Hens still havent paid me back?

[MyPurpleHeart]

I'm going away on a hen trip for my cousins wedding. When we booked it I paid for the brides share up front with the agreement the hens would pay me their share back. This was 6 months ago. We are a month out and despite me asking a few times, none of the hens have paid me yet. AIBU to ask for this to be paid within the next week? I have expenses for the trip which I was planning to cover with this that I cant yet. For context its around £400

I would say:
‘Hi ladies, looking forward to the hen weekend, not long to go now! Thanks to those of you who have already transferred. If you haven’t done so, please can you transfer the £20 agreed to cover brides costs by FRIDAY. Thanks all!’

Once the deadline passes, I’d message those who haven’t paid individually. ‘Hi Sarah, I haven’t received payment for brides hen. Please can you send over this weekend? Thanks’

Anymore payments? Have you tagged in a group chat? Just Sarah, Louise and Beth left to pay. Etc. Keep doing it until all have paid.

Hopefully you'll get the rest soon. If not, be explicit - "only 3 people have paid me, leaving 17+ of you who haven't yet paid which is a significant shortfall." They're all thinking it's only 20 quid, not that it is actually £400+.

Exactly this! I’ve been on some brilliant weekends away with friends for hen dos. Most of us are married now and we always say we wish we had another hen weekend to go on! I love a weekend away with friends and to me it’s not something I dread but on MN everyone seems to despise them!

Not really. Since they all booked their own travel 🙄

Oh I've seen this thread knocking about in active all day, didn't open it but assumed it was about someone keeping hens and working out the cost of feed against what they are saving in eggs. Feel quite disappointed now 😭

My friend chased money in a group recently and I thought she worded it really well.

"We are missing some money. If you haven't paid yet, please settle up to save me the embarrassment of having to chase you individually."

So I am of an age where I would say no to this kind of malarkey but wish everyone well. The fact is, everyone was in agreement in how costs will be covered and what you will do.

So just call people out now, you have asked nicely and not named names. You should not be out of pocket, time to be brazen and name whoever as in 'a,b, c etc I have not received the final payment of...., so assuming you are not taking part in (what ever activity you can exclude them from and recoup some costs). Whilst I have been happy to organise this, at no point did I sign up for funding other people.

Be brutal now, it was agreed by everyone. If it falls apart it is not your problem. It sounds harsh, but do not fall for 'but the poor bride'. At the end of the day, she is just getting married like thousands of people every month.

FFS if it's only £20 each they should have paid that long ago!!! Shame on them!!! I'm so dead against owing people money and pay next day as have been used and abused financially. Tell the lazy arse hens if they don't pay the measly £20 owing by a date and time, interest of £1 a day will be added to their bill as you've had enough now. Good luck, and DON'T ever offer to pay up front again sweetheart x

I would speak to the bride at this point, I know it's a bit awkward but it's all her friends so surely she can have a word with them or help you out here. She may say she'll just pay for herself as she won't want the awkwardness between you all and her friends being out of pocket. I've never been on a hen do when all the guests pay for the bride, especially an abroad trip! We usually just buy drinks/gifts for the bride to our own budgets.

Start a WhatsApp group with the bride added

tell everyone how out of pocket you are and explain why

Make a WhatsApp, include bride

list who has paid what:

claire paid £50
sandra paid £12
emily paid £50
carol £50

i have paid £100

please can x,yz transfer ££ to me asap

You definitely need to stress you are £400 out of pocket at the beginning of the message. Then thank the three that have paid (name them) then list the rest with the £20 owed next to their names. Reiterate this is the third time you have asked in 6 months. If the remaining money isn’t paid by Friday then you will have to explain to the bride that she will be covering the rest of her room and why.

Be direct!

Have you been paid now?

Tell them if they don’t pay by xx date, you will need to ask the bride to cover her own share.

For a minute I thought you'd bought a load of chickens and they hadn't laid any eggs yet.

It will be somewhat of a damp squib if you resort to cancelling the room you had booked for yourself and the bride! A bit of a none event for the others who attend…

I would include a list of their names, so there is no dodging it.

Yes this!

Why don't you say that you've now received £x and still need £Y so if that's not forthcoming by tomorrow you will let the bride know so she can pay her share. Thank the ones who have paid and tell them yours and their contributions will be welcome by the bride.

Then message bride:

I'm very sorry Vera we'd agreed to split your share of the hen do and me Amy Betty and Cathy have chiped in but no one else has paid up despite chasing 6 times and giving them all year to pay. Will you please pay me £y for your costs and please don't expect me to pay anything else upfront for this group as I'm tapped out.

Send a message stating all their names…
‘hi Amy, sally, Katie and Jo.
please put the money in my account by Friday. Thanks. I need it asap’

then, message them all individually. They are hiding behind each other.
contacting them personally with a call or text should wake them up

That's a good one.

I have a feeling OP wouldn't really do that....

I’d let them know that if they can’t pay, you’ll have to email the bride and ask her to pay her share as you can’t individually foot the bride’s costs yourself. I do think the bride should have paid though!!

You have to make a demand.

Dear Bridesmaids,
This may have slipped your mind, so to prompt your memory, here's a recap: I agreed to pay for the Bride's portion up front with the understanding you would each repay me with your share of the Bride's cost for the hen party in a timely manner. This has not happened yet.

Please pay by this date _ so that we will be square and ALL of us can enjoy the Hen Party without feeling used or exploited. Truthfully, I am a little upset that I even have to write this note. Please pay your portion of this debt so we can all feel good when we are together and there is no tension for the Bride.

Thank you,

Be prepared for them to be pissed at you. If they have not paid you yet then they probably won't or will do it in payments afterwards. If this occurs, you have to call the Bride and tell her that her bridesmaids have, so far, been stiffing you after agreeing to pay their share. Even after you sent them a reminder. They are her choices for bridesmaids which makes her the ultimate guarantor for their behavior for her wedding celebrations.