DH not making dinner when I was out until 6 pm..

[meorhimU]

yesterday I had a sports event to attend that ran from 1 pm until 6ish. My DH knew about it and was at home with our kids, 4 and 6.

the kids ate at around 12-12:30, I made lunch before I left.

when I got back, he’d made no dinner and complained about being hungry and @ what are we going to eat. I hurt myself doing sports and was limping quite badly.

I defrosted some steaks and made dinner, limping around in pain. While he did some admin on his laptop. He then complained I hadn’t take the bins out all week ( not true, they’d just filled up again over the weekend ).

I said, I thought it was really not great that he didn’t even think to make dinner- waited for me to get home and knew I was in pain, limiting, yet still didn’t help me or offer to make dinner. He said he didn’t realise I was in so much pain..

my DD who is 6 perked up and heard me and later called him lazy for not helping mummy when he knew I was in pain. All I wanted to do is just sit down and put my feet up, my body was sore wrecked after all the exercise and the injury. He could see I wasn’t walking well at all.

he was annoyed that my daughter pulled him up on it too and essentially blamed me for telling him off about it. It’s just common decency he should have made dinner and also even if he hadn’t made it yet by the time I got home, he should have taken care of it- seeing I was in pain.

I didn’t tell him to do it because I felt guilty that I left him alone with the kids all afternoon and felt like I had to do it. But I also know if I had asked him to do it, he would have been annoyed.

Another one of these. I can’t imagine coming home to a capable adult whining that they were hungry and what are we going to eat, when there’s food in the house. It’s so repulsive.

He sees you as inferior to him. Or that's how he treats you. Keep doing stuff and nothing will change. Only you know if you want to live with someone who has such attitudes

i guess it depends what is usual in your situation

Why would he, if his partner was at home with the kids?

In normal households, she would make the family dinner in those circumstances.

I think you need to go to a and e. Or if you have one near you, and urgent care centre? There’s one near us and they’re a bit quicker for seeing all DS’s various injuries - they have an x ray machine.

Why should she arrange with her husband what he was doing for dinner? It really doesn’t take much initiative for him to put some fish fingers in the oven before OP got home.

Jesus why should she have to be his other brain? He knows what time the kids eat, he knows she's not around at that time today, she shouldn't need to spoon feed him or be his to do list!

some sort of communication would have sorted this
i am going out
please cook

He hadn't even fed the kids? I would have been really cross and told him to get something sorted ASAP.

I think the fact that you hobbled about cooking after he couldn't be bothered points to deeper issues in your relationship. Are you scared of his moods?

I defrosted some steaks and made dinner, limping around in pain.

Why? I’d have just said “you need to do dinner tonight”.

Also why bother defrosting steaks at 6pm, me or DH would have done something quick and easy at that time.

I put YABU because you still fixed the problem when you should have just asked why he hadn’t made dinner. Why on earth should you feel guilty? They’re his bloody kids and you are allowed out now and again!

So dinner is your job, except on the random occasions you're out and he decides he will rustle up something. Putting the bins out is your job. What does he do? Is being moody his full time occupation?

Also why bother defrosting steaks at 6pm, me or DH would have done something quick and easy at that time.
Yes, because that's the point 🙄

When he asked what was for dinner because he was hungry, I’d have said, ‘No idea. Whatever you decide to cook’. Then I’d have sat down.

So he does very little but is constantly moody and unhappy so you are constantly attempting to make him feel better by doing it all.

He's a dick.

Why should you feel guilty about leaving a Dad alone with his own kids ? This Manchild needs a swift kick in the nuts.

Of course it’s the point. The OP feels duty bound to make a proper dinner limping around defrosting steaks whereas her DH could have just made some beans on toast.

If it wasn’t relevant, why did the OP even mention it?

He is a grown adult supposedly with a brain, he can think for himself, his wife is not his mother. Stop enabling men to be children.

I’m annoyed that you keep going on about the limping like that’s the reason your husband should have made your kids dinner

No. He should have made them dinner and taken the bins out himself because he’s also a parent and also lives in that house.

Stop justifying it over a limp. I wouldn’t accept his shitty behaviour even if I was prancing around like an athlete not injured

It shouldn’t have been the case that he didn’t cook dinner or empty the bins because he didn’t know OP was going to injure herself. He was home with the kids, and he should’ve been doing the things that women do as routine in these situations. Presumably he knew OP wouldn’t be back until six so why didn’t he get his arse in gear and organise dinner ? Similarly, if he mentioned the bin situation to OP he clearly knew they needed emptying - why did he wait to complain to her, instead of doing it himself?

Does having a penis somehow prevent him from dealing with whatever needs doing while he’s in charge ?

Yabu for not just sitting down as soon as you got in and just asking him to do it once you'd noticed he'd 'forgotten'

I have voted you are unreasonable as it should have been agreed before you left that he was responsible for sorting out dinner. You made lunch, therefore he should have organised something for dinner as you were out.

You shouldn’t have made dinner (injury or not), and when he complained about being hungry, you could have asked him then what he was making and told him that you needed to sit down as you were injured.

He doesn’t sound very pleasant. It’s unfair that you are the default for everything, but that will not change unless you have a discussion to address it and ensure he pulls his weight.

Why haven’t you told him that living with him is unbearable because he’s such a grumpy fuck and that if he doesn’t grow up, slap a smile on his face and do his fair share you’ll leave him because raising two children with his mardy arse is not an enjoyable experience and you want a happy household for you and your DC?

If he’s depressed he needs to do something about it; exercise, improve his diet, get some vitamin D, speak to his GP, get counselling.

But if he’s just being an arsehole he can do that alone and you and the kids will live without him.

Its absolutely relevant though, part of OP’s misery is her DH’s behaviour and part is her own behaviour.
Who starts defrosting and cooking steaks while claiming to be in agony?
If someone else was minding the kids and she came home to make dinner for them on her own would she be making steaks or putting some pasta on?
She makes a big elaborate show, thinking she is making some sort of point to her DH but she’s not and she’s the only one suffering from her actions.

You sounded judgemental about what was being cooked, is what I meant. They'd decided (and he did know) what was going to be made for dinner that night, for whatever reason. He just dodged the actual thinking about and making it.