Enjoying quiet drink & elder man approaches

[IndigoBluey]

I had a much needed free and solo afternoon today. Went for a long walk in the sun, coffee, just enjoyed being by myself for once. I was keen to see the rugby score and so stopped off for a drink in a local pub by myself. I am a 34 year old woman. It was such a fun atmosphere. Until, an older guy, maybe 70 saddled up to my table and started to engage in chat. I wasn’t in the mood, I was really keen to watch the match and this was the final ten minutes. He asked a few questions and when I didn’t answer he just stood right by me where I was sat down looking and smiling. I felt really awkward and aware that others in the pub were looking now. He then asked my name and I quite directly told him I just want to watch the match. He then left in a huff. I felt a little bad after, thinking maybe I was rude and worse, he was lonely and wanted some chat but then there were other older men on their own standing at the bar so he could have chatted with them. Anyway off he went and I left after the match ended about 15 minutes later to walk home and saw him on the corner of the street five minutes along, fine as it it a small town but awkward as he clocked me. Was I rude or is it fine to say no thanks to chat to random people

I wouldn't go to a pub alone if I didn't want anyone to talk to me.

A cafe or a restaurant I would, but not a pub.

But that's just me.

It's really quite disturbing that you think wanting to have a quiet drink alone makes someone a "princess". Blimey, thats really awful.

We arent talking about a simple "hello, nice weather isnt it?" comment here or small talk over the bar whilst ordering a drink, we are talking about a man approaching a woman half his age, putting his coat on the back of her chair and getting angry when she didnt want to sit and chat with him. That doesn't remotely make her a "princess".

Pub is short for public house. Its where people historically went to be sociable and mix with others.
Could it be that this is simply what this man was doing ?!

I still think initial contact you can politely decline chat and say you are focusing on game. If the guy continues then ignore.

Let me make it clear: she is NOT being a Princess by telling this guy she wishes to be alone.

She's being a Princess expecting that nobody should dare go near her to attempt the social simple interactions which take place all the time in pubs.

I think the behaviour of both of you was extremely odd.

Yours in literally not responding to someone addressing you multiple times except with a stare (is this the famous 'Gen Z' stare manifesting in Millenials?!) instead of just saying off the bat, "sorry I'm just here to watch the game," which is perfectly reasonable.

And him putting his jacket on your chair(?!) and not taking it in good part when rebuffed.

He's done nothing particularly wrong in attempting to strike up a conversation in the first place and you've certainly not done anything wrong in rebuffing that attempt but the way you've both gone about it is completely alien and rude to me.

She didnt say that though did she- the OP never said noone should DARE talk to her in a pub. She actually said:

"I felt a little bad after, thinking maybe I was rude and worse, he was lonely and wanted some chat but then there were other older men on their own standing at the bar so he could have chatted with them"

She was clearly second guessing herself and feeling bad that maybe she should have gone against her own wishes and chatted to him despite the fact she didnt actually want to. That doesn't scream "entitled princess" to me.

How did you make it clear though? Not with words initially?

A look? Really?

You felt comfortable enough to go into a pub alone so you should be able to speak up rather than glare at people. You claim to be a grown up of 34 enjoying your day

And now on MN looking for validation of being rude rather than asking someone to leave you alone. If it had been a lonely old woman, would you have glared or ask her to leave you to enjoy your drink in peace?

@DaisyDoodler
There were multiple men he could have chatted to, he chose the lone woman. Let’s not use dementia as an excuse, not everyone over 65 is sweet, lonely, innocent, creeps don’t stop being creeps when they collect their bus pass. Nobody is obliged to chat to anyone.

well good luck with that attitude.

This is a great point. He may not have had any untoward intentions, it’s the expectation that you’d like to chat to him! And the general invasion of space.
I bet he’s never asked any 34 year old men what their name is.

Edited to say, just seen someone else has mentioned dementia but I feel this is relevant. I work part time for a charity who had a great deal to do with elderly/ lonely people and my DSD has Alzheimer’s, incase anyone feels the need to ask what my qualifications are for my POV.

I’m going to throw out another scenario here (I may well get battered for it, but that’s Mumsnet!). Given his age, he might have Alzheimer’s. In the early stages it doesn’t necessarily show as the memory loss we associate with dementia, but people do start to lose the ‘social conditioning’ that means a man in his 70s should be aware it’s not right to approach a lone woman half his age. He might not even have a diagnosis yet, but there will be changes in his prefrontal cortex that he’s unaware of that make him look like a creepy old man. The fact he was then ‘just standing on the street corner’ makes me feel this may be the case.

Alternatively, we can go with the Mumsnet version that he’s a creepy septuagenarian who was actively looking to intimidate/ rape/ murder you and like all men, he’s a wrong un.

The arrogance and hubris of men, even old men, to think that women will welcome their advances is utterly mind-boggling. Can you imagine a 70 year old woman sidling up to an attractive young man in his early 30s and trying to chat him up and then storming off in a huff when he isn't interested?

he may have had one too many drinks, who knows
inhibitions are lost with alcohol

Don’t feel bad or that you were rude. Of course the 70 year old man chose the lone woman half his age to try and sit by. Can’t believe other women make excuses for this shit.

Another factor is that she's in a pub with the rugby on.
I am assuming she is in England and not many women like rugby full stop let alone in England.
Maybe he assumed that she was 'one of the boys?' and open to chatting.

I can't stand the game myself. Nor do I like football. Cricket and darts are the only things I'll watch.

why shouldnt he?
perhaps he felt sorry for the op?
perhaps she is the same age as his daughter? and thus he thought she was lonely?
why see the worst in people?

Absolutely possible! Just trying to make the point that intentions aren’t always negative. Different generations have a different attitude too. My grandad would have talked to anybody lol

My grandad would have talked to anybody lol

Talking to anyone is fine and sociable. Continuing to try to force a conversation when it's obvious that person doesn't want to, is not.

Maybe he thought she was lonely and wanted company. Maybe he was trying to protect her from unwanted attention from younger more rowdier men so he was being protective. Maybe he was simply being friendly. Not every man is a creep!! I feel sorry for any male relatives you may have if this is your attitude! Hope you don’t have sons who may one day want to strike up conversation to pass the time with someone!!

If he wanted to protect her then why did he storm off in a huff or try to put his coat on her chair? thats not very respectful of someone he considers like this daughter is it?

And if you were in a pub, would you approach an 18 year old boy watching darts on tv, put your handbag on the back of his chair and ask him what his name was? Would you carry on talking to him if he looked at you then turned away and completely ignored you? Would you show him that you were annoyed with him if he asked you to leave him alone? If you wouldn’t do any of those things, then why not?

Yes but she didn’t clearly say that. She ignored him! Maybe he thought she was hard of hearing, or foreign, or hadn’t heard him with the noise. Why jump to the most negative??

Yes she did - from OP: "He then asked my name and I quite directly told him I just want to watch the match. He then left in a huff."

If he was benign and kind he would have said no worries, enjoy your evening.

Again, that’s an interpretation. I just don’t see why everything has to be the most negative. It’s a crowded pub. Full of people. He’s not exactly done anything wrong apart from try to talk to someone.