DH not making dinner when I was out until 6 pm..

[meorhimU]

yesterday I had a sports event to attend that ran from 1 pm until 6ish. My DH knew about it and was at home with our kids, 4 and 6.

the kids ate at around 12-12:30, I made lunch before I left.

when I got back, he’d made no dinner and complained about being hungry and @ what are we going to eat. I hurt myself doing sports and was limping quite badly.

I defrosted some steaks and made dinner, limping around in pain. While he did some admin on his laptop. He then complained I hadn’t take the bins out all week ( not true, they’d just filled up again over the weekend ).

I said, I thought it was really not great that he didn’t even think to make dinner- waited for me to get home and knew I was in pain, limiting, yet still didn’t help me or offer to make dinner. He said he didn’t realise I was in so much pain..

my DD who is 6 perked up and heard me and later called him lazy for not helping mummy when he knew I was in pain. All I wanted to do is just sit down and put my feet up, my body was sore wrecked after all the exercise and the injury. He could see I wasn’t walking well at all.

he was annoyed that my daughter pulled him up on it too and essentially blamed me for telling him off about it. It’s just common decency he should have made dinner and also even if he hadn’t made it yet by the time I got home, he should have taken care of it- seeing I was in pain.

I didn’t tell him to do it because I felt guilty that I left him alone with the kids all afternoon and felt like I had to do it. But I also know if I had asked him to do it, he would have been annoyed.

Why does he see all these as your jobs? What does he actually do?

He was annoyed either way. I wouldn't have made dinner.

I don't see why you didn't arrange what he was doing about dinner before you set off.

He didn't know that you were going to injure yourself at the event. While he should have been more thoughtful when you got home I don't think it's fair to involve your daughter in your disagreement.

Sounds like communication issues.

Why should I have arranged it ? He was home so he should have done it. When he’s out and I’m home, he doesn’t arrange for me to do dinner. The person who’s home, should do it, without being asked.

i didn’t involve her, she heard me telling him that I wasn’t impressed. That’s different to involving her.

This. If you usually cook and want to eat at 6 it might be an idea to spell it out. I'm not back til 6 can you make xyz at 530?

You are being unreasonable for not saying "FGS you knew i was going to be out so why didn't you take care of the household stuff" when he knew you were out.

I would not have been doing any of that. Even if my foot was perfectly fine. (but then my DH isn't a lazy arse and would have done the bins and had dinner ready)

ETA: I'm not sure it is great that your DD said that, tbh.

The sports injury doesn't make any difference though? Whoever is home with the kids at tea time should feed them.

I don’t know - I think if a man had disappeared on a Sunday for six hours to do a hobby, leaving his partner home with the kids, he’d be told to have prepped dinner before he left or cook something easy with he got home.

He sounds like a selfish useless prick. When he complained about being hungry I’d have asked him what he is planning to make for dinner.

if you continue doing all the jobs, he will continue seeing them as your jobs. Stop doing everything.

I suppose the counter argument is you went out all weekend afternoon to do something fun whilst he looked after the children

that said, I think it’s just one of those things. I’m sure everyone has had similar arguments

defrosting steaks must’ve taken ages. We would’ve got a take away of had pasta or beans on toast

I’m sorry but I think you are the problem here too. You are stepping in and parenting him and children. You should not of made dinner, and let me be a father to his children and feed them.

Well if he’d gone out, I would have just made dinner for my family. That’s what you do. How can you expect the person who was out to do it ? They’re not there.

Well by actually making dinner you have proved that you will do your job when he manages you properly

too late now but you should have sat down, said I’m hurt and does he need you to make a map of the kitchen or dig out the cooler instructions

I would have told him to cook instead of limping around.

You've played into his hands by cooking when you got home. Next time, park your arse on the sofa and stay there.

Yeah absolutely. I should have got a takeaway. That would have been the best option really, but he’d have also been annoyed about that.

I’m surprised you cooked despite coming home injured. Does he ever cook?

You fixed it all though. Why?

I agree with you that he should have fed his children at the usual time and that shouldn't need arranging. But fixing it all when you got home has not helped. Now it's been cemented as your job!

I know. It wasn’t right, but at least I told him that I wasn’t impressed not impressed at all.

Do you really have to ask? Have you become so conditioned to serving him you can’t see this is not a fair or healthy dynamic? He needs telling to prepare a meal? This is not a communication issue, it’s an expectation one. He expects you to manage meal times, whether you’re home or hurt or not. Why limp round doing it. There was a similar post yesterday, where an insightful poster described the OP as a ‘sniffling Cinderella’ - maybe read some of those responses. I’m sorry you’ve found yourself married to an entitled and useless partner. Please put some firm boundaries in place now - he may well be a lovely man with no idea this is totally unacceptable.

Oh yes, men can't possibly cook in your absence unless you've specifically asked them, told them what time and what to cook 🙄. Is he always fucking useless?

You should not get a takeawy

there was another adult who could therefore have
cooked

gettubg a takeaway also would enable his feebleness / mysogentic role boundaries

Agree with this it is Mumsnet double standards!

If your DC usually eat before 6 I would have hoped DH would feed them but not expect him to make dinner for all of us.

This is what Domino’s is for!

Sorry you had a rough evening after picking up an injury. When we have expectations of somebody, it’s usually best to express them to avoid misunderstandings like this, but he could have been kinder (even if he hadn’t thought to cook dinner!)