Honest opinion - what do you think of parents choosing to have one child?

[ConnectThree]

We have a 7 year old DS and no fertility issues that we know of.
We have still chosen to have only one child.
I guess I’m just wondering what other parents think?

How unfortunate that the only children in your friendship group all display such qualities. Rather surprising, too, given that the research shows that none of the negative traits that you describe are disproportionately represented in only children across the population.

Nothing. It's their choice.

My parents were both only children. My DIL and both her parents are only children. It's perfectly normal

Absolutely, it's worth thinking about.

My dd regularly says that she is grateful for having no siblings because at least she will not have anyone to resent for not pulling their weight when her dad and I are older. Sadly, having siblings is no guarantee that the burden of care will be shared, and having a sibling who chooses not to bother creates a much bigger sense of injustice than never having had a sibling to help in the first place.

I know so many people who have only one child because it was all that happened. My dearest friend would have loved a huge brood but after many, many miscarriages she has one precious child.
Others who had a very difficult first baby and couldn't face another.
Deliberately choosing one is harder to understand but who knows what lies behind it.

A lot of this has zero to do with not having siblings, sorry.

My parents are two of the most selfish people I’ve ever met and have 11 siblings between them that they have zero relationships with. My FIL is also one of the most difficult people I’ve ever encountered and he has 4 siblings.

A lot of people dislike their siblings. A lot. Most of my friends found growing up with their siblings hard, some still do now. The jealousy, the fighting for attention, not feeling good enough, oh and there’s always one child that is favourited, despite what parents say. It can actually lead to a lot of poor self esteem.

If you have good sibling relationships you are blessed and lucky. It’s not “the norm”. A lot of people find their family dynamic stressful and unpleasant, you only have to come on here at Christmas to see that. Friends are the people you choose to share your life with.

This is a textbook example of confirmation bias and people drawing conclusions to suit their agenda.

You have no way of proving that theres a correlation, let alone a causative relationship, between your biased and subjective perspective on your children’s friends and the circumstances of their conception or their family setup.

But still you choose to share these unscientific opinions. Ah well. Apparently there are still people out there who disapprove of families making fertility decisions based on their choice as opposed to society’s opinion.

Is it?

because that isn't guaranteed. Not all siblings can or will help out.

In this day and age - it’s probably wise.

I don’t feel any different towards them than parents who have four or more, it’s each couple’s decision, no one else’s

I would think it's none of my business, but well done on accepting what is right for you as a family and what you can afford...

Compared to my neighbour's daughter who is mid twenty's and about to have baby number 4 and the attitude is everyone else (tax payer) will pay for her children!

I wish my parents had stopped at one.

I'd have preferred to be an only child personally.

I’m 35 now and still wish I’d had a sibling. It doesn’t impact my life it just would have been nice, but that’s me… people are different. I don’t think anything of people who stop at 1, I’m sure there’s plenty of benefits to being an only child.

I am one 🤷‍♀️. The only judgement I’d have is that it must be cheaper/easier than having 2+ when it comes to clubs/christmas/clothes etc which I guess is a positive judgement. But mostly I don’t think about it at all.

I think nothing of it, it's completely their business.

"Only child" is not a personality trait, its a family size. You may get only children who are lonely and selfish and self centred. Equally you get people with siblings who have that exact qualities too.

I have two siblings. They have never provided me with a sense of companionship or support and they'd be as much use as a chocolate teapot if I had any lonlieness needing allievated. I also work in elderly social support and siblings are NO GUARANTEE of support. Honestly I come across more families where it is left to one sibling and they've all fallen out than families where they all worn harmoniously together to support each other.

Not a thing. Why would I care?

I can't judge because I didn't have any - I'm single with no kids. I think for me all it does is make me wish my mum and dad had more than me and my brother. My mum died when I was 23, my dad when I was 34, and my brother when I was 47 and he was 45. I don't have anyone to go over family memories with, and I miss that much more than I ever envisaged, so I sometimes wonder whether it would be the same for only children? But I'd never judge someone for how many kids they do or don't have - it's all personal choice.

I'm really grateful for my siblings and that was part of my drive to have three.

I was the oldest and my db didn't come along until I was six and I remember the sheer relief of being able to step out of the glare of being the only child and of the undivided attention of parents and grandparents.

But I have enough insight to know that that isn't a universal experience and I'm also entirely disinterested in how many kids other people have.

I struggle to think of any adult that is closer to their cousins than their friends. Even my parents who had at least 30 cousins each, never kept in contact with them!

What a ridiculous thing for anyone to judge!

LITERALLY nobody's business.

I'm one of four. My siblings and I aren't close, don't talk (not fallen out just aren't close enough for a catch up!) and never spend time together.

You can spend your adult years wishing you had a sibling but that doesn't mean you would have liked them or they would have liked you.

As an only child, my honest opinion of people who choose to only have one (barring medical or fertility issues) seem to do it for themselves and the experience of “having a child”. They don’t seem to like parenting very much and they just have the one so it’s easier to fit into their lifestyle.

I’m fully aware that as a childless person I have no clue what it’s like though and could well change my mind after having one, But currently I would rather foster or get a dog than just have one.

I would want 2/3 so they can make proper childhood memories together and learn from each other as they grow up instead of more clarinet lessons or whatever for just the one.

Same. None of business and entirely up to the couple involved if and how many children they have.

I would think they are either happy with one or they wanted more and it didn’t work out for them. I wouldn’t ask or think about it for more than a fleeting moment.