To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

[PopItStar]

Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

I think it's a great idea! I've been sober 15 years and would have really struggled to attend a wedding with alcohol freely available early on in my recovery. It's good that your DP is aware of what will work best for him, and that you are so supportive. People are free to decline the invite if it bothers them that much, but I doubt any will - particularly as it sounds quite embarrassing to say "I won't be attending your wedding as I can't possibly go a whole day without alcohol!"

Congrats @PopItStar!

Yes they are, everybody dances all together.

I’d probably decide not to do the band & dance. Just a liunch with a select few who knew the situation.

I haven't read the thread but I'm sure there are a lot of responses saying that it sounds like a lovely idea and that those who would prefer to have a drink are saddos who can't enjoy themselves without alcohol.

Personally, I'm going to be leaving early. That dance floor isn't going to fill up any time soon and after a full day of making conversation and milling about, I'm going to be depleted. Would expect to be entertained with a party atmosphere to keep me going...and yes, alcohol.

I completely understand why you want an alcohol free wedding OP. I'm not criticising your motivation or your decision...but watch as people politely drop away from your do and meet up elsewhere for a drink. Sorry. Xx

The guests have lots of food and other things to enjoy. They don't need alcohol. It's OP's wedding. I couldn't care less about alcohol.

I didn't intend to be passive aggressive; I thought I was quite plain. Oh well.

Why are you saying I'm 'upset'?

By they then need to guess one of them is an alcoholic and respect their guess just in case.do you mean they wouldn't bother respecting the bride and groom's wishes if one of them wasn't an alcoholic?
Nice.

@PopItStar
You don't need alcohol to enjoy yourself,
How many times has drink overconsumption caused some sort of catastrophe?
And other countries/religions seem to manage without don't they?
Also;
Well Done to your partner in his ongoing recovery
And you are correct; it is nobody else's business
Have a lovely day and wonderful life

Never understood the appeal of alcohol myself; it taste revolting and it makes you ill. What's good about that?
An alcohol free wedding sounds great to me

Go ahead, it sounds great. If people can't handle a wedding without alcohol, then they are the one with a problem.

Intrigued to see just how badly so many people seem to need and expect their booze.

As a non drinker, I'm now scared of the dry puritanical patronising lecturing puritans that abound on this thread.

I think I need a drink! (or they do....) 😂

Op I think you and your partner didn’t think this through from a guest perspective , hence why your friends reaction is playing on your mind,as you are assuming everyone else will react like she has, they clearly don’t know he’s an alcoholic, and will be as surprised as she was at no booze.

you canr back out of it, his sobriety is too important and you don’t want to start the marriage wirh him in relapse.

so you’re going to have to tell people it’s alcohol free, and no drinking please.
so send a message out saying irs a fun night of music, mocktails. And good food and you’d both appreciate if no alcohol was consumed during the event.

you know them and know if they normally drink socially, if they do, prepare for questions, and if they don’t ask those questions, assume they’ve guessed as that’s just politeness.

Just don't expect anyone to be dancing!

Yes I do, as if it’s no religion or alcoholism why would they be bothered about folks having a few drinks at the wedding. It’s completely normal.

I drink and I don't see the problem. There will be a selection of other drinks alcohol free and the food. Is not like they are serving just water and porridge.

Do you generally not respect the couple's choices and wishes at a wedding?

Honestly, I'm not sure what's more nuts, this thread or the one where people were frothing or despairing at the thought of a wedding at which people would be deprived of meat and dairy for one meal.

I’d let people know in advance so they can drive/ cancel their hotel rooms. I’d obviously go along with whatever the bride and groom wanted but it would feel strange to me and I imagine people will leave early.

Whyever not ? We don’t all need to be pissed to dance at a happy occasion!

Yeah, that got extreme! So many genuinely said that they couldn't cope - it was one meal! Strange.

But you understand it’s not about you and she’s not inviting you, right, she’s concerned based on her friends reaction, she knows hee guests so they must drink, so this will be their social norm, and she doesn’t want to tell them why, it doesn’t even appear she’s even told them it’s dry. So it’s about her guests and how to deal with it.

I've been to Hindu weddings with no meat. I didn't start having a hissy hit and demanding a roast.

I've been to Muslim weddings as well. Lots of meat, no alcohol, it was fine.

Again, so? This is neither Hindu or Muslim

I can dance with without drinking. Many cultures can and do. Why can’t you?

Again. Hosts rules, it's what they want.

I think your husband needs to be able to socialise around alcohol. Yes, he’s done well and made good progress but why should eveyone else habe to
forgo a drink?

alcohol is deeply ingrained into society, parties, weddings. Evryone will expect it

Be prepared for guests to leave early and go
to the pub