DH not making dinner when I was out until 6 pm..

[meorhimU]

yesterday I had a sports event to attend that ran from 1 pm until 6ish. My DH knew about it and was at home with our kids, 4 and 6.

the kids ate at around 12-12:30, I made lunch before I left.

when I got back, he’d made no dinner and complained about being hungry and @ what are we going to eat. I hurt myself doing sports and was limping quite badly.

I defrosted some steaks and made dinner, limping around in pain. While he did some admin on his laptop. He then complained I hadn’t take the bins out all week ( not true, they’d just filled up again over the weekend ).

I said, I thought it was really not great that he didn’t even think to make dinner- waited for me to get home and knew I was in pain, limiting, yet still didn’t help me or offer to make dinner. He said he didn’t realise I was in so much pain..

my DD who is 6 perked up and heard me and later called him lazy for not helping mummy when he knew I was in pain. All I wanted to do is just sit down and put my feet up, my body was sore wrecked after all the exercise and the injury. He could see I wasn’t walking well at all.

he was annoyed that my daughter pulled him up on it too and essentially blamed me for telling him off about it. It’s just common decency he should have made dinner and also even if he hadn’t made it yet by the time I got home, he should have taken care of it- seeing I was in pain.

I didn’t tell him to do it because I felt guilty that I left him alone with the kids all afternoon and felt like I had to do it. But I also know if I had asked him to do it, he would have been annoyed.

You should get it checked out & treat it properly.

i used to have a lot of ankle injuries when i was younger & just did what you're doing now. As I've got older they came back to haunt you, apparently due to not treating them properly at the time 🙇🏻‍♀️

Why did you feel guilty for leaving him at home - with his own children?!!

He should've stepped up, not to feed the children was naff, to complain he was hungry when you walked in and the bins not emptied is childish, entitled and whiny. Why doesn't he do anything to help? And most certainly he also should've helped when he saw you were injured.

Don't be a martyr.

When you got home and there was no dinner, the normal thing would have been to say to your husband, what's for dinner? You've been at home all day. I've hurt my leg so I'm sitting down.

I didn’t tell him to do it because I felt guilty that I left him alone with the kids all afternoon and felt like I had to do it. But I also know if I had asked him to do it, he would have been annoyed.

This is clearly a huge issue. Why would you feel 'guilty' for being out? Why are you scared of your husband being annoyed? Why would he be annoyed?

He definitely should have cooked, it's not fair on the children to be waiting.
Did you tell him how hurt your foot was? Ordinarily i'd think that a parent who had a whole afternoon out to themselves would take over with the children when they got in, but not when you were injured it's concerning that he wasn't bothered that you were hurt.

For us, it would have been a perfectly natural conversation as I was leaving - “I won’t be back till after 6, so there’s some steak in the freezer you can rustle up for dinner, or we’ll just order a pizza if the kids are a handful!”

Not about ‘managing’ anyone - more about open communication of expectations.

You have to take responsibility for half of this - you martyred yourself by limping around cooking steaks. “I’m injured, I’m going to need you to cook tonight. I was actually expecting you’d have dinner on already tbh”

They got to bed so late because of all this. Yes I did tell him about my foot and he could see me limping around.

he just seems so moody and unhappy all the time and it affects me so I try to be accommodating, especially when I’ve left him alone for so long.

If your husband goes out on a Sunday you just don't feed your hungry children until he gets home to do it?
Sorry but I don't believe that for a second 😂

Does he bring anything but money to your family life?

He sounds like a lazy git!!
But you had some kid-free time off. He was looking after them.
When my H goes out for an afternoon I expect him to help with household stuff when he gets back. We don’t have a set dinner time though so can’t really compare to this scenario. He would be fine with sticking something in a pan if he’d been playing sport in the afternoon (while I had the kids!) and came home around dinner time.

The other thing is that I rang him on the way home and he already mentioned what was going on for dinner and he’s hungry and there’s no dinner and so we even have any food ? And he then said ah yes the steaks and he didn’t even take them out. Which was also annoying. I did express my surprise and disappointment he hadn’t made any food even at that point.

Why were you being a martyr,cooking whilst limping about? 🤦‍♂️

Why did you feel guilty about leaving him alone for a few hours WITH HIS OWN CHILDREN? That's ridiculous. He is their parent too.
He sounds like a selfish arse. YANBU and can do better.

this.

you need to remind him that the kids are yours AND his. And that when one persons away the other can take over and parent.

the poor kids must have been starving. or eating sweets and junk. was he afraid to get cooking in case he made the wrong thing or did he just expect the person with breasts to do the cooking or what?

at least the kids know that both parents should do cooking but you are an example to them so you might want to think on the dynamics in your household and make some changes if you’re carrying the domestic load.

Having dated a mummies boy it’s hard on girlfriends when the pandered lazy guy expects waited on hand and foot by the woman (and they turn into pandered men with pandered kids of their own if the woman isn’t strong wirh expectations and boundaries). i dumped my lazy guy. i hope he learned from that and does more around the house for his current gf.

When my husband goes out, I do everything and I never expect him to prep dinner before he goes out or anything like that. I’m in charge of the kids and home and will sort it out. When he gets home, dinner is done, kids fed, bathed, put to bed etc. I would never expect him to cook when he’s been out. So I expect the same in return and that is ( most of the tome ) how it works. The kids will say they’re hungry and he’ll make food. ( and a massive mess for me to clean up after ).. but that’s another topic altogether

Ok, so it was a one-off. It doesn't bear all this thinking about and arguing. Just move on and next time either of you is out, have an agreement on who's cooking before anyone leaves.

Exactly.
No need for OP to feel "guilty" about leaving the children at home with their other parent.

Um - why was it her job to check what he was doing about dinner?

Why should she have to? Her DH presumably is a fully functioning adult. At least you would hope so.

Although I am sure I know the answer, the main question @meorhimU is what is he usually like?

If this was totally out of character (which I would imagine it's not) then maybe it's something that can be discussed and worked on.

Sadly I suspect you are just another woman who has ended up with a lazy, selfish man and like most women in this position you have failed to challenge the behaviour over the years and now you are saddled with most of the household / life admin / childcare responsibilities.

Not criticising as I have been there. I suppose another important question is what are you going to do about it?

Oh, he's doing a lovely number on you, isn't he?

I think the ‘you’ was plural. They should have both agreed the dinner plans.

What a useless lump he sounds. He complained about being hungry and asked what you were going to eat, EVEN THOUGH a) he's a competent adult (one assumes) and even more b) you'd actually had a conversation about the steaks.

I mean, as a one-off it's unimpressive. Combined with him manufacturing a complaint about the bins, and the facts that you feel guilty if you have an afternoon out, that he seems to be frequently 'annoyed' about things and that he’s moody in a way that badly affects you, I'd say you have bigger problems.

Are you a SAHM?

If so, start job hunting

When he asked what was for dinner I’d have replied ‘whatever you made?’