Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum keeping whole of grandmother’s inheritance

312 replies

Virgoschild · 09/03/2026 14:59

My maternal grandmother passed around 4 years ago without a will. My mum was dealing with the estate and tbh the passing is still very raw for her.

It was clear that proceeds of my grandmothers property would be split between her daughters (my mum and aunty) and there was going to be about £15k misc assets/cash which was promised (by my mum and aunty) to be split between all the ‘grandchildren’ I.e. me, my brother and 2 cousins. we’d get about £4k each.

Anyway, these assets were valued and came in at £100k (not £15k!). These have been sold and my mum and aunty have kept the proceeds. Grandchildren have received nothing and it does not appear that we will be receiving anything. There has been no further conversation about this. No acknowledgment of what was promised or any increase discussed.

Instead, my mum has mentioned ‘treating’ us now and again. Paying for a meal out or getting us gifts such as jewellery. For context, these gifts arent expensive or frequent and there is absolutely no indication that she’ll be gifting us stuff to the value of the above btw.

My mum is financially stable. No mortgage, recently retired, decent pension, my dad still works. My aunty is in a similar position. The inheritance hasn’t really made a significant impact on their lives.

A large lump sum could really change all our lives. It could go towards a deposit for a house or pay privately for an operation that my brother is on a NHS waiting list for - tbf more cosmetic than health related. So when we were told about the increase in value we all got really excited thinking what this means to us all.

I feel angry that my mum didn’t follow through on this. Coupled with the fact that we haven’t been gifted anything of meaning from my grandmothers possessions I am feeling somewhat resentful.

I don’t feel like I can raise it with my mum either without looking like an awful money grabbing daughter. I feel like the conversation just wouldn’t go well, especially as my mum is still so upset by the death.

So AIBU? Also if anyone has any insight which might help me understand my mums position, I’d appreciate it.

OP posts:
Superhansrantowindsor · 09/03/2026 18:15

It would be nice for your mum to give you something but ultimately it’s her money. Never, ever expect an inheritance.

YerArseInParsley · 09/03/2026 18:15

Virgoschild · 09/03/2026 14:59

My maternal grandmother passed around 4 years ago without a will. My mum was dealing with the estate and tbh the passing is still very raw for her.

It was clear that proceeds of my grandmothers property would be split between her daughters (my mum and aunty) and there was going to be about £15k misc assets/cash which was promised (by my mum and aunty) to be split between all the ‘grandchildren’ I.e. me, my brother and 2 cousins. we’d get about £4k each.

Anyway, these assets were valued and came in at £100k (not £15k!). These have been sold and my mum and aunty have kept the proceeds. Grandchildren have received nothing and it does not appear that we will be receiving anything. There has been no further conversation about this. No acknowledgment of what was promised or any increase discussed.

Instead, my mum has mentioned ‘treating’ us now and again. Paying for a meal out or getting us gifts such as jewellery. For context, these gifts arent expensive or frequent and there is absolutely no indication that she’ll be gifting us stuff to the value of the above btw.

My mum is financially stable. No mortgage, recently retired, decent pension, my dad still works. My aunty is in a similar position. The inheritance hasn’t really made a significant impact on their lives.

A large lump sum could really change all our lives. It could go towards a deposit for a house or pay privately for an operation that my brother is on a NHS waiting list for - tbf more cosmetic than health related. So when we were told about the increase in value we all got really excited thinking what this means to us all.

I feel angry that my mum didn’t follow through on this. Coupled with the fact that we haven’t been gifted anything of meaning from my grandmothers possessions I am feeling somewhat resentful.

I don’t feel like I can raise it with my mum either without looking like an awful money grabbing daughter. I feel like the conversation just wouldn’t go well, especially as my mum is still so upset by the death.

So AIBU? Also if anyone has any insight which might help me understand my mums position, I’d appreciate it.

Why didn't you bring it up wjen your mum mentioned treating you now and again? That was your opportunity.

It's been 4 years, id ask about it. You don't need to be confrontational, just ask why you didn't receive the money she promised you.

GnomeDePlume · 09/03/2026 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DM promised then went back on her promise. OP is trying to understand why.

Nothing grabby or entitled about that.

LadeOde · 09/03/2026 18:19

EnfysPreseli · 09/03/2026 16:20

I think it's very unfortunate that the OP's mother made that promise before she knew whether she would definitely be keeping it. I do have some sympathy for her though and think that financial insecurity can become more of a worry in retirement.

I had an inheritance nearly a decade ago and made the decision to pass nearly half of it on to my children straight away because they were at a stage of life where it would be very useful for them. I was still working and had no anxieties about doing this.

I'm likely to receive another inheritance sometime in the future, but my feelings about passing it on have gradually changed. I'm now retired and not being able to earn additional cash if it's ever needed due to major problems with the house or some other emergency. This will probably make me want to hang onto it more. I think in my case I would probably make gifts to my children and grandchildren in line with the HMRC limits every year, even if I don't feel confident enough to pass on a lump sum.

I think OP needs to talk to her mother about what her plans are for the money. I think disappointment is understandable, but the bitterness is unreasonable because there was never any obligation to pass on any money under the law.

Why is it any of OP's business what her mum's plan's are for the money?

Sgreenpy · 09/03/2026 18:19

You can check the details of probate (if there was a will) for your grandma if you know her full name, date of birth/death and place of death.
It costs a small fee to see what her estate was valued at and what happened to the funds.
You are really entitled to nothing if a will wasn't lodged with a solicitor.
I guess as PP have mentioned why not just gather your cousins and ask for £4k each as was promised? x

thepariscrimefiles · 09/03/2026 18:20

Firtreefiona · 09/03/2026 15:07

Why not? If there was no will then they have acted in accordance with the law. Why should they act on what the grandmother may or may not have declared that her wishes were? OP should concentrate on building her own life using her own means. I do find her attitude grabby.

Show quote history

OP's mum and aunt both originally promised that that OP, her brother and her two cousins would receive an equal split of £15,000 from some miscellaneous items and cash so about £4k each. Now that these assets have been valued at £100k rather than £15k, OP's mum and aunt are keeping the lot despite their earlier promise to their children.

They seem more grabby than OP.

juless77 · 09/03/2026 18:22

Bimblebombles · 09/03/2026 15:03

Are you 100% sure there was no will? You can find them online.

Can you I never knew that ??

MargaretThursday · 09/03/2026 18:23

I suspect in a lot of these "I was promised" cases it's down to a mismatch between what one intended to say and what the other heard.
Mum says "when we've sold the assets, then you'll get something to remember grandma too"
Meaning I'll use some of it to treat you.
What's heard is "we will divide it between you kids and give you the money"

No bad intentions on either side, just one side not being clear and the other side assuming.

WimbyAce · 09/03/2026 18:24

What are your brother and cousins saying, were they all under the understanding that they were getting a share? The only thing that you can do is ask what has changed.

StevieNic · 09/03/2026 18:28

I’d be really annoyed that they promised something and then changed their minds. Are you sure your cousins haven’t had anything but kept it quiet.

My Mum inherited 250k from
her parents and gave nothing to her children, pissed it all away whilst refusing to work so there won’t be anything when she passes either.

PigletJohn · 09/03/2026 18:28

What country are you in? In UK you can get a copy of the probate and, if there is one, the will.

anyolddinosaur · 09/03/2026 18:30

No-one can know why your mother changed her mind - unless you ask her. Possibilities might include the inheritance tax and the costs of probate/ the funeral/ selling the property were all more than expected or she may have seen that you were being grabby and expecting more than the 4k she had initially suggested giving you.

Have you saved anything towards a deposit on a property? If so you could ask her if she'd be willing to help you out with the deposit or purchase costs. If not she may feel anything that goes to you would be frittered away. You could also mention your brother would benefit from his medical procedure.

PigletJohn · 09/03/2026 18:31

juless77 · 09/03/2026 18:22

Can you I never knew that ??

Show quote history

This is for England and Wales.

https://www.gov.uk/search-will-probate

This is for Scotland.

https://www.ros.gov.uk/services/order-deeds/wills

canisquaeso · 09/03/2026 18:31

GnomeDePlume · 09/03/2026 17:04

From experience of this sort of family nonesense, the 'promiser' liked the warm fuzzy feeling they got from making the promise but when it actually came to handing over the cash they didnt want to lose the control.

Doling out little pointless gifts allows them to continue the warm fuzzy feelings.

I agree, I’ve seen it happen enough times now that unless there is a will, I don’t take seriously anything anyone says.

I’ve seen it happen recently in my family, a grandfather was always yapping about how everything would go straight to his grandchildren because of how close they were and how it would make sense to go to the younger ones. He even did a will!

… and then it all went to his children who visited him like once a year lol.

Pessismistic · 09/03/2026 18:32

Op why not just ask your dm outright if she judges you then just say you did offer us some of the 15k and db really want his procedure. Op if anyone is greedy it’s her and her sister they got a lot more than they expected it wouldn’t have hurt to give the 4 of you what they suggested. What are the other 3 thinking.

redboxer321 · 09/03/2026 18:37

Mangelwurzelfortea · 09/03/2026 17:10

Haven't read all the posts but am sure you'll be told you're 'grabby' by a number of posters.

I don't think you are. I've been on the receiving end of financial promises from my family that have never materialised and it's really upsetting. My sister has had endless handouts from my parents, who've always said they'll make it fair in the end, now it turns out they're doing no such thing. It's their money to do with as they want, but don't make promises you're not going to keep. They've got a history of doing this anyway. Said when I was at university that they'd give me enough money that I wouldn't get into debt. They gave me no money until the third year, when I got really ill and they pretty much had to. I've never asked them for a penny but this idea of an 'inheritance' has been lorded over me my whole life and now it turns out there probably isn't one. Ah well.

Anyway, families can really suck. But I don't know yours and they might not be like mine at all - is there any chance your mum just can't deal with this right now, and will make good on her promises once she's not reeling from grief any more?

Well said.
And well done OP for not coming back. There's some pretty shitty responses on here.

Every other species on this planet gets along fine with using money. Apart from us. Perhaps Trump and his pals have got the right idea; they seem to be doing their best to end the human race.

springawakeningss · 09/03/2026 18:39

If there's no will, it's not your money

Bulldog02 · 09/03/2026 18:40

I am really empathize with you.As your mother did not really need her inheritance,it's not nice to be mean to her Children!
To my mind it's not about greed,but why not help the future generations if they could use some financial help.When my Nan died, I was not told how much my nan had left to any relative.I was only told I would receive £400.00 to buy a cooker.My mother took our son to center parks,but not her granddaughter. She also purchased our son aged 18 ish a motor bike.Her Husband,my step farther,got a new Van. It's hurtful. I was her only daughter,it made me feel awful.We were never close,but this behaviour of my mother's caused even more distance.Hence I did not attend her funeral.If I was in your situation now, I would not give your mother the benefit of her knowing you are upset by this behaviour,which to my mind is intentional! The silence you give her will have more effect, than letting her know how you feel! I believe in Karma!

GeishaTrumpet · 09/03/2026 18:42

Virgoschild · 09/03/2026 14:59

My maternal grandmother passed around 4 years ago without a will. My mum was dealing with the estate and tbh the passing is still very raw for her.

It was clear that proceeds of my grandmothers property would be split between her daughters (my mum and aunty) and there was going to be about £15k misc assets/cash which was promised (by my mum and aunty) to be split between all the ‘grandchildren’ I.e. me, my brother and 2 cousins. we’d get about £4k each.

Anyway, these assets were valued and came in at £100k (not £15k!). These have been sold and my mum and aunty have kept the proceeds. Grandchildren have received nothing and it does not appear that we will be receiving anything. There has been no further conversation about this. No acknowledgment of what was promised or any increase discussed.

Instead, my mum has mentioned ‘treating’ us now and again. Paying for a meal out or getting us gifts such as jewellery. For context, these gifts arent expensive or frequent and there is absolutely no indication that she’ll be gifting us stuff to the value of the above btw.

My mum is financially stable. No mortgage, recently retired, decent pension, my dad still works. My aunty is in a similar position. The inheritance hasn’t really made a significant impact on their lives.

A large lump sum could really change all our lives. It could go towards a deposit for a house or pay privately for an operation that my brother is on a NHS waiting list for - tbf more cosmetic than health related. So when we were told about the increase in value we all got really excited thinking what this means to us all.

I feel angry that my mum didn’t follow through on this. Coupled with the fact that we haven’t been gifted anything of meaning from my grandmothers possessions I am feeling somewhat resentful.

I don’t feel like I can raise it with my mum either without looking like an awful money grabbing daughter. I feel like the conversation just wouldn’t go well, especially as my mum is still so upset by the death.

So AIBU? Also if anyone has any insight which might help me understand my mums position, I’d appreciate it.

If there’s no will then your mum and her siblings may do what they see fit with the proceeds.

juless77 · 09/03/2026 18:43

PigletJohn · 09/03/2026 18:31

Edited
Show quote history

Thankyou for that

SALaw · 09/03/2026 18:44

I think that’s pretty normal, especially when there’s not a huge estate. Neither my husband nor I received anything when any grandparent died. Inheritance usually goes to the next generation.

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 09/03/2026 18:44

yabu and grabby. No one is owed inheritance and if your granny wanted you to have it she’d have left a will. Your “getting excited” is very telling, what someone says and what another interpreted is often different.

Isthateveryonethen · 09/03/2026 18:52

ChangeAgainAgainAgain · 09/03/2026 15:22

If there's no will, you're entitled to nothing. The rules of intestancy split the funds between your Mum and Aunt. It is their money.

Stop being so grabby. The money is not yours. If gran had wanted you to have it, she'd have written a will and left it to you.

This, quite shameful to be so grabby.

Tink3rbell30 · 09/03/2026 18:58

Getting excited over thinking you can money grab a lot more money than expected.. 😳

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/03/2026 18:59

YANBU

Its not grabby to be told that you are getting a share from the sale of an item and to expect to receive it. Its shitty for them to offer something when they thought it was relatively low vaule and then keep it on finding out it is worth more.

That it is legal (if @Virgoschild and her cousins are not named in the will) doesnt stop it being immoral. They were promised something and then it was taken away when it turned out to be worth more than the mother and aunty thought.