To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

[PopItStar]

Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

🤦‍♀️

Are people not able to dance unless they drink alcohol?

The wedding sounds excellent.
You are having 70 of your closest friends and family so they will know the reason for the dry wedding. They will respect that and support you. Invite fewer people if you are not comfortable with the guest list knowing your story.

Plan for great live music, ample mocktails, and great food. Create an atmosphere where people are pampered, can talk, catch up and celebrate.
Some extra activities, like games - Chess, Giant Jenga, Darts, Table Quiz, TotemTennis, Limbo, Croquet, Mini golf, Table Tennis - might be appreciated.
An icecream bike, a coffee van, help yourself pots of real tea.

Wait staff offering effortless no alcohol icey cold drinks and food, a dance floor and some intimate seating options.
It's a wedding and a gathering of good people.

Those really missing alcohol can drink before and after.

I totally understand where you're coming from but if you're convinced your fiancé is now a determined teetotaler, I can't understand why you're worried about putting him in the presence of people who would probably enjoy a drink at a celebration. Unless you're not that sure.
In all honesty a wedding, with no booze for me, would be equivalent to a day at work. Meeting new people, awkward conversations etc. I'd go but it would be a hardship. Not a chance I'd dance either. For most people, alcohol just loosens them up enough to socialise with people they don't know which is why it's always available at a wedding as you're usually mixing a pile of strangers together and hoping they'll enjoy each other.
I would happily have been sober at my own wedding because I knew everyone. It's different when you're a guest.

Well done your soon to be DH. I wouldn't tell anyone as you'll get the wankers who will smuggle in spirits. Not sure why so many Brits can't have a good time without getting slaughtered and pissed people are such a bore.

There are so many zero alcohol options these days people who have to feel they are drinking can get the taste without the side effects.

Have a lovely wedding.

Alcohol free fizz and beer is fine.

What does that say about them? Pathetic if they can’t have a good time without alcohol!

It sounds great, OP. You may get a few jokers giggling about bringing in illicit booze, but hopefully they will hide it well and nobody will be offering it to the groom. Enjoy!

You aren't really helping the idea alcohol is a problem.

If 90% would leave to save money if there was none, then 90% would stay and waste money purely to get at alcohol and nothing more.

Even in the mess our society is with it, I doubt it will actually be close to that number though.

No YOU don’t get it!

I think it depends on lots of things. If you let people know in advance, it's mostly family and people are t traveling far, then I can't see why it would be such a problem. Family love a chance to get together and I'd assume there are relatives who don't drink much and would be happy to have an occasion to meet up with each other.

I have been to an alcohol free wedding - DH's colleague was an evangelical Christian. But the wedding ended after food. There was no 'normal' reception.

Like others I probably wouldn't dance or stay late at an alcohol free wedding. If the wedding is alcohol free, I'd prefer some other entertainment, like indoor crazy golf...

This is perfectly alright! I go to wedding to celebrate the couple / with the couple. Not to consume alcohol.

And I am saying this as somebody who definitely likes to drink.

I hope you have a lovely wedding! Congratulations 💐

I think your day, your choice if theres no reason for your choices.

Everyone who knows the groom likely knows his struggle and theyd be full arses if they didnt understand.

Good for you two!

Why were you starving? Didn’t you eat anything during the day? Surely you didn’t expect a massive meal in the evening!

I really don't think there was any question about telling people there would be no alcohol.

@FleurDeFleur. the issue is that I for one don’t like sweet drinks, partly because they don’t like me, give me heartburn for starters. Lemonade and mocktails aren’t something my body can tolerate whereas it can tolerate gluten free cask ale, 2 pints lasts me a whole evening, I’m not an alcoholic, otherwise i would need to just drink water. I’d actually prefer chamomile tea, that’s what I drink at home hot or cold.

Great idea. Your wedding, your choice. Some people will be pleasantly surprised to have a day without alcohol and will enjoy themselves all the same. No expensive tacos needed at the end of the night and no hang over the next day.

Did you not even read the op? They don’t know and she doesn’t wish to tell them.

"That" poster was me! 😉Now come on, there's nothing like the free entertainment you get when in the company of fun drinkers. Not the messy, up for a fight types, but the giggly and funny ones. It can be hilarious!

Alcohol certainly relaxes people, and often brings out their best side too. It's not a sin to have a drink, and just because I don't myself doesn't mean I sit back and expect to be entertained either! It's nice not to be in the company of a pile of dry shites like myself after all! Although once the fun starts I'm up there with the rest of them and can do a mean version of Tina Turner if someone sticks a mike in my hand!

Judge not, and you will not be judged.

Yes that is fine but we do tend to consider guests too? If not just have a quiet do with only b&g plus witnesses. If we have guests then surely we want them to have a nice time and at least champagne is the norm at these things for a toast?

Her dp is currently abstaining and currently beating his demons. It will be a lifelong problem for him to manage.

I rarely drink but always offer to guests.

Peroni and corona are both good IMO and lucky saint (thinks that’s 0.5%). You can make some lovely mocktails.

I think unless I knew the background I’d find it incredibly strange and would be a bit annoyed that as an adult I couldn’t choose what I want to drink. However if I knew the background I would totally get it and respect it

The thing is, it’s their day!

It’s your day so you can do whatever you want !
however check its ok with your venue -they usually expect a fair amount of revenue from the bar at a wedding.
also I’d let guests know that the event is alcohol-free. People expect alcohol and feasting and dancing at weddings. A few guests will probs leave early to go to bars and clubs for boozing purposes and that’s their prerogative .

For many it's a pre requisite, others would dance but it’s not as enjoyable, and those who love dancing wouldn’t care.

But if you think it wouldn’t impact the atmosphere, then I think you are very mistaken.