To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

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Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

So, do you rely on other people getting drunk in order to have a good time, even though you are sober? That’s quite… Odd.

Loving all the "oh god people must have a problem with alcohol if they can't cope for a day" posts ....it's not abnormal to want to drink alcohol at a party, and it's not the guests that have a problem with alcohol it's the groom.

OP do what you want, it's your party . Just don't complain when people go elsewhere for alcoholic drinks and or leave early.

That poster doesn’t drink but relies on other people getting drunk in order to have fun. If there are no drunk people around, she has to leave a party. That’s extremely strange. I can enjoy myself sober and am pretty damn good company!

@Allseeingallknowing million percent there day and I wouldn’t say anything (unless asked) but I would find it odd and a bit irritating without knowing the background I’d. Her friend didn’t know the background so I’m not surprised by the reaction

Yes but this doesn’t mean people have to sit and do as they are told. Again it is not a mandatory event.

the issue is she doesn’t want to tell them why. She needs to tell them in advance, but she also needs to tell them it’s not just the venue is dry she needs to say she doesn’t wish anyone to drink, without telling them why she doesn’t want them to drink . Now I’m sure most will guess immediately, it’s pretty much the onky reason it could be past religion, but most people drink socially and weddings are no exception, it is a cultural norm to toast the bride and groom with champagne, to have some wine with dinner etc, so to break that norm, but go one step further and say please don’t bring booze in and drink it either is going to be required to stop gnat, or how would people know.

if the venue doesn’t serve booze, but she doesn’t say why, and doesn’t say please don’t drink them people will go and buy some and bring it in. As they won’t know he’s an alcoholic. If they know they will respect it. But they can’t respect what they don’t know. And if she says no one can drink at all, they are going to guess, so she may as well tell as they will all be talking about it. And she will need to answer questions on it. Which piles the pressure on him.

I see all the Puritans are out today 😊

You know perfectly well what I mean. Sitting in a room of 70 people most wondering why there's no wine or whatever, and too shy to chatter or dance without a bit of lubricant is no fun. I am full of fun myself, because I make sure I sit and socialise with those who are fun too, and more often than not, that means they have a few on board first. It's a rare thing to see someone jump up from their seat on to the dance floor without a few drinks in. I wouldn't anyway! Simple really.

So I'm fine and not in the least bit odd. Unlike some pearl clutching posters so far. Not sure whether to include you or not. I'll decide later. 😉

It's fine. Just give people fair warning (I'd be annoyed if I booked taxis or arranged to stay the night when I didn't need to, so as not to drink and drive, then discovered there wasn't going to be drinking). And be very sure that the deal at the venue isn't "if there's an event going on here, we have the paid bar open, no exceptions" - because sometimes it is. Some places won't take bookings for dry weddings, because of the money they'd lose.

You really think they have that many sad friends and family?

I am well aware of wedding atmospheres, thank you. This will come as a surprise to many on here, but I've been to Muslim weddings with wonderful atmospheres.

I find when I receive a wedding invite it falls into two categories. There’s the ‘good’ wedding invite, which would be a weekend day with not impossible logistics of where the venues are and then the other category is the slightly funny invite. So that would be a Tuesday invite, ceremony miles from the reception, no reception, or only one of us invited to some of the day etc etc.

I think making it completely alcohol free may place yours in the not so good category.

I dont think I've ever seen a series of posts genuinely get more stupid consistently as they go across a thread.

Love this summary of a poster who effectively openly admits they don’t have the personality to enjoy a party without others around them getting drunk, whilst understanding so little about alcoholism!

It’s the faux innocent passive aggressive comments isn’t it. But why can’t people do it. Like they’ve never left their basement.

Millions of people don't drink alcohol for religious or other reasons and they marry and celebrate weddings.
If they want a glass they can have it after the venue and if the want to get pissed, well, that is what you are saving there, no to witness the embarrassment.
I would stick to it.

👏👏👏

Unless you're from a religion that bans alcohol I would assume one of you is a recovering alcoholic. Otherwise why not just not drink yourselves but give people the choice of alcohol on the day, even if it's a cash bar.

If I didn't know you that well I wouldn't attend the wedding as I'd assume it was not going to be a very good party. If I had to go due to you being a close family member or friend I would stay for the minimum amount of time to be polite.

Most people want to at least have the choice of a few drinks at a wedding. At the end of the day you're hosts and this is bad hosting.

If it was me I wouldn't fork out for a nice dress and venue only for it to be a really stilted atmosphere and everyone driving home at 5-6pm.

At least warn people OP.

Is this a joke? Are you an alcoholic? I presume you must be if you would not go to the wedding of a loved one unless you could get drunk.

I would probably wonder if the bride or groom had an alcohol problem and it would make me feel a little sad for them.
It wouldn't make you feel like respecting their choice, admiring them for being in recovery (which I think is harder work than one can imagine) and having a lovely time at the wedding of two people you like//love?

OK then.

Yes bur they are not thise people, you canr seriously think the op would ask if they were.

Do you know how expensive it is to get married at the weekend? No wonder people are increasingly choosing to get married on a weekday.

I'd say you're great fun at a wake.

Exactly. There are the weddings you really look forward to as you know they'll be a lovely day.

This becomes a "remember that wedding were.... " story, and not in a good way.

It can't be that unusual because everyone seems to know what a dry wedding is but I don't think anyone is denying that the norm is for alcohol at weddings. No one has to go with an option just because it is the norm if it doesn't work for their wedding for whatever reason.

I prefer a drink at a wedding but I wouldn't make a fuss or refuse to go simply because it was a dry wedding.

Why so passive aggressive, you and a few others getting so so upset of the thought of people drinking socially/

many have said they would respect it if they knew. They may leave early but they would respect it. The issue is the op doesn’t wish to tell them. So they then need to guess one of them is an alcoholic and respect their guess just in case.

So by your own statement you never dance then because you say you don’t drink and wouldn’t jump onto the dance floor without being a few drinks in. That is genuinely so sad. Are you that self conscious that you need intoxicants to just have a dance? And it’s actually not rare to see people dancing without drinking-it happens in cultures the world over. I mean in my culture we often have weddings lasting 3 days where alcohol isn’t served and the dancing doesn’t stop. But I guess it can be tricky to attempt to develop a personality and conversational skills without alcohol if you’re used to either drinking or being around drinkers in order to enjoy yourself.