DH not making dinner when I was out until 6 pm..

[meorhimU]

yesterday I had a sports event to attend that ran from 1 pm until 6ish. My DH knew about it and was at home with our kids, 4 and 6.

the kids ate at around 12-12:30, I made lunch before I left.

when I got back, he’d made no dinner and complained about being hungry and @ what are we going to eat. I hurt myself doing sports and was limping quite badly.

I defrosted some steaks and made dinner, limping around in pain. While he did some admin on his laptop. He then complained I hadn’t take the bins out all week ( not true, they’d just filled up again over the weekend ).

I said, I thought it was really not great that he didn’t even think to make dinner- waited for me to get home and knew I was in pain, limiting, yet still didn’t help me or offer to make dinner. He said he didn’t realise I was in so much pain..

my DD who is 6 perked up and heard me and later called him lazy for not helping mummy when he knew I was in pain. All I wanted to do is just sit down and put my feet up, my body was sore wrecked after all the exercise and the injury. He could see I wasn’t walking well at all.

he was annoyed that my daughter pulled him up on it too and essentially blamed me for telling him off about it. It’s just common decency he should have made dinner and also even if he hadn’t made it yet by the time I got home, he should have taken care of it- seeing I was in pain.

I didn’t tell him to do it because I felt guilty that I left him alone with the kids all afternoon and felt like I had to do it. But I also know if I had asked him to do it, he would have been annoyed.

Because a lot of them parent their partners and expect all women to do so.

I think YABU because you’re not telling him clearly what you need him to do.

God lord….

He should have cooked, end of.

We didn't need to hear about poor OP and her injury, that had nothing to do with the reason for her DH not cooking. He clearly sees it as her job. The fact that she also came home injured and he still didn't cook, just reinforces that he's a prick!

Now that she know's he's no intention on pulling his weight when it comes to feeding the kids, then she'll just have to soldier-on with her responsibilities even if injured from the sports she chooses to do.

And if this is the case, I revert back to my original statement, it sounds like she's in a terrible relationship. If this is how he is all the time, then OP should LTB!

Would you rather I just considered you not worth talking to? In which case why are you still here? 😆

Not what I said. Please read my subsequent post.

💯

The comment telling OP she needed to make dinner ahead of time next time and he only had to put it in the oven “so he had no excuse” was peak …. No excuse for what??! It’s still him doing nothings.

Why should I not take a different view on this to you? A person I have never met has described one incident involving her and her husband, who I have also never met, misunderstanding who was going to be cooking that night. OP is clearly horrified at the way some people are characterising him (useless/abusive) and has given a lot of context about their overall relationship which I don't think gives rise to an assumption that he wouldn't be open to thinking of ways to avoid similar issues in future. I might be wrong, sure, but I don't think it's stupid to think there might be productive ways of making things better.

111 don't normally encourage people to go to a and e unless its needed (in my experience anyway) so go get your foot looked at.

You need to tell him in a non emotive way what you expect him to do.

I'm going to be out all day... so please take care of dinner
"What even is there"
Have a look in the fridge/go to the shops/use your imagination.

When he started moaning that he's hungry you should have picked him up on that immediately. You need to communicate better...

He sounds like he would have been annoyed whatever you said about dinner, wasn't bothered about your injury etc... so its no skin off your nose to tell him straight that it was his turn.. that in his position you would have cooked dinner.

Why are you leaving all the financial planning and admin to him. You need to know what all the details are too - and have a say in it.

The whole bin thing... "I'm not deliberately keeping the bin full for you.. That would be childish... but you need to take turns to empty it more frequently. It fills up over the weekend. Stop making ridiculous allegations when you could just empty the bin like I do all the time."

When has a man ever been told that? The wife would just automatically cook because she’s at home with the kids

Why did you limp around martyring yourself. Just say no.

Yes. A communication issue. He’s not got the message that this is not acceptable behaviour. If he can’t see it for himself, he needs someone to explain it to him.

Looking after children includes feeding them doesn't it?

He didn't want to do dinner, or do the bins, and he did not care you were in pain.

His consequence?

You made him a steak dinner.

Nowhere have l said that you shouldn’t take a different view to mine. It’s a public forum, and this is a discussion. You stated that posters considered insane the idea that a couple could experiment with planning meals and cooking together in advance. I think that’s a productive and sensible way forward, and I was simply asking whether you thought he would be open to that, given the generally negative and difficult person OP has described.

And having read through OP’s updates l’m wondering where you got the impression she was horrified at the way people are characterising him, given that she has provided the information for that characterisation in almost every post.

Presumably the DH is an adult who knows what time they eat at? Why the hell is up to the wife to spell out what needs doing. Surely most adults (men and women)! would cook if they were home and their partner wasn't? And cook for the normal time they eat at instead of waiting until their partner got home then bleat I'm hungry what's for tea?
Was it great your DD said that to him? Probably not but she was just being honest.

Amazing, the poor man didn't know she'd get injured at her event, hes not a mind reader!
OP though, she should have been a mind reader and know she had to act like his mother and plan dinner with him before daring to have a life.

Are you always so bias?

Did he feed the kids or did they have steak too ? If they had no dinner and had to wait until you came home then that's disgraceful and tbh I'm really surprised at some of the comments here saying differently and sticking up for him.

The reason you feel guilty leaving them is a sign that you don't do this often, there's nothing to feel guilty about, you are entitled to have a life outside of the home.

He's their father, he's not the local babysitter, he wasn't filling in for you, he is responsible for exactly the same things as you, the main thing feeding them.

It was unfortunate that he didn't help you when he seen you were injured, of course when we hurt ourselves we want the person that's supposed to love us give us a little bit of help and support. We all get sick and injured the other person should definitely help out more. You cooked I would say out of annoyance, you were pissed off and to save arguments or blowing you top you just got on with it, yes in hindsight you should have not bothered but it's not too late to tell him why you were annoyed, I would tell him he should have fed the kids, should have emptied the bins and at least started dinner, he's done it before he can do it again.

For your foot do the R.I.C.E method Rest - Ice - Compression - Elevation

What is the point of him?

Neither of you are happy

Right? Is he 4 years old? So glad my husband is an actual adult

Try reading my subsequent posts. You can interpret what I said how you please. I really don't care. At least one or two posters are capable of critical inference.

So be his mummy? How very attractive.

This is not a communication issue, this is a lazy twat issue. Do y9u think he does these things before he goes out?

It seems pretty clear to me, no interpretation needed, but if only 1 or 2 posters understood your post, maybe the fault is in how you wrote it? You made it sound like you hold women to higher standards than men, which many women do sadly.

I do concede that I would have been better to say that they could have talked about dinner before she set off and jointly agreed what was to be cooked with the expectation that it would be done by the time she got home. I did say when the information was revealed later in the thread that she'd phoned on her way home that he should have got the steaks out and cooked them.

Why did you make dinner after that bullshit? I’d have ordered myself a take out for you and you only after giving him an earful. Match his energy and be selfish, see how he likes it. I wouldn’t tolerate this behaviour. Let him be annoyed and stand your ground. Sounds like a prick.

And if OP had got knocked down by a bus on her way home, and ended up in hospital, would he have sat at home and starved to death?