Enjoying quiet drink & elder man approaches

[IndigoBluey]

I had a much needed free and solo afternoon today. Went for a long walk in the sun, coffee, just enjoyed being by myself for once. I was keen to see the rugby score and so stopped off for a drink in a local pub by myself. I am a 34 year old woman. It was such a fun atmosphere. Until, an older guy, maybe 70 saddled up to my table and started to engage in chat. I wasn’t in the mood, I was really keen to watch the match and this was the final ten minutes. He asked a few questions and when I didn’t answer he just stood right by me where I was sat down looking and smiling. I felt really awkward and aware that others in the pub were looking now. He then asked my name and I quite directly told him I just want to watch the match. He then left in a huff. I felt a little bad after, thinking maybe I was rude and worse, he was lonely and wanted some chat but then there were other older men on their own standing at the bar so he could have chatted with them. Anyway off he went and I left after the match ended about 15 minutes later to walk home and saw him on the corner of the street five minutes along, fine as it it a small town but awkward as he clocked me. Was I rude or is it fine to say no thanks to chat to random people

What was the problem then?
People shouldn't speak to anyone these days otherwise they're a nuisance, a pervert, a predator
This country is exhausting rjl

Anybody, female OR male, should stay at home and emphatically not go to a pub IF they don't want people attempting social interaction - as in an to converse- with them.

The onus is on the person to politely say they don't want interaction, to which the person attempting interaction should say, ' OK' and bugger off.

Nevertheless, the default, societal expectation is that you are going out for company.
If you want to be alone, you just stay in the fucking house.

Just common sense.

That's different. I'll talk to anyone in a shop, out walking etc. DH always says I make friends everywhere I go.

The OP didn't want to stop what she was doing, he put his coat on her chair and asked her name. Why should she stop doing something she enjoyed because s random bloke decided she should, and then got cross when she wouldn't.

No it isnt - what a bloody ridiculous notion.

If you go to a pub or a cafe or any social setting you dont immediately assume that anyone sitting alone in there MUST want to chat to you and you must sit down next to them- like, seriously?- thats laughable.

Thats not common sense at all. Also, your theory doesn't make any sense because this 70 year bloke was already alone so why hadn't anyone approached him for chats already if there is an expectation that anyone alone must have company?

No, the common sense should rest with the man who placed his jacket on a chair, invading the personal space of a woman sitting in/on that chair.

Can other women really not see what an aggressive gesture that is, before he even spoke a word?

shock horror
man spoke to woman in a pub
but hey, he was an elder whatever that means
how appalling
i guess alcohol might have been consumed, shock horror.
how dare an old man, spit, speak to the princess,
i wonder her reaction if he had been her age?
some people are so boring

I don’t think his intentions are even relevant. Whether he wanted to chat her up or was just innocent chit chat she wasn’t interested so that’s that. If she didn’t want to talk for any reason that’s fine, just shut the conversation down and continue to enjoy the match.

Idk if you were rude without hearing exactly what you said. Maybe you were if he went off in a huff.

Maybe he was lonely and looking for a chat, maybe he was a perv, who knows. Personally I'd maybe have spoken to him very briefly, because yeah it is rude to just outright ignore someone, and then if it seemed like he wanted to keep chatting just say, "I'm so sorry, I'm actually enjoying some me time today and not really up for chatting, but have a nice day!"

If after that he's pushy or huffy then clearly he's not just a nice old man looking for some company and you can be ruder or more direct without feeling bad.

You are totally right about a cafe but not a pub.

Some people seem so lacking in understanding of how society works and also totally naive
It's absurd to say that pubs are not for social mixing. It really is.

Read the fucking room, as they say.

Shock horror, woman doesn't want to engage with lecherous old man twice her age!

How appalling - what is the world coming to eh? That poor, poor man can only find company in younger women - none of the other 70 year old men at the bar will chat to him 😭

but op @IndigoBluey you werent rude, but this thread is ott

why has he become lecherous?

No- you are absurd. I've seen plenty of women and men quite happily drinking alone in pubs. Its a perfectly normal thing to do 😂

How fucking ridiculous

You think it's normal to put your coat on a strangers chair? you think its normal to stomp off in a huff simply because a stranger doesn't want to talk to you?

Men are just as adept as women at subtle social cues, it's just the arrogant pricks that ignore them until you state it unambiguously.

He sounds like an arrogant creep and he deserved the response you gave him. The people watching were probably just thinking what a nob we was being.

Try to think of the good things that happened that day and don't grace him with another minute's thought 😊

Many men are predatory and entirely deluded. This old man probably thought a young woman might be open to be chatted up by him. Yet SHE is the one who feels embarrassed and silly for rebuffing him.

Me too, but people always think a woman alone must be lonely. I'm so glad i'm
older now as most of the time I can go into a pub for a small glass of wine and read my book or scroll through my phone and no-one cares 😄 although even now I do sometimes get approached by older men..I'm in my sixties!

I would have said this too. I used to work in a village pub and everyone would talk to everyone, especially the older men. He probably knew the men at the bar.
Depends on the pub. Some people will talk others they dont
He left when you asked him to so im not sure what more you want.

I was on a group activity i was in 50's and there was a new man who started walking with me he was well into his 70's and the first question he asked me is 'am i married'? And then 'am i single'? Seriously!!!

If Op had been a 34 year old lone man sitting drinking watching rugby does anyone really think he would have been approached?

As a barmaid I was constantly ordered to smile by men like that, it's like they think they are owed it.

What! So every time a person or couple or group or family goes to a pub it’s a signal that they want the other people there to come up and start some social interaction with them?

People don’t go because they would like a drink after a walk or a busy day? Or to get a meal that they don’t have to cook themselves? Or to meet up with a friend in a convenient location?

I have never had the intention, when I go to a pub with a friend or with my husband or with my dog, that I’m going there so that other patrons will start social interaction. Not since I was in my twenties and on the pull anyway.

I wouldn’t feel guilty at all, although I agree with other posters that you should have been upfront with him from the beginning. Ignoring him was a bit weird if he was being polite. He clearly wanted to chat to you because you’re a young woman (as you mentioned how many solo men there were his age, who I’m sure he’d have far more in common with) so he’s at least a bit of a creep. As a lesbian I am so fucking sick and tired of men feeling entitled to come and chat to women in pubs and having the arrogance to think that we actually want them to. I’ve been approached so many times on dates with my (female) partner. Some men just pull up a chair without asking and start chatting. Sometimes they assume we’re friends, which doesn’t make it ok either, but other times it’s obvious we’re a couple and they still do it, and it’s obvious they’re not just being friendly. When I tell them politely that we’re having a private conversation and we don’t want them to join us the semi-decent ones look genuinely shocked that we don’t them to talk to us, which just shows how delusional and entitled they are. But at least they leave. The total dickhead ones get offended and carry on hassling us till I have to tell them to fuck off and leave us alone. At which point they usually say something homophobic/childish/misogynistic and stomp off in a huff. It’s pathetic and I resent having to have conflict and drama when I’m trying to have a nice evening with my partner

I too have seen plenty of people drinking alone in pubs.
I sometimes go to the pub by myself while waiting for a friend.

BUT the point is that I am aware that I am in a social setting and, crucially, that alcohol is being served which makes people less shy and open to conversation thus I might get approached by someone wanting a chat.

Being an extreme introvert, I politely say I wish to be alone.

What I don't think is that I'm such an important fucking Princess that everybody else has to change their behaviour for me.

I live somewhere like that and only rude men try and start conversations with people specifically sat looking at the screen while a big sporting event is on.

Even in rural villages people can read the room and have manners.

Yes I do.
Other men would invite him into their circle or just chat to him.
They'd want to know what he was about.