Honest opinion - what do you think of parents choosing to have one child?

[ConnectThree]

We have a 7 year old DS and no fertility issues that we know of.
We have still chosen to have only one child.
I guess I’m just wondering what other parents think?

I have one child and it's never occurred to me to wonder what other parents think, it's none of their business.

Absolutely no one else's business, what anyone else decides. I am an only child (my Mum had pre-eclampsia and I was born 11 weeks premature) and my son is an only child (rough birth and I wasn't prepared to go through it again). People have to do what's right for them and their family.

Think it’s better to parent one child well than stretch yourself to parent more than you can manage / afford

I think it's non of my business.

It is actually not judgement, there is always a reason why there is no second child. It is testing myself what I know about the person and more importantly what impression the person gives (I personally don't really care about their reasons). So based on OP's thread I would guess the reason is 'perfectionism' with a bit of 'disposable income' reason.

I have one child not by choice. My son is 10 now and I have slowly come to terms with it but comments I see about how amazing siblings are etc can still sting.

It's interesting to consider the wider sociological effects of having a society with such a high proportion of only children.

We are also placing an enormous burden on them in terms of how to care for such a huge and aging population. Doesn't seem fair.

Ideally I think it's better generally to have a sibling/siblings...my parents died young and I would have been absolutely lost if I'd been an only child.

Having said that, I don't particularly judge or give any headspace to this. Lots of things in life are less than ideal...but life is complicated and I know people have their perfectly valid reasons

What do you think about me having two children? Actually don't answer because I don't care. Each to their own.

And again, you have no need to feel sad for the parents of only children. You're right, of course, that we don't get to watch our dc interacting with one another, but we get to enjoy a different type of parent-child relationship that parents of more than one child are unlikely to experience.

I had an only child because of secondary infertility and miscarriage. I worried a lot in the early days because of people like you repeatedly saying how "sad" it was for dd. It was only as she grew older - and indeed as I reflected on my own experience of having a sibling - that I gradually became aware of the many, many advantages to being an only child, to the extent that I'm actually very glad now that I could only have one.

If you are happy with your three children, that's fantastic. No judgement from me at all with regard to the choices that you have made for your own family. But please save your pity for people who actually need it, because the assumptions that you're making about only children families are pretty ignorant and potentially hurtful to some people.

Brave

I hope that you didn’t have any of the unsolicited comments that I had when we only had one and thought we were only having one. The colleague who told me I was cruel was especially bad.

Otherthan that I don’t care.

I literally think nothing.

But if people are wondering and pondering - then that says more about them and their lack of critical thinking!

@HHHMMM

It is actually not judgement, there is always a reason why there is no second child.

Why does there have to be a "reason" why there is no second child? Isn't it possible that some people don't want more than one? It may have been the default 50 years ago to have multiple children. I don't think it is today.

I never wanted more than one child. As it happened, my marriage broke down when my DD was three, so the opportunity didn't present itself after that. But I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have had another even if I'd had the choice.

I think I'm awesome and i have one child.
Couldn't care less about others choices.

Got fairly old in the nursery years being asked when I'm going to have another but this may have been the frustration of never being able to think of a comeback that wasn't rude.
Relieved now he's mid primary those comments seem to have stopped.
Irritating the ask came from women of a certain age and next to none of them were family.

OP has someone been expressing a view? If they have then a hearty "fuck off" normally sorts such rude people.

I think parents should have the number of children they want provided they can support them all. If that’s one then that’s great. No judgement here.

Also if people are judging you for having one child then that shows and proves how boring their own lives are. 🤣

@ConnectThree I actually thought the main reason for 'one and done' was due to finances until I was on a 'one and done' forum and not one person mentioned finances as the reason, they spoke only of how difficult parenting is - whilst working too - and would never dream of doing it again.

In fact, I thought I was 'one and done' for that reason too, but a surprise pregnancy changed that. It was a lovely surprise though. A third most definitely wouldn't have been though!

So, I suppose, I would just be curious as to the reason for 'one and done' but also very much know that it's clearly none of my business so I'd never ask.

why did you try and avoid the rude comebacks?

I'm an only with an only so I generally assume everyone else is too - for the very small amount I care, I'm more slightly surprised to hear about a sibling than that someone is an only (and I'm actually surprised if they have more than one sibling - more than two kids is very rare in my circle).

If you do have an only child it means your potential grandchildren will have no aunts uncles or cousins on at least one side of their family. I do wonder how future generations like this will fare in terms of not having wider family and a larger support network. This is not so much a judgement more a musing about our changing society

I found a breezy "actually, I miscarried her sibling" would usually shut people up sitting during that phase, and make them wish that they hadn't asked.

Though I was always tempted to go back with the response "oh no, we don't need to have another, luckily we managed to get it right first time."

im going to get flamed here but since you asked being deliberately one and done isn’t something I’d choose for my own child no - am I bit judgy - yeah probably deep down inside I am but I’m sure lots of you would judge me having more than one child (more than 2 in fact) But we don’t make decisions in life based on what others think about us and ultimately you have to make peace with the decisions you make for yourself and your child(ren).

If I'm brutally honest about it, and please don't judge me for this, because I'm just trying to answer your question, but what I think is that parents choosing to have only one child are parents who are choosing to have only one child.