of beer by his brother’s new bf (who didn’t know) and he just said no thanks and carried on with his pepsi. it wasn’t dramatic.

the dry wedding is more about removing temptation and just making the day feel relaxed rather than it being that he can’t physically be near alcohol.

re music etc as people have asked.

we’re not having a big live band or anything like that. it will mostly be a playlist through the venue’s system with a mix of background music earlier and then more typical wedding music later in the evening.

there is a dance floor yes. whether loads of people use it without alcohol i have no idea but it will be there.

in terms of other things we’re keeping it quite simple. lawn games outside if the weather is decent (things like giant jenga etc), the usual chatting and catching up that happens at weddings, that sort of thing.

it’s not meant to be some wild party, more just a nice day with family and friends.