DH not making dinner when I was out until 6 pm..

[meorhimU]

yesterday I had a sports event to attend that ran from 1 pm until 6ish. My DH knew about it and was at home with our kids, 4 and 6.

the kids ate at around 12-12:30, I made lunch before I left.

when I got back, he’d made no dinner and complained about being hungry and @ what are we going to eat. I hurt myself doing sports and was limping quite badly.

I defrosted some steaks and made dinner, limping around in pain. While he did some admin on his laptop. He then complained I hadn’t take the bins out all week ( not true, they’d just filled up again over the weekend ).

I said, I thought it was really not great that he didn’t even think to make dinner- waited for me to get home and knew I was in pain, limiting, yet still didn’t help me or offer to make dinner. He said he didn’t realise I was in so much pain..

my DD who is 6 perked up and heard me and later called him lazy for not helping mummy when he knew I was in pain. All I wanted to do is just sit down and put my feet up, my body was sore wrecked after all the exercise and the injury. He could see I wasn’t walking well at all.

he was annoyed that my daughter pulled him up on it too and essentially blamed me for telling him off about it. It’s just common decency he should have made dinner and also even if he hadn’t made it yet by the time I got home, he should have taken care of it- seeing I was in pain.

I didn’t tell him to do it because I felt guilty that I left him alone with the kids all afternoon and felt like I had to do it. But I also know if I had asked him to do it, he would have been annoyed.

How is the injury today ?

I’m surprised anyone is suggesting you were unreasonable here. For me it’s more the fact he watched you hobble around in pain cooking and didn’t offer to take over… Plus the comment about the bin when he’d been home all day and presumably knows how to empty a bin (although he sounds a bit useless so maybe not). Hope he has some redeeming features.

You limped round the kitchen after being out all day? Why are you martyring yourself? I’d have told him to make the steaks or just ordered something. Yes he should have initiative but men often don’t, unfortunately.

What communication issues? He didn’t know he can feed himself and his child without the op. Don’t make excuses for such a pathetic person.

I don’t get this- if a man had spent 6 hours cycling on a Sunday picked up an injury what would get he issue with him picking up a take away on his way home after his partner has cared for the kids all day? It’s perfectly normal stuff?

Is he not a grown man with 2 children? Why can he not organise dinner by himself?

Yeah not so great. I’m limping. Just deciding if I need to go to get it checked out. But it’s just such a nightmare wait in an and e and I can’t work out another way to get it checked. 111 said a and e. But I think I’m just going to wait it out a bit. I can walk with a limp, on one part of my foot, quite slowly. It’s not severe severe so probably just a mid foot sprain. Thank you for asking !

Because he’s a grown man and parent with a mind and body of his own.

Is this typical ? He sounds a lazy dad and husband

he and kids were hungry but he didn’t think of cooking anything

an waited till you got home and moaned

Ooh he was told you wasn’t impressed. I’m sure that made him want to change.

op you’re a martyr and enabler. Why did you fix this problem.? Why are you enabling this pathetic man?

I have a toddler and older child. I can go out the entire day and not even think about a meal, activity or anything child related because my dh can sort it all. I don’t know a single man who is so useless.

You were being punished for going out and leaving him with the kids. He did the bare minimum of looking after his own children and reverted back to type once mummy came home. Injured or not, the household stuff has clearly been delegated to you.

He is a knob.

because he was looking after the kids after their normal tea time he shouldn’t hang around waiting for a food rescue service

you can look after kids and cook dinner you know - and no vagina is needed to cook

This is how the conversation should have gone IMO -

Him - I'm hungry, what are we having for dinner?
You - I've just got home, haven't you made anything?
Him - No, I'm a useless lazy bastard
You - oh, you better order a takeaway then.

Assume a comfortable position on the sofa with an ice pack on your injury.

You'd probably be a more useful father to them!

@meorhimU

of course he should have had dinner sorted, at whatever time your children usually eat.

& WTAF is he going on about you not emptying the bins for? Introduce him to the concept they get full again! Twat. & it's now his job to empty them.

Does he ever cook dinner? Has he EVER used his initiative & just cooked dinner, done some laundry or changed the bed, or are you 'in control' & do it all or ask him to do a specific task?

being honest, would you have said he should have cooked xyz instead if he had made something?

i wouldn't have messed around defrosting stuff & making a 'proper' dinner with a hurt ankle, it would have been beans on toast (or similar)

id do the a and e thing just in case - action now can prevent future problems

Why does it matter if he's "annoyed", sounds like you walk on eggshells and bend over backwards so he doesn't get "annoyed". And why on earth feel guilty about him looking after his own children without you, that's not healthy.

Yes, husband should have made dinner without being prompted, but why on earth when you got home didn't you say to his moan at being hungry "Well, make some dinner, then." Why were you being a martyr and hobbling about making it?

No, not take away.
When he asked what was for dinner, you should have told him that he can make whatever he likes for you all and that you are surprised that he has left the cooking so late.

I felt guilty that I left for the afternoon to be honest. Also, he’s so moody. His moods really affect me and I was trying to just make him happy, I don’t know.

then when he moaned about the bins, I felt I had to say that I was disappointed in him. I know it’s not right. I hate it.

Does he sit at the table clutching a knife and fork, waiting for food to appear?
Of course he should feed the kids if he's there and you're not. That should be absolutely obvious, and should go without saying.

Yabu for being such a martyr. Stop banging things around while passive aggressively cooking steak for him while huffing he hasn’t offered to help.
Honestly it’s beyond me how some women function like this.
When you got home and he said he was hungry you just say “great me too, I’m getting in the shower let me know when dinner is ready.”

I wouldn’t have stated making dinner limping around in pain. I would have replied with whatever you fancy cooking is for dinner, let me know when it’s ready because I’m going to elevate my foot.

Some bloody strange answers on here!

OP of course YANBU except for the fact you did then make dinner.

Of course he should have done it. It was part and parcel of having the kids til 6 pm that he made the dinner. It should entirely have gone without saying - why are you the manager of all catering?

As a second choice though, a takeaway should have been ordered.

Why didn’t he take the bins too if he saw they were full?

I really did expect he would have made something. When I go out, he usually does it or arranges something. Maybe not every time but most of the time. It’s not something I want to mention or arrange for him because I think he should be doing it without being asked or managed.

You had time to defrost steaks, so he had time once you were home to defrost those same steaks. You should have sat down resting from your injury. There was clearly no need for a takeaway and if he was so concerned about making a meal at home he should have done it.

It doesn't matter what words come out of your mouth if you then still make the bloody dinner. He now sees that he can leave it, you will give him some ear ache but he still doesn't make the dinner if you are out.

You need to sit down and lay out your expectations. If I am out past dinner time then you are responsible for making the dinner for the children and for me on my return. I am sure you would afford him the same courtesy.