To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

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Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

Really? Who has said they 'couldn't cope' with an alcohol free wedding? You should be 'really surprised' at your own complete lack of reading comprehension because literally nobody has said that.

There is a huge difference between not being able to cope without something, and enjoying a social occasion more with it. Weddings can be very boring, with a lot of hanging around. People take into account all sorts of things when working out whether their enjoyment will be 'worth' the (often significant) amount of money, time and effort it takes them to attend. Whether there is alcohol is just one element - just like how many other people you'll know there, how far away it is, what sort of wedding, etc.

Stick to an alcohol free wedding if that's what you both want. I can imagine it reduces a lot of stress for a recovering alcoholic, as your soon to be DH can avoid well meaning friends and relatives encouraging him to drink, whilst maintaining his privacy.

If you want to provide any sort of reason for guests, I would keep it to a vague but honest "Soon to be DH and I are both teetotal". I don't drink, and when people ask why not, they seem satisfied with just being told I'm teetotal, and very rarely push for more information.

If you decide to offer non alcoholic cocktails, offer some more grown up flavours, rather than just different juice blends. Everleaf is a brand that does nice non alcoholic aperitifs. There's also a lot of online recipes for botanical cocktails.

If you have good food, a good selection of adult alcohol free drinks and your guests are decent people who have a healthy relationship with alcohol, and respect you both as a couple, they won't nip to the nearest pub (as suggested by other posters).

I hope everything goes well x

You can obviously have whatever wedding you want

You seem bothered about what people will think

They'll think that either the bride or groom is a recovering alcoholic and can't be around alcohol

So.......if you're OK with that, then that's all fine

And that’s the thing, she can’t make it alcohol free, she’s can only not serve alcohol. She can’t stop people going out and buying a bottle of gin to add a shot to their tonic, or a bottle of wine, and if people don’t know why there is no booze being served and had booked taxis or rooms etc, it is hugely likely fhey will go and buy booze and bring it in. She is liked to find people sitting outside with tins of beer.

if I’d spent uo on a room or taxis in all honesty I’d be bemused when I saw no booze and likely tell my husband to pop off and buy some booze,because I wouldn’t know why there was no alcohol, and just sort it myself. As would most people I know. I seldom drink, likely twice a month at social events, but I like a glass of wine when socialising, and am entitled to do that. If I knew he was an alcoholic I wouldn’t drink, but if I didn’t know. I would.

so she needs to consider this, and importantly so does her fiance, as the overwhelming odds are this will not be a dry wedding. It will simply be a wedding she doesn’t serve booze at and people bring their own in.

I would suggest that you add a line to your wedding invitation...'our wedding will be alcohol free, so will not be available at the venue, we hope you understand'.

People are then forewarned, and it won't be a surprise on the day. We went to an evening reception, where the only food supplied was cheese and crackers. Nothing stated on the invitation, so it was a surprise! Not a welcome one for my husband, who hates cheese!! We ended up at McDonald's on the way home, as we were starving hungry!

So bloody disingenuous, all this 'it's about the bride and groom not you' stuff. If it was just a matter of watching them get married and wishing them well, why do food? Why have dancing? Why try to make the food special? Because these things are nice, and they are celebratory.

If you’re banning guests from drinking alcohol at your wedding that’s of course, up to you. It depends on the type of wedding and the guests as to how the day might pan out, e.g. traditional format with many guests that don’t know each other then you might find less chatter/dancing etc. I’m introvert and hate small talk so a couple of glasses of wine usually helps me relax/more chatty around strangers.
People will likely head home early too. But like I say, it’s depend on your guests as if you have a lot of friends who don’t drink then they’ll be used to that.

Why not just compromise and let the evening venue sell alcohol, keep reception alcohol-free. Your guests can buy drinks if they want or have soft drinks if you provide them. Probably a good idea anyway as it's the all-afternoon drinking that results in so many weddings becoming drunken shitshows that lead to arguments and terrible behaviour and leave guests with enduring embarrassment, like the recent thread on here.

It sounds really fun. I'd love to be slipping back an alcohol free cocktail whilst eating a fine meal and listening to all the interesting people in the room. Go for it.

I'd be a bit worried about there being a bar at the venue. I know OP said the venue agreed they would only serve non alcoholic drinks, but how guaranteed is that? I doubt a barman would care if someone slipped him a few bob to get a REAL drink or two or more. And if the mocktails/0% drinks all look the same as the alcoholic drinks, who'd know?

Risky......

It's your day. No-one else's. You're flagging it in advance. If people can't make it through the day without a drink then they don't have to go.

Potentially, if you have an early flight you could leave earlier and then they could crack open the wine if they really need to, but really I don't see the issue. And there are some very good alcohol-free prosecco type wines, if you want to toast 'traditionally'.

I went to an alcohol free wedding (afternoon tea type affair) and many were flabbergasted. Travelled, booked accommodation, brought gifts. Got an egg sandwich and a slice of Madeira in return. They did both drink but it was to do it as cheaply as possible.

My assumption at an alcohol free wedding is one or both of the couple are alcoholics, there is a religious reason or they are just trying to do it on the cheap.
@DivorcedButHappyNow

The AF afternoon tea type wedding that you went to sounds perfectly nice - if that is what everyone was expecting. I would enjoy that occasion if I knew in advance. I would be less impressed if I had booked accommodation etc. instead of just driving.

However, I think it is unfair to be dismissive about people "doing it on the cheap". Not everyone can afford a big, lavish wedding and I think it can still be a nice occasion without spending silly money.

We did have alcohol at our wedding but it wasn't an especially boozy affair as we were "cutting our coat according to our cloth" as they say. This was in the 1980s. We just had an afternoon reception in the Village Hall with a buffet meal. I think we did sherry on arrival, bottles of wine on the table (bought from Tesco) and a glass of something bubbly for the toasts.We sloped off early evening and I gather most of the guests spent the rest of the evening in the village pub.

nobody is saying they 'can't' go to a wedding without drinking, just that for most people free time is limited, so if they spend their time, money and effort going to a social occasion they want to enjoy it as much as possible.

Are you saying you can't enjoy the wedding without drink, it sounds so.

There are some lovely non alcoholic drinks out there.

Not everyone enjoys it though and it is perfectly fine to have a dry wedding too. It even has a name so clearly isn't unheard of either for various reasons.

I think it's fine to enjoy alcohol at parties, what I find bizarre is when someone would refuse to go to a wedding just because it's a dry one.

I love this. Most of all, great that you are doing your wedding in a way that suits you - good for you. But I also love that it prompts debate about why people need alcohol anyway to have a nice time - because it just seems nuts to me that this is a social norm when in fact alcohol does so much damage in society. So well done for prioritising your husband's health over a ridiculous social norm. I hope you have a wonderful day and treasure the memories forever.

"I'm entitled"

yep

Yeah she’s not explained what kind of venue. It could just be something like a function room where there is no booze brought in by the bar staff, or it could be a hotel where there is a bar in the venue they can buy booze.

as said though, I don’t think it matters, many people will jisy go and buy some and bring it back in.

Yes I am, and I won’t let anyone shame me for it. I can eat and drink what I please. In my time, I am not a child.

I think it’s fine. They will assume one or both of you are recovering alcoholics I’d imagine.

That poster doesn't drink alcohol but needs others to be drinking it in order to have a good time.
It's strange but it does show a kind of dependency on alcohol.

Bless

Cocktails, whether they are alcohol free or not, are usually really sugary and don't complement the food, same for fizzy drinks even diet ones don't go with food. Only water and wine goes with food, that's why it'll be odd to not have alcohol with a meal at a wedding. Better to do an afternoon tea type thing.

It doesn’t matter how passive aggressive you ger, you just display you’ve real issues with alcohol, so get help.

and if the bride and groom are vegan, I wouldn't be shocked if they had vegan food only at their wedding. Because it is their wedding.

Similar thing.

Why can you not enjoy yourself without drinking alcohol?