To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

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Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

This doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

"Guests wanted wine with their meal so we compromised and gave them fudge to take home"???

I think if you go ahead with wedding without warning guests beforehand they will a)be disappointed (wouldn't bother me but for many weddings = free booze etc!) and b) the gossip will start about which of you is the alcoholic. I'm assuming you've kept it quiet for a reason. And if you warn potential guests prior to the wedding citing "personal reasons" it will still arouse the sane suspicions.
Maybe go for the upfront approach - "Frank is now proud to be X days/weeks/months alcohol-free so we're sure you'll understand we're celebrating our wedding without alcohol".
People will still sneak their own in but will at least be mindful of Frank's achievement and understand your reasoning.

By all means, it's your wedding, but I would prepare yourself for lots of questions and speculation, especially if you don't let people know in advance. It would be very unusual in my social circle, a lot of people expect to be able to have a drink before hitting the dancefloor. Guests will be fine if you give them warning.

So what if she is, it’s not your place to question her and you’re bot entitled to know.

Edibles as in chewy cannabis sweets

I went to an alcohol free wedding once, I did not know beforehand that it would be alcohol free.

However, the invitation made it clear that the evening do would wrap up around 9pm, so it wasn't a massive surprise. There were plenty of soft drinks available in the evening and we had lots of fun doing a ceilidh.

It wouldn't have been my choice, but of course we respected that was what the bride and groom wanted, and we had a lovely time. People should respect your decision.

Saturday Weddings is a late 20th century phenomenon

If I attended in the full knowledge of the groom’s issues, I would respect the decision, but wonder why the couple are unhappy with others having a drink.
Sorry, what?
You wouldn't understand a recovering alcoholic's reason for not wanting alcohol at their wedding?
No, you must be taking the piss.

Why would there be a stilted atmosphere? It’s a joyous day! Doesn’t say much about you if you have to be tipsy before a dance! Best guests like you don’t attend, then!

She meant "special" edibles!

I think your the exception rather than the rule and very few weddings would consider this issue.

folk drove to the shop and were drinking booze out of the boots of their cars, broad daylight in the car park right next to the building the bar was in
That's classy

Looks like you’ve had a drink while writing this!

I just find it pathetic really, I can’t imagine being so reliant on alcohol that I would refuse to attend a loved one’s wedding because they don’t want to serve it.

Yanbu. People may be a bit miffed but that doesn’t make you unreasonable. It’s your day, you are inviting them to celebrate YOUR relationship. I find it so weird when people complain about someone else’s wedding day as if it was arranged to celebrate them as the guest and not the people getting married.

OP if you're doubting yourself, read one of the "bad behaviour at weddings" threads on here, and relax!

Surely you go to a wedding to celebrate the marriage of the happy couple - not for the alcohol you consume?

OK, fine, so don't go.
Don't spend a day/evening with dear friends or family because you don't feel it's worth dressing up for a formal dinner unless there's alcohol there. 🙄
That'll show them.

I have very good social skills and adapt myself to whatever situation I am in. I can attend any occasion and behave appropriately. I am confident, can dance without alcohol, make smalltalk with anyone, and know how to behave at a funeral. I am excellent company. I don’t need alcohol to compensate for my social failings!

I think this thread highlights that some people cannot cope socially without alcohol. I think the pandemic worsened things and many people have become misanthropes, unable to be around others.

I can question whoever I like thanks, it’s a discussion forum - if you don’t like it, don’t participate.

Is it a free bar or will guests have to pay for the non-alcoholic cocktails?

😂😂

I went to an alcohol free wedding once, it was fine and nobody had any issue with it.

I do wonder what generation these people come from who cannot attend a wedding without drinking alcohol.

I asked my young adult kids about this. They love partying and going out for a drink. They said they would not bat an eyelid at attending an alcohol-free party, event or wedding. Hopefully the next generation is less alcohol-dependent socially than those that have gone previously. I think the data supports this.

Are your culture's weddings mixed sex on the dancefloor? Just wondered. I suppose it depends on the culture you belong to.