To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

[PopItStar]

Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

also a few people saying 70 people isn’t small which made me laugh a bit. we both have quite big families on both sides so once you add parents, siblings, partners, aunts/uncles and a few close friends it suddenly gets to 70ish quite quickly.

Something about the wording of this makes me think this is a childfree wedding... We get babysitters about five times a year so would be quite sad to spend a rare day out together at a dry wedding. Conversely if it's not childfree the atmosphere will definitely be more family-friendly than many weddings

Fuck it @PopItStar Make it vegan as well. That'll sort the wheat from the twats.

I think that’s different to be fair, it would be like sayinf the op and her husband are doing intermittant fasting and don’t eat during the wedding hours, so no food is served and people are expected to fast.

because irs no alcohol not no whisky but you can have wine.

Yeah, I'd probably think twice about going to one of those too, to be honest. Their choice, but unless the menu was really inventive I'd be quite likely to swerve it.

And it's maybe similar, but it's not the same, because people don't kick back and relax with a pork chop, or raise a chicken leg for the toasts, though do they.

Would people really pre- load a wedding ?? The only people who I know who pre load are students- surely drinking before a formal event is itself the sign of a problem ?

"You've real issues with alcohol"

Says the person who'd 'get her husband' to go out and get her booze if she couldn't get a drink.

Where’s your voting? YANBU at all! Your wedding, your choice.

Friend’s sister had an alcohol-free wedding as she was marrying into a strictly Methodist family who didn’t drink, and she didn’t either. Everyone accepted it as their choice.

((Save you a bob or two as well 😄))

😂😂 "Sort the wheat from the twats". Love it!

Why would they assume that? I wouldn't

I wouldn't be able to dance or want to stay up late if I wasn't enjoying a bit of a beer/ wine buzz for the evening do. I would still go of course. I suspect my OH would either not want to go, or would plan to pop out to a local pub before/ during/ after and may well have a few beers stashed in the car and keep going outside to indulge!

I'd worry you might end up with an empty dance floor or people leaving early. So that didn't feel like an insult to your hospitality I would probably aim for an earlier finish than the traditional 'carriages at midnight'.

Alcohol free beer is very good these days, does your local pub not do that ?

I don't think it's that different. It's a choice made by couples due to their values/personal preferences etc . Childfree is another potentially unpopular choice some couples make for their wedding too.

Every couple getting married forces some type of choice on their guests. Some are just more noticeable such as vegan, dry, childfree etc.

Lots of people have problems with alcohol, there are quite a few on this thread who wouldn't go to an alcohol-free wedding.

I'd be happy with it but would like to know in advance as would be much more likely to drive in that case than make other arrangements.

To be honest I would find this really controlling. There's nothing wrong with enjoying a drink at a wedding, and without knowing your partner's history I would just assume it was either weirdly controlling, making some kind of point or that you didn't trust your guests with booze.
I personally always wanted my guests to have a great time at my wedding, and that meant offering a range of drinks and food. I'm not a big drinker but I love a glass of wine with food, I would be pretty disappointed to be treated like a child.

It isn't the only way to kick back and relax though. I'd hope people can relax without the need for alcohol.

It's more common if drinking is banned or not available at an event. They will probably stop off at the pub on the way to the venue and some may never bother making it out.

The UK doesn't have that much of a preload culture (it's probably increasing due to alcohol costs) but I've lived in places that do it, mainly due to the huge cost of drinking out, nothing to do with alcoholism.

I would love to go to an alcohol free wedding. Drunk people often make me feel very uncomfortable so a whole wedding without that would be really nice.

I rarely drink, my DP is the same and most of my friends aren’t too fussed about alcohol either so no issues there. My parents would likely be horrified though.

Absolute bollocks that only water or wine goes with food.

Have you never had beer with curry or similar?

Also, soft drinks go with food perfectly well. However nice the food is at a wedding, it’s going to be mass catering not Michelin-star individual cuisine.

You don't get it do you ?

OP well done to your DP. A close friend is in the same situation and I know how difficult it is. It’s your wedding day you can do whatever you want but I would 100% let people know beforehand so that they know they can drive home and don’t need hotels. In saying that I know if it was my family lots would head off early and there would be a seperate unofficial wedding reception in some pub close to the venue. I’m not saying that’s the right thing to do but it’s the reality. It’s like having your wedding the day of a major World Cup match or whatever . You will always have people who will duck out to watch the match. My cousin got married on the day of I think it was Argentina v Germany and halfway through the mass just around kickoff the congregation started slipping away to the pub next door.

Jeeeez. Yes, of course they can. They do. They probably do all kind of other stuff at other times, yoga and reading and hot baths and tea drinking and country walks - and at weddings, they have a drink.

You can say you're fine with it, you can say you'd prefer it, but it's so bizarre to keep pretending it's not unusual or that a lot of people would expect and like a drink at a wedding and that is fine.

Bloody hell, that's rude of them!

Cocktails, whether they are alcohol free or not, are usually really sugary

This is only true if your experience of cocktails is the kind of cocktails you get at, for example, TGI Friday's.

On seeing your title I thought unless one of you is an alcoholic who's on the wagon YABU, but as yes one of you is a recovering alcoholic then no you are absolutely doing the right thing. I would let people know in advance though. Congratulations, well done to your DP, he's walking a hard road darling, good luck to you both xx

It sounds as if no-one else on here has ever been to a Muslim wedding? I've been to several, and have found them very enjoyable and "celebratory".