Honest opinion - what do you think of parents choosing to have one child?

[ConnectThree]

We have a 7 year old DS and no fertility issues that we know of.
We have still chosen to have only one child.
I guess I’m just wondering what other parents think?

Yep.

I started out polite about comments but it didn't last very long.

But having extended family doesn't translate into having support. My mum was one of four siblings and not one of them took the slightest bit of interest in me when I chucked my husband out and was raising my daughter alone.

People assume that wider family will all provide a network but in a lot of cases it isn't true. You're just as likely to get that "network" from close friendships you've chosen yourself as from a bunch of people who you have nothing in common with but happen to be related to.

why would anybody judge your choice?

Based on my own extended family you have to be quite lucky to birth siblings who get along like friends into adulthood. DH has a sister who is 7 years older and might as well be a distant aunt. By the time he finished primary school she'd moved out to uni. My opposite-sex cousins are the same. They live 10 hours apart and see each other at weddings.

I think…. absolutely nothing tbh.

See, while I have no opinions about the number of other people's children, or indeed whether or not they have any, you would immediately strike me as incredibly small-minded and unimaginative. Do you likewise wonder about the reasons people have two? Surely that also requires a set of reasons? Ditto three or more? Six?

I guess a lot of people are looking more towards friends for a support network these days rather than aunts/cousins etc. I have loads of cousins but it wouldn't really occur to me to turn to any of them in a crisis. Tbh, I wouldn't turn to my dsis in a crisis either - we get on well enough, but she just doesn't really occupy that role in my life.

My mum was very close to one of her siblings but not the other. My dad wasn't close to any of his siblings as an adult.

I wouldn’t think anything at all about someone thinking of having just one child. To be honest, I think you might be thinking about it a bit too much.

What do you think other people might think about it? And what do you think it is that you’re actually concerned they might think?

I have aunts and uncles and cousins on both sides, loads of them, they’re all twats. One side stole a load of money from us and generally scammed their way through life, the other side abandoned me and my brothers when we were kids and mum died because they no longer saw us as part of the family. It isn’t all rainbows and kittens in lots of families.

That is one of the weirder reasons for having more than one child that I've ever come across. Maybe people who struggle to make friends need their aunts, uncles or cousins more?

Truly dont give even a tiny fuck

@MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack - "Though I was always tempted to go back with the response "oh no, we don't need to have another, luckily we managed to get it right first time."

This is brilliant, and has made me laugh out loud. I shall keep that in my back pocket for the next time it's required - thank you!

I have one child and have no intentions of having any more. I do get comments sometimes that it's selfish and he will be lonely but it's really nobodys business. The 3 of us are perfectly happy as we are.

"Couldn’t give a shiny shit!"

Or a fleck of flat-finish faeces.

Or a meagre amount of matte manure.

Or a single satin scat, or a grain of glossy guano.

I don't 'think' anything. Many reason why someone might only have one child.

I wouldn't even wonder. Your reproduction is your business.

That said, those who think relatives like siblings and cousins are built in life companions for their kids are often wrong.

I think other people's reproductive choices are their own business.

It's none of my business.

I can't have any and the queries & comments have finally stopped now I'm over 40 but there were so many comments over the years, it neber ceased to amaze me how many people think it's their business.

People should have as many or few as they would like ideally.

Now when it comes to not caring or providing for their children, that's a different issue. I'm very judgy on that!

@Untalkative - interesting point. DH is one of eight, and one of his sisters has never had a friendship outside of the family. I find that really strange and insular.

My personal experience, drawn from my children's various groups of friends, is that only children tend to be selfish, fragile, demanding, immature, hugely hungry for constant attention from children and adults alike and really struggle to share and work well in groups.

But, as with everything, there are positives too, and it's clear that with a lot of the singletons we know, the parental time and energy bestowed on them means that they're usually articulate and have a range of very well developed interests and skills.

The choice, however, is one hundred per cent yours, and absolutely nothing to do with me or anyone else.

I was never actually brave enough to use it, I'm afraid. But it would have been fun to see the expressions change!!

No thoughts at all.

Until now...

No one should be thinking or pressured into having more DC than thay want or can afford.
The old "they need a sibling" tripe isn't always true, there's nothing to say they'll get on once grown up, many do, many don't.

As you're the one looking after them do what suits your lifestyle.

@MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack - It definitely would have! But at least you were able to think it 😀

I think you can do what you want, but I do love the support that I get from my siblings with my elderly mum
That's worth thinking about

And my sons just love each other and watching them bounce about is lovely.

Mind you, a seven year age gap is probably too much to make a reasonable connection

Yes, agree with everybody else that my husband isn't only child and wishes desperately he'd had siblings to help with his parents and I suppose to share memories after they've gone