To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

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Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

There's no way I'm going to an alcohol free wedding and there are likely to be others like me so be prepared for some refusals and those who come not enjoying it. The wedding reception isn't just about you and the groom it's a party you throw for friends and family so unless your dp literally can't abstain from alcohol for one day I think you are being exceedingly inhospitable.

Provided the 70 guests are close friends and relatives, you really must warn them in advance. They should be understanding because of your situation. And if they are not, then they don’t care enough to be worthy of being invited to the wedding.
I don’t drink alcohol because I don’t like it and I simply don’t see the point if it. But, to my mind, going to a wedding where there is zero alcohol is like going to a wedding where there is no bride or groom. It is expected. That’s why you need to let the guests know in advance so that they are not disappointed on the day.
I’m sure there are weddings with zero alcohol for religious reasons but I suspect plenty of guests sneak around for a drink here and there in such circumstances.

Let people know in advance. If people are expecting alcohol they might book a taxi or even stay over somewhere, whereas if they're not drinking they might prefer to drive.

Well done to your DP on his 18 months sober! Good on him.

YANBU to have an alcohol-free wedding if you want to.

I do think you should tell people when you invite them though - mainly because it will mean they’ll be able to drive! If you don’t tell them, you might find that people end up wasting money on booking taxis or overnight stays, only to find out when they get there that they could have just driven.

Would I prefer to drink alcohol at a wedding? Yes. But I would still come to a booze-free wedding! If there were no religious reasons, I’d assume either the couple or a close family member of theirs had a history of alcoholism - which is nothing to be ashamed of and I would of course completely understand and respect their choice.

This can only be seen as an issue in the UK to be honest as people here seem to be obsessed with alcohol and need it in order to have a good time.
Stick with your plan OP. As a non drinker, I wish all weddings were AF as I can’t stand being around drunk people

That’s what I think, I am sure there was a thread on a similar theme a few years ago except it was an uncle or something that was the recovering alcoholic.

People do need to know though and yes if it was me, I would probably cancel an on site hotel if I had booked one and aim to leave early enough to either drive home or go to a cheaper Premier Inn or something. Not because I disapprove of alcohol free events in any way, but because there’s no point wasting money.

Totally understandable why you want alcohol free wedding. People are going to find it strange so you must pre warn them. The wording previous mentioned due to personal reasons there will be no alcohol is perfect. Needs to be on the wedding invitation. There are some lovely none alcoholic drinks and those that care about you will totally understand.

Yes, many people are obsessed with alcohol and just can’t seem to function without it.

I'd love an alcohol free wedding. Especially one with Afternoon Tea. We borrowed the village church tea urns and served tea and coffee all day at ours. Probably more popular than the beer/wine!

There is no way you will go to witness the wedding of two friends or family member because you cannot cope with being at a party without booze? I think you need to rethink your relationship with alcohol…

I think it's fine to do your wedding your way. I've been to wedding without booze for people who don't think before, and vegetarian weddings for vegetarians etc. The only thing I would say is that you should make it clear beforehand there's no alcohol, otherwise people may pay for taxis, hotel rooms etc just because they plan to drink, when they could have driven if they'd known. Unless it's very obviously not a boozy event (eg the one I went to was afternoon tea in a church hall, no evening do, so I'd assumed in advance it wouldn't be a boozy event).

People on here can be really weird about alcohol.

i would expect booze at a wedding, with the meal etc, it’s the norm as im sure you know, and if I didn’t know about your fiance, I would find it very odd indeed if I couldn’t get a glass of wine and it was a dry wedding.

id wonder which one was the alcoholic if im honest, id not consider cost as I’d assume paid bar,

i dont think ive ever been to a wedding where guests were not given wine win dinner, it is the norm,

and depending on the evening plans, not many people like to dance stone cold sober.

however you need to stick to your guns, he suggested it which means he still can’t be found alcohol. So it doesn’t matter what others think that must come first.

I have been to a couple of alcohol free weddings. In both cases I think it was because the bride's family were Methodist.

At the first one I was only a child so it didn't affect me anyway, but I don't recall hearing any adults comment on it.

The second one I was in my 20s and went as a plus one. Again, it was a nice day and everyone seemed to enjoy it.

I should add that in both cases the wedding was just an afternoon do, no evening party.

I suppose it is considered unusual these days but if that is what you want then I would hope that everyone should be happy to celebrate the day the way you want. I like a drink but would be perfectly OK with this. In any case, I imagine with most of your guests at least one in the family would have to stay sober anyway to drive.

I agree with PP though that it might be an idea to give a breezy heads up to your guests beforehand so nobody is making unwelcome or outraged comments on the day.

I don't drink tea or coffee so struggle with that but a glass of water or squash and I'll be happy

I think its your wedding you do what you want if people don't like it then they don't have to go. It's not up to you to get everyone pissed up. I think alcohol free drink its good as well. At my wedding we had a free bar and everybody made a pig of themselves so go alcohol free and have a lovely day.

All these comments about how sad it is people 'cannot get through one afternoon without alcohol' are so silly. It doesn't matter whether you, I or anyone else drinks or likes alcohol, or how much. The point is, alcohol is served at weddings because a lot of people like it, all of them expect it even if they don't drink it - and most of them will drink it. If it's not going to be available, it's only fair to let people know, not least to save them booking taxis and so on.

And personally, obviously I can "get through one afternoon without drinking" but I'd massively prefer to have a drink or several if that afternoon was at someone's wedding, and that's hardly a fringe position.

Actually this is very important you need to tell people it’s dry. As otherwise people will pay a lot of money foe transport or rooms which may not be required,

It’s fine. Bear in mind some people might bring their own in a hip flask as others have pointed out, and some will arrive pre loaded. Otherwise it’s your day so do what you would like the most.

I think you are absolutely entitled to your AF wedding.

Didn't see if you replied to queries about whether guests would be able to purchase drinks at the venue?

I also think you need to give everyone the heads up with the invitation.
Alcohol is expensive and ppl may assume you don't want to pay for it.

I see what youre saying, agree those exact words haven't been used. But if he cant fully relax knowing people are drinking around him then its closer to "cant" be around it then "can", no?

I think an alcohol free do is fine, but do something like brunch or afternoon tea, something different, rather than mimicking a booze filled day and drunken dancing

It's your wedding and your choice but I'd say it depends on what sort of atmosphere you want. If you want people up dancing well into the night then that might not happen at a dry wedding.

I've had to attend weddings sober (e.g. while pregnant) and still had a nice time but definitely got up to dance less and wanted to go home earlier. I've been at parties where no one drank much (because the bar was extortionate) and the dance floor was pretty much dead and everyone had left by 10pm when it was meant to go on until midnight.

I’d also mention the plan to any wedding venue, as it will slash any profits for them and might affect a booking

I think this is a great idea given your OH's situation.

I would let people know in advance though, otherwise the day will be dominated by people finding out it's going to be AF and their various attitudes to it. People might make different decisions about travel etc.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding OP and well done to your DH.

If you let people know in advance then I think it’s fine but please put the emphasis on decent drinks. By that I mean a selection of decent alcohol free beers, some upmarket ginger beers and tonics, ice cold cans of coke and Diet Coke, not poured out of plastic bottles, good mineral waters like Sam pellgrino, . Plus the flavoured cans of san pellgrino. Also ensure everything is served in njce glasses with plenty of ice, lemon etc. make sure the alcohol free cocktails aren’t all sweet and syrupy, make some more savoury. Jugs of room temp water and orange squash will absolutely not be acceptable.