Hens still havent paid me back?

[MyPurpleHeart]

I'm going away on a hen trip for my cousins wedding. When we booked it I paid for the brides share up front with the agreement the hens would pay me their share back. This was 6 months ago. We are a month out and despite me asking a few times, none of the hens have paid me yet. AIBU to ask for this to be paid within the next week? I have expenses for the trip which I was planning to cover with this that I cant yet. For context its around £400

Absolutely this, its not fair that you are out of pocket when everyone agreed to pay. Maybe put an extra message that if people can not afford the extra then they should message you personally, that way you could organise a payment plan with them and they are not embarrassed about owing you money over the weekend.
However if you get total silence then I hope you follow through and completely cancel the weekend. I bet these people have the money saved to pay for their drinks and outfits so why not pay you. If the bride is upset then tell her exactly what happened and that she needs to organise something cheaper for everyone to come to either the same date or another time. Please do not take any of this as your fault xx

I’d be pissed off with them all and not even want to go now.

Agree, individual also makes them wonder if they're the only ones who haven't paid.

I honestly thought this was some sort of profit and loss summary for a hen coop.

Very helpful advice for the OP who has already made the payment. How do you propose she gets the money off people before booking, being that the booking was made 6 months ago? 🙄

I thought this was going to be about chickens going off lay

That's a rediculous amount for a hen doo

Neither a borrower nor a lender be
good advice from Shakespeare!

There are so many threads like this on MN. It doesn’t help you in your situation OP, but I do hope the abroad-hen-trip trend dies a death - it’s expensive and needless and seems to throw up lots of this sort of trouble.

I don’t think it’s OP’s fault for paying up front. It looks like everyone booked their own rooms and she is sharing with the bride. So covered the whole room to get it booked. And they all agreed to cover the bride.

Hopefully OP has sent the direct message naming and shaming and highlighting how much she is out of pocket. If they don’t pay up the bride will need to cover her half of the room and OP can explain why.

But some of us enjoy going away with friends! Not everyone thinks they are needless and a waste of money. If the people invited did think this way, they should’ve just said no and opted out.

If they can afford a weekend away, they can afford the £20. If they don’t agree with covering the brides costs, they shouldn’t have agreed to do so. It’s not on you OP for fronting the money, it’s on them for not sticking to the agreement.

It’s not on you OP for fronting the money, it’s on them for not sticking to the agreement.

Well it kind of is because you cant control what others do, you can only control yourself. So, if people are likely to be flaky about paying then you dont pay out yourself until they have paid you. Simple. That would have avoided all this stress.

You dont put yourself in a position that means you have to worry about money, nag constantly and fret and stress about it.

Maybe she didn't realise they were likely to be flaky about paying but assumed they were going to be decent about it?

Yes she obviously did but I wouldn't have let it go on 6 months. Thats ridiculous. They should have paid months ago and if they hadn't then I would have told them it was all off.

I would never front up money with these people ever again. Or actually, anyone, if you dont have the finances to cover a delay because you clearly cant rely on people to do what they say.

Oh, I agree, I would never pay for this bunch again either. I just meant she doesn't seem to have known that in advance, so wasn't clear if they were 'likely to be flaky about paying' and so didn't take steps to head that off, as you suggested she should have.
In hindsight, yes, absolutely.

What do you mean "told them it was all off"? They've all booked and paid for their own rooms, OP can't cancel them. If they don't pay up, OP’s only choices are to suck it up, or ask the Bride to pay her own costs.

Exactly that - told them if they didnt pay me then I would have to inform the bride she would have to pay and would need to explain why so she knew.

Thats not wrong - we are talking 6 months here - they're taking the absolute piss

What about .... to the whole group ...?

Thanks to those who have now paid, I'll message those who haven't individually.

That way, people will know that some have paid and it might make them step up.

That’s a good reply

Agree, just because some people feel it's not for them, then suddenly they should be done away with.

I don't go clubbing or to the races anymore, but still have friends who do and wouldn't call it needless.

Yes does sound like some don’t want to go. 6 months is way too far in advance for me - I don’t even like to book my own summer holiday that far in advance. Though I totally appreciate a hen do does need lots of notice. In reality, I would imagine most people would rather much lower key.

The other friends have already booked and paid for their own accommodation etc. It’s the brides share that the op paid for - which everyone agreed to contribute £20 to. As things stand either the op has to cover the brides share or ask the bride to if the others don’t cough up.

Poor behaviour from "hens," whole thing sounds a massive pain in the neck.

Don't agree to organise anything else with them, it's just not worth it. Hard to enjoy being with people like this.

@MyPurpleHeart message them something like

’hey everyone.. I still haven’t been paid back for brides attendance, I know it doesn’t seem a lot to you guys as you only need to transfer £20 each BUT it’s a lot to me as I’ve been out of pocket to the sum of £400 for 6 months and I really do need payments ASAP.
mid people don’t pay then sorry but you should raise it with the bride… if friends have gone back on the agreement to pay for her then she needs to pay for herself!

Too late now I know, but I think I would have asked for the £20 upfront and said I couldn’t afford to book the brides room so could everyone please transfer the £20 asap otherwise the Ben party would be missing the bride