To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

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Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

@ERthreesorry, what don't I 'get' ?

Of course YANBU but be aware the atmosphere may not be how you expect it to me, a quiet dance floor etc… if you’re ok with that go for it. Don’t expect it to be like every other wedding you’ve been too though as lots of people won’t get up and dance, yes a few will be fine dancing sober etc but it won’t be a heaving dance floor.

have managed to read a bit more now.

a few people asked how i’d feel if people left early because there’s no alcohol. honestly probably fine? we’re not planning some massive all night party until 2am anyway. the ceremony is early afternoon, meal mid afternoon and then music etc in the evening for a few hours.

DP and i will probably leave slightly earlier than some people ourselves if i’m honest. partly because of the honeymoon flight the next morning (very early start unfortunately) and partly because neither of us are huge late night party people anyway.

so if some people drift off earlier in the evening that wouldn’t really bother me.

re people sneaking alcohol in i suppose i can’t 100% stop someone putting a mini bottle in a handbag if they really wanted to. but i would hope our friends and family would respect the situation enough not to do that.

the venue side of things is fairly straightforward. they do have a normal bar but we’ve spoken to them about it already and for our booking they won’t be serving alcohol at all during the reception. it will basically be set up as a soft drinks / mocktail bar instead.

so things like alcohol free cocktails, fancy lemonades, good quality soft drinks, that sort of thing rather than just cola and orange.

food wise we’re doing canapés after the ceremony, then a sit down meal (fairly standard three courses) and then later on some evening food. nothing unusual really.

also saw someone assume it must be child free because of the numbers but it actually isn’t. children are welcome, there just aren’t loads of them in our families. there will be a few nieces/nephews and a couple of friends’ kids but not masses. the 70ish number is mostly just big families on both sides rather than a huge guest list of friends.

I didn’t say preload, I said bring alcohol in if they knew.

It’s very interesting how moderate drinking is viewed. If we were in France or Italy, it would be unheard of not to have wine with a wedding dinner. So just because we’re British, it’s not seen as normal, but as a weak form of dependency that’s ‘needed to relax’.

Plenty of people have said they’d be pissed off, wouldn’t go, would leave early etc if there was no alcohol. So to me they can’t cope with the event if there is not alcohol.

as for my level of comprehension. It’s fine thanks. If you read it back you’ll notice I never said “xx said she couldn’t cope”. I said I was really surprised at the amount of people who can’t cope….thats me summarising what I THINK. Because people have stated they’d wouldn’t go etc etc.

so I can be “really surprised” because I really thought people were a bit less reliant on alcohol to have fun or be less bored.

You're now saying that you’d weigh up whether it’s worth it? So it’s less worth it without the alcohol.

hope you don’t get invited to many weddings. They’re supposed to be a nice thing where you celebrate someone’s marriage. It’s about them.

I hope the OPs wedding guests have a bit more understanding and the wedding goes well.

re people sneaking alcohol in i suppose i can’t 100% stop someone putting a mini bottle in a handbag if they really wanted to. but i would hope our friends and family would respect the situation enough not to do that

but that’s if you tell them it’s no alcohol and why. They can’t respect something they don’t know.

I'd be very surprised to arrive at a wedding reception and not immediately be given a drink. I'd actually be somewhat irked not to have been forewarned.
I think you ought to inform the guests in advance.

Very few people said they not go, and yes they couldn’t cope. The vast majority have not said that,

I went to an alcohol free wedding once - personally didn't mind not drinking as I didn't know them hugely well and meant we could drive home as opposed to stay late/pay for cabs/stay over etc.

However.. people were still drinking. Some had brought it with them and stashed it in their car, and I'm pretty sure somebody even got a Door-Dash type delivery. It was obvious who had been drinking by about 5pm, and was all a bit awkward..

I'd just be prepared for this, is all..

I see different meanings of pre loaded ! As OP says she can't stop people but it is pretty disrespectful really.

I think you’ll find 90% of people will leave after the meal

I think you should tell people in advance - people can save on hotels if they know they can drive home.

But otherwise, it's nobody else's business than yours. If someone said to me it's an AF wedding I'd not bat an eyelid.

My DH has a friend who is a recovered alcoholic and I always ask if it's ok to have a glass of wine when he visits as I don't like to rub his nose in it. There are loads of 0% beers these days anyway, I don't like beer but if I did would be perfectly happy with alcohol-free varieties. Otherwise mocktails are fine.

Sounds lovely OP.

you need to do what’s right for you and what you’ll enjoy.

I like your attitude and support of your DH.

I’ve been to plenty of non alcohol events. Some had alcohol but I chose not to drink as I was driving etc. Had a lovely time on all occasions!

I do enjoy a drink but don’t like to get drunk so I’m in a the middle ground and can take it or leave it really.

They won’t know the reason, so it won’t be understandable.

If I attended, oblivious to the groom’s issues with alcohol, I’d be quite shocked and annoyed that despite there being a bar at the venue, I was banned from buying an alcoholic drink.

If I attended in the full knowledge of the groom’s issues, I would respect the decision, but wonder why the couple are unhappy with others having a drink. Life will be tricky for them, socially, if they can’t be around alcohol at all.

At the end of the day, it’s the couple’s wedding and decision. They can’t expect guests to be happy about their decision though.

I'd happily go to a booze-free wedding same as I would happily go to any event without booze.

The last wedding I went to, I drank alcohol but carefully as I was someone's plus one, didn't know anybody else and didn't want to risk making an idiot of myself.
I went to two before that and was driving.

I absolutely love a drink and drink regularly but it isn't my day, It's the bride and groom's.

It definitely needs to be made clear beforehand. And I do think a lot of folk will sneak off and get booze.

One wedding I was at recently, a nice affair, lovely venue that followed a traditional (hymns and all!) catholic wedding, folk drove to the shop and were drinking booze out of the boots of their cars, broad daylight in the car park right next to the building the bar was in, just becuase drinks weren't cheap. And by this I mean, they weren't expensive either, just a normal price, around the same as my local pub. Depending on the general demographic and attitude of your guests, you're likely to get some of that.

Quite likely as they know they can drive home and save a hotel bill.

I never said they did! 😂

Honestly the answers on here. People really are dependent on alcohol aren't they?

I think I’d be tempted to make it a day do / lunch / afternoon tea & cake type thing. This would be better for you as you have an early flight the next day, and people have time to drive home afterwards. Marry at 12, photos and schmoozing, lunch at 2ish, tea and cake at 5, wrap it up at 8.

To add to that, we went to a barn wedding once where the couple wanted no gifts but asked everyone to bring a nice cake. They had someone teaching line dancing steps and we did some welly throwing type games. It was brilliant!!

Sounds really liberating to me to have a booze free wedding- great opportunity to celebrate where your life is at now! Congrats to your husband for getting sober.

Its the wedding reception of the bride and groom but it's my free time, my Saturday night. I don't want to dress up for a formal dinner and be expected to chat to strangers, dance and make merry all evening without a drink. It's my culture.
I'd be happy to celebrate with a lovely picnic in the park or a hike in the hills or a day at the beach, I wouldn't expect alcohol at those types of celebrations.

Good on him, but I really don’t think your dance floor will be very full. How will that impact your wedding? It could be quite subdued, but you know your guests and how it will be.

I think I’d opt more for an afternoon tea with perhaps some live music but I’d ditch a dance floor and would officially finish the event early evening. If people wanted to carry on they could, but I wouldn’t make it the expectation.

I know! People using words liked shocked, annoyed, pissed off etc because they can’t have a drink.

I agree with a poster above that if guests can’t respect the hosts choice then they’re not good guests.

you shouldn’t need to know the reason - you’re a guest and should respect it (unless the request is something illegal of course!!)

Do you know what you will tell people when they ask why the venue has been barred from serving alcohol.

I think you’re getting yourself in a pickle. You don’t want to tell people about your fiances issues, which is fair, but you want them to respect you don’t wish alcohol served. But it’s not just you don’t want alcohol served. You also don’t want them to consume any alcohol.

you need to tell them it’s not just you’re not serving it, it’s you also don’t wish anyone to drink at it. Which is next step up. You will need to think of a reason for this as it is so far from the norm. Not serving it is one thing, it’s a whole other thing to say no one can pip out buy a bottle and bring it back as you don’t want alcohol visible or people looking like they are drinking.

it will lead to a lot of speculation and the obvious one will be one of you is an alcoholic and risks relapse/