Friend “hit(?)” my 8 year old.

[NetflixandKill1]

Help. Long time reader, first time poster.
so I am in a friendship group of 3 women. Myself, and Carrie and Nieve (names changed) We’ve been friends for a good few years. Between us there are 6 children. 5 girls, and my boy. Usually we all get along so well. Myself and my 2 friends have shared some deep things and we’ve bonded well. On the odd occasion I will feel like the outsider of the group. Carrie and Nieve tend to arrange things outside of our group chat. This hurt in the past, but I’m grown and accept that they’re just closer in general.
So, to the incident.
My child (8 M) was walking toward me and Nieve and Nieve child (8 F) launched towards him and tapped him, she he did the same back. Nieve got mad and said to my son “don’t punch my daughter otherwise I’ll punch you) he reacted quickly and replied “ok go on then” so she did. It was with a clenched fist, and a light jab on the top of his arm. This completely shocked me. I got upset and left. It couldn’t leave my mind so I ended up messaging her and telling her how I felt. I said it really upset me, and I don’t hit my own children so for another adult to do that, really hurt. She apologised for hurting my feelings, but will not apologise for what she did. She can’t see her wrong doing. She’s very impulsive, so I assumed she acted on impulse and I gave her a few days to think it over. I asked her if she had chance to think it through and her response was “no, should I have?” I’m heartbroken. She’s adamant she’s done nothing wrong. I basically told her she needed to apologise, but she has flat out refused. She spoke to another mutual friend we have who confirmed it would upset her also, but she still can’t accept it. I’m ready to walk away from this friendship. I don’t know if I’m making this bigger than it needs to be. Help. I am perfectly able to hear saw honesty. AITA

It depends on what type of force was used, extremely light or some force? Was she smiling, was it in anyway jokey or done with warmth or do you mean she hit your child in anger? If the latter, I would walk away and stay away.

Honestly, I’d block her and not be her friend again. I just don’t condone that behaviour and why would I put my child at risk / make them feel uncomfortable around her again. No thanks

Even if it was a light jab there’s no need for “punch my child and I’ll punch you” especially if she clearly saw her kid do it first

@StillTryingtoBuy So when she threatened it, her tone was sharp, stern and I could see she meant it. So for her to follow up on it, really shocked me. If it was a joke or playing around I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid. Also, a few months ago her daughter was learning to ride a bike. She was wobbly so my son simply gave a giggle and the pushed him. With some force also. He had to steady himself so as not to fall over. This hurt, but I knew from then I’d need to keep a close eye.

@Sweetcorn100 Exactly. 2 wrongs do not make a right. It was the malice and her intent that hurts also. This wasn’t a joke. She was stern.

Based on what you’ve said I’d immediately walk away, drop all content and apologise to your child for exposing him to this adult who can’t keep her temper in check. Sorry, re-reading your original post I can see you’d said she was angry responding to your child as well, before she hit him. That’s very upsetting for you all. You should really have walked away when she pushed your child before, the bike incident, and sorry if this is hard to reflect on but you need to watch out for your desire to be included and have friends (which is normal) causing you to overlook unreasonable behaviour, particularly where your child ends up hurt.

Your friend needs to grow up, what she did was unacceptable

What a ridiculous overreaction after her child actually touched your child first.

I would not want her friendship.

It was the remark as much as what she did that would concern me - it wasn’t an appropriate thing to say to a child.

Plus she must have seen her child hit yours first.

I would have nothing more to do with her tbh.

She sounds like she perhaps has an odd attitude to boys? Maybe it’s not that but her double standard with 8 yos (so not teens with any kind of strength difference) suggests that.

More appropriate would have been to tell both kids not to do the punching thing if she didn’t like it/ thought it might escalate.

The bike incident only cements that!

Thank you ladies. I feel like I’m going out of my mind and whether I’m over reacting. She’s never presenting anything like this before, also she never ever treats any of the girls this way. It just hurts.

I wouldn't be friends with anyone who thought punching a child was acceptable. Our friendship would be over and if anyone questioned it I'd be making sure they knew it's because she punched my child.

@StillTryingtoBuy I think you’re right. This happened 6 days ago so I know if she does now want to apologise, it’s because she feels like she has to, and it won’t be genuine.

@Doranottheexplorer My son went into school the following day and told his friends. Then her daughter must have reported tha back to her and she’s angry! She’s the one who’s mad!?! Am I losing my mind!

An apology is irrelevant to whether or not your child is safe when this woman is around sadly, you need to show your child that he comes before a friendship with someone who has treated him like this. Twice.

i agree wholeheartedly. Whilst my heart is heavy and sad because we’ve had some great times, I know this is the right way to go about it. 😢

Doranot (above) is right. You can’t be friends any longer. Tell her you are stepping back from this friendship, because she hit your son. The end.

She's been physical towards a child twice. Absolutely unacceptable.

It’s irrelevant because she caused upset and is still unwilling to apologise.

if you did that lightly to a friends child as a joke and the parent felt upset you would feel awful and apologise

She hit your kid with a balled fist.

Your kid is not safe around her. She physically abused him in front of you.

Her kid has also "tapped" and shoved your kid.

That friendship should be done.

I would have nuked that bitch.

Sorry OP, what a horrible thing.

It would be the end of the friendship for me. She doesn't like your child and is unkind to him, and she's escalating physically. I wouldn't let her near your boy again.

This is the thing. I would never ever even say anything like that to my friends children, let alone say it and then follow through. The kids love me. They run up to me and I spend time talking about their day at school and even bring them goodies at times. This hurts because now obviously, they’ve been told I’m upset and they won’t come to me 😢

I agree mate and I do love your brutal honesty 😆

After the first few posts I feel a lot lighter. I’ve been questioning my sanity and thought maybe my bar is set too high? But I feel my bar would have to be in the ground to accept another adult putting their hands on my child. I can’t come back from this. Even with an apology.

Did you not say "your child literally did the same thing to him first"?